If you read my personal blog, then you’ll know that last week I received a call from my doctor telling me that my ultrasound revealed I had actually been pregnant with twins, but one of them had been lost at six weeks. The surviving baby is healthy and strong and everything else looks fine.
The news has been strange to digest, since I was never attached to the notion of twins, so I haven’t been overcome with grief by the loss of the baby. Part of me feels a little guilty about that, but I think it’s OK.
But I can’t help but share the news and give a voice to the child that will never be, just to acknowledge him or her and that we would have been thrilled to meet him or her.
Knowing that I initially was pregnant with twins actually makes a lot of sense and explains why I got so big so quickly, why I was so sick (after not experiencing any nausea with my first two pregnancies) and why I suddenly felt better at the 10-week mark (it can take three to four weeks for your body to clue into the fact that it’s lost a baby and it takes a while for the hormone levels to drop). And also perhaps why from the onset of this pregnancy my eldest daughter had been telling everyone that I had a girl and a boy in my belly. Kids say the craziest things sometimes!
Right now she’s convinced that the baby in my tummy is a boy and he shall be named Jumpin’ Jack. So. We’ll see.
Thank you for sharing your story, Amanda. It is quite OK that you feel the way you do. Whatever works. I too had trouble connecting with the babies within but when we really met, things improved.
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