What happens if I lose my mind? Who’s going to parent my child?
There are days that I feel that the only good thing that I could do for my daughter is to let her have whatever she wants, eat whatever she likes, go wherever she desires and use my body as a prop in any of these adventures. I love a girl with spirit and I have to remind myself of this on those days when I am biting my tongue to keep from yelling a loud “AAAHHHH!!”
Quincy is nine months old and determined to do just about everything. I cannot accommodate her wishes fast enough on some days and the consequence for this tardiness is a writhing, fussing and generally ‘crusty’ baby. Don’t get me wrong, she really is a doll – sweet, fun, happy – but when you encounter ‘one of those days’ you are simply left to pray that the next one is not for quite some time. It’s grey-hair-inducing craziness that couples opposition with sleep deprivation – “no, I’m not going to bend my arm for that sleeve, momma”, “no, I’m not going to eat that spoonful, momma – now pass me that spoon, I’ll do it myself”, “I don’t want to snooze! I DON’T WANT TO SNOOZE!”, “I want to walk, momma, right now!! Just watch these contortions if you try to hold me any longer – and what does ‘clean up in aisle 7 mean?’ momma?”
I’m left to wonder if I am doing something wrong? If she is doing something unusual? Or if there will be time permitted for a shower today? Other mothers, a litany of books, a collective of family members assure me that this is all normal. I say, normal is as normal does…and as a new mom, this is as far from normal as I have ever been. I wonder what the next two years will be like…to my knowledge she hasn’t even begun the toddler years! What happens if I lose my mind? Without this valuable asset, how do you begin to look for it again? And where does a mind go to hide? I wonder…and as I do, I get down on my belly on the floor and look my daughter in the eye, bang a wooden spoon on the floor and say, “Baby girl – I love you!”
PS. Advice is welcome…
This post was contributed by Tracey, an urbanmoms.ca member and mother to Quincy seen above. We would love to hear your stories! Please send them by email to email@urbanmoms.ca.
Tracey,
I am sorry I can’t offer you advice. I can however offer you a good steady shoulder to cling to, or bang your head on, then I will remind you what you already know, how lucky Quincy is to have that great Momma that will get down on the floor and bang spoons, and how lucky we all are to have these wonderful exasperating kidlets that light up our lives. Keep enjoying her, and bang your head when needed!
Krista
This is normal, at least in my experience. I too have a strong willed 15 months old DD – and a really laid-back, very mature, responsible almost 6 year old DS. She’s already starting to boss her older brother around – we’re starting to have words with her about smacking and yelling at him. He takes it all in stride, but we want to nip this behaviour in the bud. She can also be the sweetest, friendliest adorable little girl when she wants to be, but when she doesn’t get what she wants, look out! I’ve had to let out the occasional steam as a cry for sanity — it does help, and it will get better hopefully as she gets older and you can communicate a little more as well. Let’s hope!
Dear Tracey,
As a mother of two boys ages 2 1/2 and 5 1/2 my advise to you is first, don’t have any more kids. I know that sounds so horrible, but it doesn’t get any easier. Think of what your going through now and times it by two. She sounds like a strong willed baby, so it’s going to be a battle of wills for awhile, but don’t let her win no matter what. She will eventually learn who is boss and you both will be alot happier. For me the hardest times of mothering are between the ages of new born and 4 yrs old. My 5 1/2 year old is just the perfect age for me right now. I don’t do well unless I can converse verbally with my child. Crying, whinning and tantrums make me feel like I’m going to explope. I just picked up a book from the bookstore that I just love. It’s called MotherStyles Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths by Janet P. Penley. I felt it took the guilt out of how I felt about motherhood. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my two little boys, but sometimes I get overwhelmed, and I’ve learned that that’s o.k. I am finding out with just little adjustments here and there my children and I can both really enjoy each other more and more.
Hi, to the one thinking she is going to lose her mind: here is what I’ve been learning from my therapist:
1. Experience the moment. If you feel exhausted, happy, mad, etc, it is okay to have those feelings.
2. Focus on one thing at a time. Example, a song in her head-focus, stop and focus on the next thing-feeding your baby, next, then next. That way your thoughts won’t be all consuming.
3. Let go of things you can’t control. It is okay to allow your baby to fuss once in awhile. They need to experience the moment to and to learn that mommy is tired and you too can wait. Also, you cannot always control others reaction whether it be your kids, friends, or unwanted advice (trust me on this one!!)
4. Self care with control. We need to look after ourselves to. Even if it mean you shower before you dress the kids, put makeup on before doing the dishes. It is okay to be selfish because you need strength for you as a person and also to give your kids.
I totally understand. Try not to allow people to give you the guilty feelings. You don’t want the best for your kids, you ARE giving them the best!!!! So try not to worry when dishes aren’t done, or half of the laundry is finished.
If you can get a few sleeps instead of mowing the lawn go for it!!
Love always,
Karen