This song has been playing in my head for weeks.
It’s no surprise, I am under a lot of pressure, much of it self-imposed, but not all of it.
I’ve been struggling lately, a lot. Sometimes I think I’m crazy because I can’t handle it all perfectly and graciously.
I had a teleconference appointment with a psychiatrist and all I got out of it (because I already knew most of what he recommended) was “You’re coping very well under the circumstances”. Phew. I’m not crazy, or am I. The inner nattering started up almost right away.
Until my psychologist appointment when I felt like I was going to take charge of my life. Until I got home and was totally absorbed in my report cards and marking and that pressure.
Here is an outline of my pressure, names & places have been changed to protect the innocent.
I’ve been struggling lately, a lot. Sometimes I think I’m crazy because I can’t handle it all perfectly and graciously.
I had a teleconference appointment with a psychiatrist and all I got out of it (because I already knew most of what he recommended) was “You’re coping very well under the circumstances”. Phew. I’m not crazy, or am I. The inner nattering started up almost right away.
Until my psychologist appointment when I felt like I was going to take charge of my life. Until I got home and was totally absorbed in my report cards and marking and that pressure.
Here is an outline of my pressure, names & places have been changed to protect the innocent.
- My job change. Tripled my work load. I’m already sensitive and can’t handle the “tude”.
- I’m not living my dream, I feel like I’m supporting someone else’s dream.
- I want to write really well, about really interesting topics, but I don’t have the time to do the research and the reflecting (maybe because my mind is full of angst).
- My house is a big fat effing mess because I don’t have the will or the time to deal.
- I don’t have enough time for myself.
- I don’t have enough time for my kids.
- We have money issues.
- We have communication issues.
- I am dealing with serious substance abuse by someone close to me, I feel so helpless.
- I feel like a whiner.
On the plus side I’ve met some new friends, am exercising a little bit and sometimes feel capable. I met a woman yesterday who gave me hope. She had a very hard time with her relationships and was angry for a long time and now she has overcome all that and is very happy.
I know I am not alone. There are others out there who need to make a change like I do.
Hugs, Erin. I have no magic solutions, just sympathy and encouragement. You sound like you have some good coping strategies to call on. Try to set just one goal at a time, one issue to work on, which will make the rest of the load a little easier to bear. This week, the job, next week, the house, next week, the money plan… you can figure out a schedule. Having a plan is half the battle, for me anyway. Good luck!
Oh man I totally hear you here, my family is going through SO MUCH right now. I feel so overwhelmed when I try to think about it all. I’m taking it one day at a time and hoping that things start to take a turn for the better.
Oh doll… this is the worst time of year too – I’m constantly battling The Winter Sadness, and there never seems to be enough time for ourselves, for the kids, for the house… add in a healthy dose of job stress and marital/money/communication stuff… oy. I get it.
Sorry about your friend. I’ve been dealing with a substance-abusing friend for some years now – it’s just not easy. Last year I had to take a hard stance with her – I’m still sick about it. Fortunately, we’re getting to a better place now – maybe she’ll straighten up. Maybe not. We can only hope, and save our limited energy for what works – kids/home/family. It’s soooooo hard.
I’m glad you’re sharing though – you’re not a whiner!! Hang in there, lady… sending hugs. xox
You are so right Erin – you are not alone…..in your struggles and with others sharing the same. YOu need to give yourself props for recognizing and addressing things – whether you’re actively changing anything yet or not. So many people just accept things, think ‘this is the life I have’ and just trudge on. So sad. Lots of people…put me on that list…think you’re awesome!
Wow, that sounds like a lot for one woman to handle and process and juggle. Good for you for seeking some help and guidance and I wish you strength and guidance as you keep on moving forward.