I’ve heard the argument that my main relationship must be lacking something that I need. That I’m not fulfilled. I disagree. I was deeply satisfied by my relationship before we opened it up, and if one of us decided to close it, I feel I’d still be deeply satisfied by my relationship. For us, it’s not about missing something, or not getting enough of something, any more than you have a second child because the first isn’t “enough.” My capacity to care for, or be interested in another person is not finite.
What is finite of course is my time. If I spend time with a person other than my husband, that could be seen as robbing him of time with me. To a certain point he no more begrudges me time with another person I’m involved with than he does my friends, my family, or my work. Note that I said to a certain point? Because of course we want to spend time with the person we love. And if his needs are not being met first, he will naturally be jealous of upset that he is not coming first.
We love each other very deeply. We are kind and respectful and adoring of each other. We have loads of sex of our own, together (yep, every day). If something’s missing, I’m not sure what it could be.