Well. It happened. The new TLC show Virgin Diaries premiered tonight.
Many MANY of you commented in on the teaser post I had for you last week. How many of you dared to watch the whole show??
It was the ultimate train wreck and an hour of my life that I will never get back. But – I learned some things.
1. Do not bring up your plans for marriage and babies (or the fact that you’re a virgin) on a first date. Save it till the third maybe. Oh wait…I knew that. How did this chick not?!
2. The TLC editors are geniuses for managing to put in every stereotype of virgins/people not getting action… there were cats, weird relationships with mothers, tears, more cats, cougars…it was ridiculous.
3. Espousing your virginity while at the same time massaging your 30 year-old roommates like you’re at summer camp is awkward.
4. Having every guest at your wedding know that you’re virgins and on your way to do it after the event can prove for awkward high fives…and your dad saying ‘he wished he could be a fly on the wall.’ Ew.
5. Getting shut down by a 35 year-old virgin actively seeking to lose his virginity is not going to shoot your stock up ‘momma’ – I’m just saying.
6. Chewing on your new husbands face the same way you eat a ice cream cone later…is not a good indicator that you can kiss. Didn’t you practice on your Leif Garrett pillowcase for godsakes?…not that I know anyone who did that.
7. Having your mother suggest you ‘get that taken care of’ with respect to your virginity may be the biggest burn ever.
8. Saying you needed to think ‘creatively’ to consumate your marriage…on film…will forever be proof that someone should have bought you The Joy of Sex for a wedding gift.
I could go on and on…seriously…the show is a goldmine…but part of me was a bit sad for all them after the whole thing. And sad for me that I watched it.
*Best line of the night – When I have sex the lights will be off and there will be music on. Music to drown out the weird sounds and the dark to cover up facial expressions. (I guess romance is not dead)
I didn’t watch it (save for the horrifying clip you posted last week) but this I do not understand: WHO would agree to be so public about such a private thing? WHO?? I realize they get paid, but lordy, I can’t imagine what that number would have to be to make me do such a thing.
I don’t even know where to start. The dads face when they kissed was classic. He was just as embarrassed as the rest of us…but then he says he wants to be a fly on the wall..whaa??
And I’m sorry but Ryan, the groom, seemed underwhelmed at all the kissing they were doing. That or grossed out. She was making me incredibly uncomfortable the way she lunged at him all the time with her mouth all effed up.
Really. REALLY. Have they never seen anyone else kiss before. EVER?
Um. And can we talk about how he said it wasn’t as good as he thought it would be? We all know it wasn’t going to be. But don’t say that in front of your new wife. After all that planning she had done: him showering first, then her, then she puts on her lingerie, then they’ll drop their robes, then they’ll have floreplay…
The “reclaimed” virgin? No way. Not buying it. Nice try Tam…you sit there with your authentic virgin roommates telling us how you’ve had sex with at least 7 guys…even they weren’t buying it.
And the one who wants to have an orgasm when she loses her virginity. Bless her heart…
I want to see the follow up with the 3 virgin dudes. I wonder who hooks up with who?
And ya – the guy’s mother was totally encouraging a prostitute. She just didn’t want to say on camera.