Marriages have resilience the same way other things do; friendships, the human body, the human spirit and perhaps most resilient of all; children. (At least we are all hoping this is true)
I have heard and observed too first hand, that this resilience has an expiry and drop dead time frame. Somewhere I read it is a year. In any marriage there are bad times naturally but it is said if this bad period lasts more than a year- without recovery, without hard work, without affection, communication and tenderness – it cannot recover.
So what makes a great marriage and keeps a marriage great?
For starters I love Dan Savage’s GOOD, GIVING AND GAME attitude.
I have observed what I think may be great marriages over the last few years. I have seen and believe this to be true- ( in some cases in the words of a few happily married people I spoke with)-
A great marriage laughs. Every day.
A great marriage shows tenderness and kindness.
A great marriage does not keep a ledger. You give and you do and do not keep count.
You take deep breaths between reactions.
You don’t look at your spouse with that WTF look on your face. Even if you are thinking it.
A great marriage has mutual respect, forgives and makes allowances
A great marriage is physical.
A great marriage has two individuals- each with hobbies, work and time alone and with friends. As my good friend said “I want to bring new stuff to the table all the time”
A great marriage puts the marriage in front of everything else.
A great marriage plays together- sports, games.
A great marriage has fun
A great marriage has this quiet understanding that is theirs and only theirs.
must haves
sense of humour
independent lives
great sex
similar child rearing beliefs and beliefs on moral issues
ability to listen
ability to get through an argument-you have to have them and you have to survive them
ability to talk to each other about trivialities and things that matter
great sex (say it again with me)
lack of complacency ( this is big)
self awareness
partnership mentality when doing anything -errands, fixing stuff, events, everything.
lots of red wine.
appreciation of all that you have most especially the relationship itself and family
a recognition of things that are important to the other and a willingness to support them
What do you think makes a great marriage?
Jen- you are such a good momma! This is the point, right. All relationships need to bring us up rather than down and us them too.
very good point
what if this was the rule list from the beginning for both sides? And excellent behaviour instilled excellent behaviour and so on?
This list is great, it really is, but how to make it a reality is a different question competely.
I love this list, Nancy. For me, it boils down to the same criteria I use when explaining to my kids what makes a great friend. I ask them, “Does your friend bring out the best in you, and do you feel like a better person when you’re with them?”
wow- thems fighting words
I am so glad you were not standing near anything sharp
lol Yes, I do. My husband has only ever gotten the capital WTF once: When my son had colic and I hadn’t slept in three days and I was shoveling M&M’s into my mouth, Mr. Love of My Life asked me (a) when I was going to have a shower, and (b) if I was at all concerned about my weight gain. It was also the only time I’ve ever screamed multiple expletives at him 🙂
ok, there is the wtf look and there is the WTF look and you know the difference!
I look at my husband with that WTF look. At least once a week (which is maybe where the importance of “sense of humour” comes in, ha ha ha). I think the hard work of marriage is to keep showing all of that love, respect, trust and admiration, because taking each other for granted is so easy. I really like this list.
How? Never easy. Worthwhile stuff is never easy, right?
Personally speaking, it is especially difficult when you want to murder them in their sleep! It has to come from all sides and luck needs to be in there and timing and so much. NOT EASY. HARD WORK for sure
yes – a big one- perhaps the biggest. I favour mutual respect too
see if I can find this in a person….maybe I’d get married! I love this list – for me successful relationship is trust, laughter and action!!!
Great list.
The question is how? These things do not always come easily do they?
Great list.
The question is how?
I’d have to agree with everything here… it’s a good list!!
trust…period.