*SIGH*
When I was a kid (yes, I was that kind of kid) I loved report cards. I looked forward to them with an anticipation second only to Christmas morning. Why? Well, of course because I was a good student, with good marks, and glowing comments and — to be perfectly honest — I craved that positive reinforcement like an addict craves her next hit.
With my own kids, I was in for a shocker. I still remember my older daughter’s first report card, back in November of her Kindergarten year. Staring at that big white envelope with the same kind of anticipation I remember from my own school years, I practically drooled while opening it. And inside? A whole lotta average. I was devastated. Let down. Depressed. My little prodigy — not appreciated for her true genius by the system!
Then I took a deep breath, shook my head, and told myself that it’s okay to have a child who is average. Really. It is. And it’s true: it is. I make a concerted effort every year at report card season (ours is November, March and June) to look at the reports with my daughters. They scan each section for marks only: did I get an A? How many As? How many Bs? Hopefully no Cs. I let them have their moment…isn’t it amazing how crazy goal-oriented they are?
Then I calmly read over the comments (way more to be learned about who your child really is in school in the comments, folks) and simply ask them one question, “did you do your best?” There is, of course, only one acceptable answer. If they say yes, then I am happy and proud, no matter what the numbers say. If they don’t answer in the affirmative (and yes, kids can surprise you with their honesty and willingness to be accountable, too) we discuss how I can help them to do their best next term. But the expectation is always the same: do your best.
As your child’s report cards come home in the next few weeks, I encourage you to engage in a similar dialogue with your child. Did you do your best? If so…wonderful! I am proud of you. If not, what kept you from doing your best? How can I help you do your best in the future? Oh, and I’m proud of you for owning up to the truth. That takes courage.
How do you approach report cards in your home? I have heard of parents bribing their children to achieve a certain grade ($50 for each A, $30 for each B and so on…), I’ve heard of parents grounding their children for poor marks, and I’ve even heard of some parents who don’t even look at the reports at all. So, what end of the spectrum do you fit on? Have you had any really tough challenges with your children’s report cards?
report cards today are stoopid. they aren’t allowed to tell you how things are going! my girls (grades 1 and 3) have almost the exact card because of the pre-determined text they must adhere to.
i had “outbursts” and was “fidgety” in class and i didn’t grow up hating myself. i think all this veiled talk is really detrimental to having our kids grow up well adjusted.
So far, I just keep trying to remind myself that MOST kids are not A-students. I want him to develop a good work ethic – and he works VERY hard (I know, because I’m sitting next to him while he does the homework almost the entire time…) so as long as he’s working at it, and he’s doing his best, I’m proud of him. I admit, I sometimes have to keep my facial expression in check when he comes home with a 56% in reading comprehension (YIKES!!) but also? I can’t really remember my marks in the second grade either… and I’m sure nobody cares. So. “Do your best” is what we say. And it’s what we mean – that’s all we can really ask!!