Who’s Your Daddy??

People are curious about the whole sperm donor thing.  I totally get that – I would be as well.  I mean what kind of person would choose to be impregnated by a total stranger?  I picture Alien, and that creature coming out of that guys gut…I mean, who knows if my vial ACTUALLY contained who I picked?

So let me give you the rundown on Will’s Father.  I call him his ‘Father’ and not his ‘Dad’.   For some reason, for me, there’s a difference.  He contributed half of the boys DNA so he is something…but he’s not going to teach him how to shave or toss a ball so he’s not his Dad either – so I settled on Father.

Choosing a sperm donor is not unlike picking out a new bathing suit from the Victoria’s Secret catalog.  You go online.  You put in your search parameters; up pops a list of all that meet it; you browse the pics to see which one appeals to you and then you click on the picture to get all the details. 

Ah the details.  You get many, and I mean MANY details.  Let me ask you this – before you procreated with your husband, did you know if he had acne as a teenager?  Did you know if his ear lobes were attached or detached?  Did you know if his uncle ever had Type 2 diabetes?  Of importance to me, did you know if his DNA had already produced a healthy baby with someone?  I got all this information and more.

I started the process just as I said above.  I chose a sperm bank and I scoured the profiles on there.  I did indeed start with pictures.  At first I thought it was vain, but as my counselor noted, if I was looking for a   mate, I would naturally be attracted to a certain type of guy.  She also noted that most single women start their selection by attractiveness; married couples look for someone who looks like the dad; and lesbians tend to choose based more on interests.

I narrowed my list down to ten and did what any woman would do – I had a cocktail party with my friends to help me.  We had many bottles of wine, passed the profiles around in silence and everyone wrote their comments on them.  It helped tremendously.  We all came up with the same top three, albeit in different order.  My favourite comment about my eventual choice was, ‘if you don’t pick him, can we hunt him down and just hang out with him?’

Next up? The family.  My dad and step-mom reviewed as did my sister.  I sincerely thought my dad would go for the most successful of the group – the lawyer or the doctor.  But he also came up with the same top three.

After taking everyone’s advice into consideration, I chose the guy that my friends had picked as their #1.  After all, they all have way better taste in men then I do.  When I called to order – he was sold out.  Yup – apparently a popular choice!  And in hindsight, the best thing that ever happened to me because I went with my first choice.

So who is Will’s father?  He’s a tall, size 13 footed, artist from the North Eastern USA.  He has detached earlobes and never had acne in high school.  He comes from a healthy, non-cancerous stock.  His favourite book was not one that everyone was forced to read in high school.  He loves his mother.

Why did I choose him? 

#1 – his healthy family

#2 – the artistic background

#3 – he’s seriously cute

#4 – he was honest.  He admitted that indeed while he did want to help women, he also needed the money.

#5 – his background was uncannily like my friend Molly’s.  Molly is one of the strongest, most honest people that I know and I sort of hoped that sharing experiences as they did would cut him from the same cloth.

But one of the major reasons that I chose him is that he is willing to be contacted, if Will chooses to do so.  I was wisely counseled that this takes a potential issue off the table.  Maybe Will won’t want to meet him, but if he does, I want him to be able to do so.

After I gave birth to Will, the sperm bank sent me a formal package of info on my choice.  Glossy pictures of him as a baby and an adult and a more indepth personality profile.  This profile just confirmed to me that I made the right choice.  He is the MOST optimistic and positive person that I’ve ever ‘known’.  Hopefully this will offset my constant negativity and glass half full persona…KIDDING!

They also sent me a 20 minute mp3 of his voice.  I had specifically chosen not to listen to this before selecting as I kept kicking people off the list for their irritating voices.  Yes I’m aware this could be an issue in why I’m single.  I’m glad that I heard it and thrilled that I can share it with Will someday.  Articulate, funny, sarcastic.  Perfect. 

I truly hope that Will decides to meet his Father.  I’d just like to hug him and say thanks for giving me the greatest gift of my life.  Here’s a shot from Will’s first Father’s Day.  We’ve started our own tradition of ice cream and letting blue balloons go – just to take a minute to realize that neither of us would be here without him.

**more on Will’s multiple half siblings and other donor related issues later**

***Oh and to answer the #1 question – I think they get paid about a $100 a pop***