It has been six years since I last had a good night’s sleep. The first few months after my first child was born I think I experienced something like a drug addict goes through during withdrawal. I thought my days of all-night studying and weekend partying had prepared me for lack of sleep but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Nothing can prepare you. I spent these first months in a haze, barely capable of brushing my teeth but somehow able to meet almost every need of my extremely demanding baby.
Now that I have two kids and the youngest is two and a half, I still haven’t slept. However, my body has adapted. Even when I have the chance to sleep, like traveling on business or when I am away with the girls, my body won’t let me. It is now conditioned to wake up every few hours and often stay awake indefinitely while I obsess over all of the things I need to get done. Sometimes I just get up and do them. At least then I can check it off my mental list and hope my body accepts this peace offering and lets me catch a few more winks.
I was telling my mom about this one day looking for sympathy. Needless to say she smiled knowingly (and a bit smugly I might add) and said, "You think it’s bad now, wait until they are teenagers!"
There are some days when I actually want my kids to wake up. If I come home after they are asleep and I have been away on business I relish crawling into bed with them and snuggling. Most nights though, I just want to close my eyes and wake up the next morning in my own bed, fully rested, satisfied in the knowledge that I have slept well. According to my mom that will have to wait until my children have grown up and moved out. Til then.
Jen