What a powerful statement. But really, what else is there?
I had coffee with a friend who is going through a time of…well…transition. Life dealt some unexpected challenges forcing my friend to question life’s purpose and step back and take a good hard look. At first she thought her life was falling apart and that she was losing everything that mattered. She felt insecure. She felt ugly and unlovable and unworthy. She felt desperate and hated herself for behaving so desperately. Things had to change.
So, my friend went to therapy to try and help her sort things out and, as she said herself, to put the blame on someone else. The problem was that her therapist wasn’t buying it. Unlike her friends and family, her therapist wasn’t trying to protect her from anything. She was forcing her to face the facts. She was trying to help her peel back the layers and find the real truth, not what she wanted to be true (that she was a blameless victim) or what she hoped to be true (that it would all go back to the way it was) but the hidden stuff in the depths of who we are. Those things that most of us refuse to see.
She went at her hardcore. I won’t go into the details but her therapist laid the facts out in front of her. No “poor you” or “how could he” or “it will all be fine” but “who do you want to be?” and “why would you want to be with this person?” and “how did you contribute?”. And finally. The kicker. The message that it all boils down to. Each of us deserves to be cherished. Not respected or tolerated or valued but CHERISHED. That should be the baseline for every single relationship. Don’t waste time in relationships where you are not cherished and the feeling is mutual.
My friend smiled at me and said, “so, now I don’t”. She’s no longer afraid of what is going to happen because whatever happens she knows she deserves to be cherished. She has a renewed confidence and has a calm about her that I’ve never seen before. She is truly happy. Because now it is about being in charge of her own destiny. Choosing.
Next time you fall into the victim trap step back and take control. Choose to be happy. Choose to be with people who cherish you. Then the loss is really no loss at all. You deserve to be cherished.
Since the topic of your post was so similar to our website’s purpose and our first post, I actually came back to re-read your article and I noticed that the last line of your blog post is actually the TITLE of our–my–first blog post!!!
“You Deserve to Be Cherished”!!!! I swear, yesterday was the first day that I ever came to UrbanMom and I never read your blog or heard or saw anyone expressing that sentiment that way.
So, evidently, brilliant minds do think alike… You can read my post, it’s totally not a rip off of yours…just the title is the same statement as your last sentence. I don’t think that’s substantial enough a statement to invoke copyright protection. BUT if you feel uncomfortable about this development, I would be happy to work out some kind of acknowledgment of your statement…or I Could Change the title of our post.
You probably don’t care and it probably doesn’t matter, but I have a background in law, so I tend to think in a legalistic mode. I really don’t think that our website efforts will amount to much more than a fun hopefully self-supporting hobby anyway. But I just wanted to acknowledge the situation. Don’t want to step on any toes…
I agree with this sentiment so much that some friends and I started a website about it and we want to create a movement actually. We were focusing primarily on intimate m/f relationships; but with Mother’s day approaching, the focus is evolving. We’re putting the message on T-shirts, buttons, totes, etc. I’m going to post a link to this site on ours, but it appears that you all have better resources/experience. Do you know any graphic artists? Maybe you all can take up the cause. Come check we newbies out. We could use some advice…
I love the difference ‘being cherished’ makes when you think of your different relationships. Definitely helps you realize those around you who are truly important and that you want to cherish back.
I’m so busy I don’t have time to be cherished! Seriously, sometimes we forget and this is a great reminder. Good for your friend. I hope she remains happy.
my god…i need a therapist 😉
It’s amazing how powerful our own psyches can be at hiding our inner truths from ourselves. Thank God there are psychologists to help us sort it all out! Good for your friend focusing on her own inner truth.
So profound! We all need to remember that. It is what sustains us.
Diane