I know what you’re thinking. That I am going to proclaim, "Woe is Me!" and complain about how tough it is to be a working mom in 2005. Well, I guess you know me pretty well. However, you may be surprised by what I have to say.
I often feel guilty. But not always because of my absence at home. I love working. I cannot imagine being home every day. I remember laughing when I was about to return to work after my first child and a friend of mine with 2 kids told me "a happy Mom is a good Mom". How corny is that? But how true. And really that statement means something totally different for each of us.
I adore my kids and enjoy my semi-flex schedule (my husband and I alternate one day a week at home) but I get so much from my work. Seem selfish? Sometimes I wonder. Like the days when my daughter cries at the door and begs me not to leave her. Or worse, the days when she doesn’t even seem to notice. I don’t go on the school trips or know all of my son’s classmates’ parents. As a matter of fact, I hardly know his classmates!
However, when I am home I spend every single minute with them. Playing basketball, board games, or dollies. I take them to the park, ride bikes, and share an ice cream. This is our time together.
The same is true at work. A perfect example of this happened the other day. I was working away in my office when the phone rang. It was our nanny. At the very same instant, the President arrived at my office door. As my nanny told me about a fall my daughter had just had I weighed my options. Do I get up and leave explaining the situation? First, how desperate is it exactly. There was no blood, she never lost consciousness or vomitted and she was happily playing with her dolls despite the threat of a shiner. She was fine and I was at work. Time to switch off Mommy-mode.
Don’t get me wrong. I felt guilty about this for days. Still do. And the shiner is a constant reminder. Then I think, "she is loved by so many people…what could be wrong with that?" and I feel better. At least for now.
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Jen