While I am grateful for all of the wonderfully unique things that autism brings into our life, there are several things that I think about and the “I wish…” creeps into my head.
I wish that the twilight-sky didn’t appear like a storm-sky to Cuyler.
Every. Single. Night. He has a meltdown. Major. Sean has to take him for a drive every night to calm him down. I wish we didn’t have to do that. I wish he wasn’t so anxious.
Every. Single. Night. He has a meltdown. Major. Sean has to take him for a drive every night to calm him down. I wish we didn’t have to do that. I wish he wasn’t so anxious.
I wish he didn’t ask overweight women if there’s a baby in their tummy.
I wish even more he wouldn’t ask overweight men. I wish he had that “filter”. It’s embarrassing for me. It must be for them.
I wish I could make him something other than turkey bacon for breakfast, pizza for lunch and pretty much nothing for dinner.
I wish he would take his supplements. He did so well when he took them and ate better.
I wish summer break was only for the month of July. He is so out of whack with his schedule and routines. He his craving the routine that school brings to his life. Camp just isn’t cutting it.
I wish he could communicate better. He speaks and he speaks well. But he doesn’t communicate well. If something bothers him, he impulsively screams instead of telling us whats wrong.
I wish he didn’t have such an incredible fear of dogs. It prevents us from going places like the cottage or visiting friends and family who have dogs. Again – the anxiety.
I wish he had a deeper relationship with Cam. I think that Cam wishes Cuyler could do things with him or go places with him. I think that Cam see’s his friends who have brothers and wants Cuy to play video games, ride bikes, play hockey, visit friends with him. And that makes me sad.
I wish that I didn’t have to think ahead about every aspect of my day to ensure that Cuyler is prepared for what’s next. It is exhausting.
I wish I could sing. I love to sing, but something about me singing just completely bothers Cuy. He screams and yells for me to stop. Just me. Anybody else can sing. Just not me. And I have a way better voice then anyone else in the family.
I wish I could go ONE day without raising my voice.
I feel like I’m yelling all the time at one of the three of them. When did I turn into that mom??
I wish I could carve out more time for me.
I have made running a priority and have kept it up which I am pretty jazzed about. I have a gift certificate for a 1hr massage that I got for Mothers Day. 2009.
I would like to get my hair done more that twice a year. A mani/pedi more than once every 2 years and maybe throw Sean a bone and get myself a bikini wax every now and then.
I would like to get my hair done more that twice a year. A mani/pedi more than once every 2 years and maybe throw Sean a bone and get myself a bikini wax every now and then.
I wish I didn’t dread the thought of the future. I have absolutely no idea what lay ahead for us or Cuy. I am hopeful that he will lead a happy, productive life with meaningful relationships. But I am realistic and really don’t know if he will live an independent life.
I know I have a lot to be grateful for and I am. I have 3 healthy kids. An amazing guy who loves me and is a super dad. A home that we all love in a great neighbourhood.
I just know that if Cuyler’s anxiety could decrease that it would make him a much happier boy. And that’s all we want right? Happy, healthy kids.
I know many of Cuyler’s behaviours that challenge us will resolve over time, but history predicts that they will be replaced with new challenges.
We will meet them head-on and then a new wishlist will be created.
I am always so moved by your posts…thank you for letting us into your world. It is touching and heartfelt and one of my favorite reads of the day. The honesty of it is truly what makes your post so enjoyable!
Wow, that’s all I can say, wow. You are amazing. I wish that some of your wishes come true and I’m sprinkling fairy dust over my computer to make it true.
This could have been written by me. Its so amazing. Especially the part about anxiety and fear of dogs. And people say “He just needs to get used to them!” How does a child who is so afraid “get used” to a dog?? And I often feel, especially after these long summer days, that I am that yelling mom too.
That said, I think it’s okay to indulge in the wish list every once in a while. Keep bringing on these amazing writings of yours! Many days you are giving voice to my thoughts, Christine. Thank you for that.