All you need to do is listen in on a group of mothers and I can guarantee you they will be talking about the color of baby poop. When they are done competing over whose baby has the greenest most explosive diaper, the conversation will turn into yet another competition of whose baby slept the least, which will then move onto whose slept the most. Then the real competition begins on everything from whose baby is rolling over, sitting, crawling, starting to eat solids, pulling up, talking and talking in five different languages – okay maybe not the five different languages but you get my point. It never stops. It seems as though every milestone a baby reaches is a competition against another’s baby.
I am not ashamed to admit it, but after my first child was born I was one of those competing mamas. If I was at a playgroup I would constantly be checking out the other babies and making mental notes. Why was baby Sue already sitting? Was that little Joey crawling? Wow that Michael’s really babbling. Why isn’t my baby doing all these things yet?
I remember when Marie was about a year and half and she still wasn’t talking. I began to wonder if she ever would! Everyone else’s children talked by the time they were 12 months what was wrong with her? Was I a bad mother? What the hell was I doing wrong?
In short NOTHING. By 2 and half years of age she started talking alright, but it wasn’t one word here or one word there. It was full sentences with a vocabulary that would make people stop and stare in amazement. I was so proud, but I am sure there was some mother out there listening to her and thinking the same thing I thought months before. Why isn’t my child talking like that child is?
As parents we know that by certain ages our children should be reaching certain milestones, yet we also know that these ages are not written in stone but are simply guidelines. So why do we still compare our babies to others? It is as though motherhood has become a competitive sport and when our baby isn’t sitting on her own by 6 months, or isn’t saying a few words by 12 months we all go into panic mode.
After 8 children I am happy to say I have managed to back out of the competition and relax a little – although it hasn’t been easy. My twins are preemies and are almost 7 months, yet they have just started to reach for toys and attempt to roll over. Am I panicking? Maybe a little, but as long as they keep showing improvement, as slow as it is, I know that they will be fine.
That said, one just rolled over.
What about you? Are you, or were you, a competitive mom? What worried you the most about your baby?
Until next time
Chantel, momof8crazymonkeys
Failing to plan is planning to fail.
It is impossible not to let other peoples comments affect you in some way – after all it is your child they are talking about:) I am positive that as your son develops and gets older you will gain more confidence in yourself and him! And you are correct – you will always be worried about something no matter how old they are;) Glad your Dr. is aware and communicating with you – this is so important and often Dr.’s don’t seem to have the time or desire. Please keep me updated on how your little guy is doing;)
Hi Chantel,
Yes, I have mentioned my concerns to my doctor. He said that I wouldn’t need to put him in a day care for him to be socialized. I could just organize play groups. I hadn’t thought of the indoor play grounds, but that sounds like another great idea. Thank you for the suggestion : ) Something tells me that I’ll always be worried about something…whether he’s walking or not, whether he’s shy or not, etc. And as much as I don’t want people’s comments to get to me sometimes or to make me think twice, I have a feeling that they will nevertheless. Hopefully I’ll develop a tougher skin as I go, or at least a little bit more confidence in my sense of how my son is doing…? Who knows…
Hi Lisa Thanks for sharing – Have you expressed your concerns/worries with your sons Dr.? If he/she isn’t concerned, then I wouldn’t worry – I know easier said than done!:) I totally get what you mean about the comment thing though I have had so many of those over the years and they used to really bug me (okay well it still does at times) I wouldn’t be too concerned about him being shy and not really socializing yet, at his age they are still into the parallel play and still worried about where mommy is:) If you are not into the daycare thing have you thought about maybe arranging some play dates on a weekly basis or something like that? Indoor playgrounds are another option as well and don’t cost as much. They are still exposed to other children but you can stay only as long as you want;)
I’ve been pretty worried about my 15 month old as well. He only JUST started standing up on his own and sitting up on his own. His eating habits are also worrisome to me. For me, deep down, I feel like he’s doing just fine, but then I begin comparing him to other babies his age or younger who are doing these things well before he does, and or I let comments like, “He’s not sitting up yet?!? hmmm…” get to me. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it.
My latest worry is whether I should put him in daycare to help him learn some things faster, like walking, eating finger foods, and to just socialize him since he seems so shy. But then, I think to myself, he’s just a baby once. Why am I trying to rush his development?
I still don’t know what’s best for him…
Yes I am an avid reader of the baby books as well! Glad he is a good teacher lol
I don’t think I’ve ever been a competitive parent (or at least, I hope not!), but I read STACKS of books about child development before my daughter (first child) was born. I carefully monitored her progress. Bought all manner of “developmental” toys to help her reach her milestones “on time”. Did HOURS of baby signing, actually learned ASL, read to her a minimum of two hours each day, and on and on…. My son taught me how to relax. And bizarre concepts like: “They all get there in their own time.” Among other things. When he’s 30 and asks me why his baby book stops on page 10, I’ll tell him it’s because he was such a good teacher 😉
I have two boys who have aspergers so I know exactly what you mean Sara. I was paranoid when my 6th was born and have been a bit crazy with the babies about some things because it is always in the back of my head. My two with aspergers have major issues with loud sounds and my younger aspie is terrified of motorcycles, but then again so is my 5 year old.
Reading was a big issue with me as well, as Marie was reading at such an early age and the boys….well lets just say it was a long time before they were interested! My second offspring was an early walker though – he was like yours 10 months and he was off!
Yes it is so true Crystal! I don’t think any of my children reached any milestone at the same age – except for maybe developing the ability to annoy me;)
I love the ‘that said, one just rolled over’. When Will was smaller I was always watching for certain milestones – likely more vigilant because my nephew is autistic and I know the importance of early intervention. And I admit lately, I’m really jealous of the moms’ who aren’t changing diapers anymore and worry about why my dude just won’t poop in the toilet (yes I know he wont’ go to high school in diapers)…I’m also a bit curious about his aversions to loud noises and have been watching other kids to see how they react when a motorcycle goes by….
Chantal, I know I did that, except I was “lucky” in that my kids seemed to hit the physical milestones of the first year or two early, so I would sort of sit there smugly while my 10 month-old stood up and walked over to me and all the other mommies were gawking in amazement, LOL. But then my second was slow to talk, and I worried. And then she was slow to read, and I finally figured out that she was going to be JUST FINE and I could stop fretting over who was reading level M books when my kid was still on level H. SHEESH!
i was just worried that my son Lincoln was doing everything on time for his age, but now i realize every child is different and some kids do thing sooner or later