Vitis Vinifera is Addling My Brain

Ahhh…the humble table grape. Scientifically known as vitis vinifera; my all-time favourite fruit! Yes, yes! Put a grape up against any other fruit, and still, the grape comes out on top. Grape vs. peach? Grape wins. Grape vs. apple? Grape wins. You can even line it up against super-sweet, exotic fruits like, say, luscious mangos, and grapes still win. I will even pick a bunch of grapes instead of – gulp – what I once called "the perfect food" – the avocado (yes, it’s a fruit).

When I’m really doing well with Weight Watchers and I’m on program, I eat a lot of grapes. I’m talking three-to-four supermarket bags per week, here. Well, my kids help out (they’re grape-hounds too), but it’s like a Roman banquet in our house every day…I swear, I need a slave to peel and feed them to me, heehee.

But I’m beginning to suspect there might be a bit of a problem with my vitis obsession. First, there’s the cost. Once I actually paid attention to the numbers on the produce scale I realized I drop about $14 in one week on grapes! But truly, it seems worth it to me; when I’m feeling munchy, or when my sweet tooth is acting up, I actually prefer a bunch of grapes to a handful of candy. Really, I do! Plus, grapes (red or green, as long as the skin is eaten) are high in antioxidants. Although to be fair it must be said that by far the best source of antioxidants in grapes is the seed, which I don’t eat since I buy seedless grapes. But really, $14 a week on food that’s actually really healthy for you can’t be bad, can it? Honestly, I could eat my 10 servings of fruits & veg in one go on grapes!

The second thing I’m wondering about is if the grapes are, somehow, addling my brain. Maybe they’re  fermenting in my body and turning into wine, and I’m operating in a state of partial drunkenness all the time. Why? Well, I’ve just started doing stupid things. Here’s an example.

Every Tuesday my younger daughter goes to the babysitter, so I can get a good full day’s work in without her four year-old distractions ("Mommy, can you sign me in to Webkinz World? Can you turn on Treehouse? Can you get me a snack? Can you find my ponies? Can you get me a new dress?"). It’s a great arrangement and it works really well. I get a lot of work done on Tuesdays!

So, we’ve established that daughter #2 is not at home on Tuesdays. So, can someone explain to me why I enrolled her in ballet & tap classes on Tuesday mornings at 10:45? I mean, WAS I DRUNK WHEN I DID IT??? That’s all I can think of. Otherwise, what was going on (nothing, obviously) in my brain when I a) phoned the dance studio and got class dates & times; b) went to the dance studio to enroll (and PAY, look you); c) went to the dance store and bought her dance attire; d) wrote on the calendar — IN THE SAME SQUARE THAT SAYS "BABYSITTER 9:00" — "DANCING 10:45". I say again, I MUST HAVE BEEN DRUNK!

Okay, so, addled brain notwithstanding, I did actually toy with the idea of picking up said daughter, taking her to dance class, then returning her to the sitter. But there are so many reasons that this is a bad idea that I dropped it pretty much immediately. Next strategy was to make up a story for the babysitter and switch days with her. Again, not feasible because; a) I don’t know if she has space on a different day and; b) there’s a reason she goes on Tuesdays: Wednesday is a big deadline day for me so I need the help on Tuesdays specifically. Finally I decided I’d best call the dance studio and try to change to a similar class on a different day…let’s just hope there is one!

Do you see what I mean? Vitis vinifera is addling my brain. That, or I’m going senile really, really early.