ever since i was a wee girl, i wanted to be a writer.
before i got married, i went through all the boxes and drawers and closets in my bedroom in my mother’s house. and sat on the floor surrounded by notebooks. notebooks that were filled with 1/2 written stories. short stories. novels. YA. adult. fiction. nonfiction. you name it. i wrote it. or i half-wrote it. i would get tired of one thing and move on to the next. i would get the next great big idea in the shower and the last next great big idea would get shelved forever. i had hundreds of these unfinished writings. some were handwritten in very un-neat childish writing. some were typed. some were from elementary school. some from high school.
i did finish one novel. it’s young adult. it’s a bit racy (there’s a little teacher/student relationship in it…) it’s something i was very proud of. the fact that i actually finished it. it is in desperate need of work. more character development. less subplots. it needs cleaning, shaping, fixing. it’s sitting on my hard drive calling to me.
"ali….come and revisit me. make me better. get me published."
i’m a published author. i can actually say that. sure, i was published through the company for which i am employed, as an editor, and sure, some of the books only have 50 words. but they are mine. they have my name on them. by Alicia Martell. amazing.
but i want this. i want a novel of my own. one that wasn’t commissioned. one that comes from my heart. one that i can walk into chapters and see on the shelf. i want it so badly. i’ve always wanted it. but there was always something getting in the way. a job. a child. an errand. a tv show. there’s always something. some excuses are legit. some are not. some are there because i’m a little bit afraid. what if i can’t make it good enough. what if it’s a good book to me, in my head, but the reading public will just laugh.
i’m afraid. i’m afraid that i want to be a writer so badly…but maybe it’s just not enough to want it. maybe i’ve always only gone half the distance because if i quit while i’m ahead, i’ll never know if i’m not good enough.
I could have written this post. I know what you mean.
Go for it.
I totally know how you are feeling. I have stories that ache to be put onto paper and somehow can’t find a way to sit down and write. Children are a good excuse, but I think that somehow writing would free me from some of my parenting frustration. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction….keep writing and we’ll keep reading!
Gimme a draft to read, PWEASE! I want first read!!! And, go for it, girl. You’re an EXTREMELY gifted, witty writer.
ali, you should definitely go for it. you’re a FANTASTIC writer, and express yourself so eloquently with empathy and humour. i think your novel would reflect all those qualities too. I heard of some novel workshops that help people edit and finish their novels…let me know and i can share…good luck!
Warnig, unrelated, but didn’t want to post a comment to an older entry… since you hate crocs so much *So DO I!* I thought you might like to see what George Bush is wearing…. HERE: http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2007/6/13/91413/2699
🙂
You need to do this.
I think that perhaps, because you are in the industry, you are more critical of your writing than someone who isn’t.
I LOVE your writing. It’s clear and funny and most importantly easy to read.
And, I think if you have a dream you need to go for it. Find a publisher (unless you can go with your company) and pitch it. You never know unless you try. Seriously.
I understand completely how you feel. I echo Jen: go for it.
you must do this, because I would be the first in line to buy it!
NewMan and I have a list of ideas for a series of children’s books based on the characters of our 3yr old children. What is one word of advice you might have for us to get us started?
You bring people here and to Cheaper Than Therapy pretty much daily to read what you write, why would your virtual writing be any different than a physical text? You are compelling and raw and brilliant. Go. For. It.