9 06/20/2012 parenting

Let’s Talk About Sex

Well. Here we go. 

Parents of older kids – I need you.
The letter came home last week about the Always Changing program being presented to Cam’s class this week.
From the get-go I have been honest, open and a matter of fact when it comes to sex ed. and puberty.
Starting 2 years ago when he questioned why Sean having an operation on his private parts would stop us from having anymore babies.
At that point he knew how babies came out of the Mom. 
After that convo, he knew how babies got in.
We’ve been having small conversations about things of the pubescent nature.
He’s worn deodorant for a year now (hockey makes him stinky). He’s has the odd pimple. 
He mentioned something last week about a box of pads and tampons and deodorant in his class for the puberty lessons.
I asked if he knew what pads and tampons were. He said no. I didn’t really believe him.
The other night he was curious about periods so I answered his questions. 
I asked him what he and his friends talk about. If he knows what sex is. If they ever talk about it.
I want him getting his information from Sean and I. Not from the playground.
He showed me the playground sign for sex (index finger going into opposite thumb and index finger circle). Said his friend told him that was “code for sex”
I asked if he knew what doing that meant. He said no. I didn’t believe him but didn’t push.
Here’s where my jaw drops.
Tell me –  am I naive to be totally shocked that a classmate talks about orgasms and makes “an orgasm noise” in class all the time?
(Remember, this is grade 5)
I asked Cam if he new what an orgasm was and he told me the other kid said it’s the noise a girl makes when she has sex.


“No Cam. An orgasm is not a noise that a girl makes. It’s a feeling that a man or a woman experience when they have sex. Please do not ever be embarrassed to ask me or Daddy about anything you are not sure of or confused about. And please tell me everything this kid tells you so I can correct the information for you.”

Parents of older kids, please help.
I am feeling somewhat unprepared for new phase.
Any good books to help me guide him through this?
How do I keep our influence stronger than that of his peer group?
Is that even possible? 
  • Angie

    Keep doing what you are doing. Answer all question honestly (and scientifically when you can). Only answer the questions he asks, too many details can be scary. I always had the Boys & Girls Body Science book lying around. It was written by a public nurse from BC, Meg Hickling (sp?). I also picked up the What’s Happening to My Body Book for Boys. It talks about everything from pubic hair, to acne, to normal penis size (very important for a 13 year old boy), to how girls’ menstrual cycles work, etc. While it is not appropriate bedtime reading for Cam yet . . . if you pick it up now and read through it you will be thoroughly prepared. You may even learn a thing or two – ha! The more conversations you have the easier they get. Despite the challenges pre-teens and teens bring to our lives they are totally fascinating and a lot of fun to be around. Embrace the next stage of parenthood because there is no turning back. Love ya!

  • Christine

    Actually Sara, you would have been proud of me.
    I totally kept my poker face. Like it was no big deal.
    But honestly – I died a little inside.

  • Christine

    My theory has always been that if they are asking the questions, they are ready for the answers. I answer simply and honestly. It’s all I can do.
    And yes. Chocolate. That makes everything better.

  • Christine

    Oh Kimmy I know. It’s sad for me.
    I guess I’m afraid that all the hard work, time, attention, love and all that good parenting stuff will be undone by a couple of undesirable kids that maybe didn’t get all that good stuff.
    So all I need to do is have faith that we have done enough?
    We’ve instilled enough goodness into him that he will make good choices?

  • Christine

    Ahhh…I remember the innocence of third grade. Enjoy it while you have it!
    (I will look into the boys Body Book)

  • Sara

    is it bad that I’m dying laughing! I’m SORRY but I’m just picturing your face.
    And yes – a few years from now, you can absolutely laugh at me…:)

  • Tracey

    I’m not getting a lot of questions yet, and for now, I’m in the “answer exactly what they asked” camp, but as they get older,I’ll have to be more proactive about offering up information. I’m trying to just throw stuff out in regular conversation about all kinds of things, and yeah, the misinformation they learn amongst themselves is tough to combat. I don’t think our influence will be stronger than that of their peers, but we have to slag away at it anyway, and just model/say/live/be the way we want and expect them to be.
    Le sigh. Let’s split a chocolate bar and cry about it. :{

  • Kim

    Honestly Christine…it’s not possible. Now is when the peer group starts to take over. They just start to tell you less & less as they share more with their peer group. It’s also just part of growing up. BUT the good news is you have laid the ground work and your children will continue to tell you things and ask you things. They will feel confident later that they can share things with you.
    My oldest is starting to tell me the rumours of what the “other” girls are doing. YIKES! I NEVER has these conversations with my mother. Like you, we have just tried to be open and honest with our kids.
    Understand that other parents share more than you do (or less)and use different language (graphic terms) with their children.

  • http://Http://kristapeck.com Krista

    Im just starting to get a few Qs at the end of 3rd grade. I’ve told C a lot less than many of my friends & he doesn’t seem to know much. I’ve had a few friends recommend The Boy’s Body Book. Going to order that & have ready to fill in any blanks I might miss when the time comes for…The Talk. Made me lol as I’m horrified too about the few snippets that make it home on certain topics sometimes. God help us. xo

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