We’ve all seen hockey dads or soccer moms take things a little (or a lot) too far. We exchange looks and cringe a little inside as they scream at their kids from the sidelines, yell at the refs, or brag about the total awesomeness of their kid. It ain’t pretty and it is certainly one of the darker sides of having kids in competitive sports.
But, what happens when that mom is you? Come on. We’ve all been there. Maybe you’re not all out there in front of everyone waving it in their faces but we’ve all had moments where we secretly wish our kid’s arch nemesis would develop the stomach flu before a race or where we’ve pushed our kids a little too far to prove a point (which, btw, rarely works and usually has the opposite effect). Often the impetus for this is a comment or nudge from another kid or their parent. Or, it could be simply that there is one kid who always seems to come out on top and you’re sick of it. Whatever it is, it ain’t pretty.
So, it’s confession time. I have, over the years, had these moments. Moments I am not proud of. The truth is, I am a go-getter. I am driven and passionate and, yes, sometimes I am pushy. These things are qualities many admire and are the things that make my business a success. However, there is a flip side to everything. These qualities can also make one take things too far.
I have found that I have mellowed A LOT over the years. I have learned that it serves no one’s purposes to coach from the sidelines or to do extra “training” for an event. All this does is stress out your kid and make them hate it. Still sometimes I find myself yelling instead of cheering or giving “feedback” after the game. Did I mention I have never played a sport in my life?
I have also felt that ugliness coming from others. Sometimes even my friends. One day last year a friend and I were standing beside each other watching our daughters explore a new sport. She turned to me and said, “I know I probably shouldn’t say this out loud but I really hope [your daughter] sucks.” Yowza! She went on to explain that she wanted one thing for her daughter to be better at. But honestly? Those words hit like a hammer. Mostly because, like any parent, I want people to acknowledge and see all of the wonderful things about my girl. She deserves that. We all want people rooting for our children, not against them. But, if I’m honest with myself (and you), these words hit hard partly because I knew I had thought them from time to time myself about other children. I probably wouldn’t have said them out loud. To be honest I would likely never even have admitted I thought them.
So, I took this question to some of my friends and almost every single one of them admitted to feeling this way about something at some time. Whether it be socially, academically or performance related, they had felt it to varying degrees. Our desire for our children to excel and to put their best foot forward sometimes gets the better of us. On rare occasions, there is a parent who consistently takes things too far but for the most part these feelings are fleeting and, in my opinion, a natural part of loving someone so much.
How about you? Have you ever felt the Ugly Side of Mom? Please share in the comments below.
The Your Biggest Fan Blog Series is sponsored by Chevrolet. All content is true, based on Jen’s personal experience.