We’ve been pretty lucky with WonderBaby – in addition to being the very embodiment of love, she is a sweet-tempered, easy-going baby. Sure, she has an indomitable will, and the strength of a dozen toddlers, and refuses to nap during the day, but any challenges that we have faced with her in her waking hours have been more than offset by the fact that she has always been a good night-time sleeper. She’s been sleeping through the night every night, with a very few exceptions, for as long as I can remember.
Until last night.
Last night, she woke around midnight and began whimpering. Within minutes, it was full-throated crying and threatening to escalate to screaming. She wasn’t in pain, she wasn’t hungry, and she wasn’t wet – these were cries of anger and frustration, and with every effort that we made to calm her (bottle! diaper change! soother! lovey!) she just got more upset. It was heart-wrenching, and exhausting. So we brought her into bed with us, whereupon she set about rolling around and chortling happily before finally – after nearly two hours – getting dozey and settling down to slumber.
The issue, it seemed, was that she simply – suddenly – did not want to be in her crib. She clung to my neck as she settled herself to sleep in our bed, and when her grip finally loosened, it did so only so that she could clutch my hand. And so we slept – rather, she slept, while I hunched my body awkwardly around hers and fretted about her rolling off of the bed, and while Husband retreated downstairs to the sofa – tangled together in the family bed, something we have not done since she was ’round about five weeks old. And although parts of it were lovely – she so rarely curls up quietly with me these days – it was exhausting. Exhausting to the point of delerium.
I know that babies will have their sleep disrupted by growth spurts and developmental spurts and teething and the like. I knew that our blissfully peaceful nights would be disrupted, at some point, by something. It seems that for WonderBaby, the sudden onset of separation anxiety is that thing. But knowing that the rough patches are inevitable doesn’t necessarily make them easier.
I anticipate some more difficult nights as we work our way through this rough patch, and I suspect that all that I can do to make this easier is to tell myself that this, too, shall pass.
But I gotta ask – anybody got any tips? How to calm the frantic baby in the middle of the night when the old stand-bys won’t do the trick? How to make baby love her crib again? Anyone?
And if you know of anyone out there in the blogosphere who has been struggling with sleep disruptions recently, send me their link and I’ll do a sleep-hell round-up at the end of the week with the links and with any sleep advice that you might (please?) leave in the comments. Misery loves company, but I’m just too exhausted right now to seek it out myself. So, help a girl out?
I tried strapping her down but she figured out how to undo the buckles…
Catherine: I know how hard it can be when your child won’t sleep! You lose all perspective and everything seems much worse than it is.
My advice: if you’re home during the day (i.e. not at the office, please) take a nap. All you really need is 20 mins or so and that should straighten you out nicely, at least in the short term.
As for how to get WB back in her crib…well, I could never make my kids GET in a crib in the first place, so we family bedded until 1 or 1.5 yrs with both, and I have been “starting off” with #2 until the last 2 weeks (she’s nearly 3.5) when she’s finally been able to go to sleep with a kiss and “I love you” all on her own. Please don’t let me have just jinxed myself but actually writing that down!
Okay, I am crying at Jen’s line: “I am mother to him while the sun shines so will be the same under the moon.”
I think my kid has slept through the night twice in 17 months, but we family bed, so waking means little more than patting her back to let her know that we’re still there, or giving her the boob if she still won’t settle.
so, in other words, no; no advice. sorry.
You mentioned you wanted links… well here are some of my posts about sleep, well really the lack of it:
http://writeabouthere.blogspot.com/search/label/sleep
It’s taken me a long time to stop blaming myself for my baby’s lack of sleep, but then I caught myself this morning feeling like a failure as a mother again. I just need to remind myself of what Dr. Sears says: It’s not our job to create independent sleepers. It’s our job to make sleep a safe and secure state of being for our children, or something along those lines.
Miss M got a cold on the weekend and is teething with her 2nd set of molars. Sleep, pray tell, what is this thing called sleep that you are talking about?
Urgh. The sleep problem. The great ugly devouring beast of infant/toddler sleep problems. I wrote about it last spring (http://madhattermommy.blogspot.com/2006/05/its-becoming-habit.html)and now, 5 months later, I still have no good answers. I wish you luck and godspeed and all those platitudes that will make you feel supported but will not make you feel well rested.
me! me! me!
my nights have been hell the last few days. mostly do to the biggest top front teeth in the history of teeth (we’re talking bugs bunny territory here)
poor kid. she’s teething like nuts. which means no sleep for me. or the husband.
no advice. at all.
it sucks balls.
Oh dear. Sorry Catherine, no words of wisdom. Just wanted to say I feel for you and Wonderbaby. You can borrow the World’s Greatest Dog. Ever. Maybe Nixon is what Wonderbaby needs.
Something warm to cuddle with so Mommy can get her beauty sleep.
There seem to be a lot of posts about sleep today:) I’m sure Wonderbaby will go back to her regular sleeping habits. In my experience – good sleepers are just good sleepers. There are always exceptions (like the other night with Wonderbaby) but I think she’ll settle right back down for you. My oldest, on the otherhand, didn’t sleep through the nite (not even once) until he was 22 months old. He even went through a several month period of having night terrors every nite when he was about a year and a half old. He would scream and cry, but even when we would take him out to try and comfort him, the screaming and hysterics would continue. No amount of comfort would console him. His eyes would be wide open, his body stiff as a board and it was like he couldn’t even hear us talking to hime. The only thing we found that would stop the episode was a drive in the car…no matter what time of night or how freezing cold. And if we tried to let him cry it out without the car ride, he would cry and scream until he made himself sick….literally…like, projectile. He saw a pediatrician for this, which is when we were told that what he was experiencing was called night terrors. It lasted almost a year. It was a rough year! But, he’s almost 12 now and has no trouble sleeping… I’m lucky to get him out of bed at all!
Sounds like I’m not alone! Sleep issues are par for the course in our house. We gave up years ago trying to “work through” the crying and nightmares. Now we simply do what we can to make sure everyone gets as much sleep as possible. This means that every night (no exceptions, you see) my 7 year old (yes, that’s YEAR) climbs into our bed in the night. This confident, sweet, smart, and highly sensitive boy is terrified of being alone at night. I am mother to him while the sun shines so will be the same under the moon.
My 3.5 year old is a pretty good sleeper. Usually she wakes during transitional times (like it sounds like with WonderBaby) and she rarely comes into our bed (too crowded!) and is rarely scared.
I really believe that some kids (like adults) are just not great sleepers. My son will sleep soundly and peacefully as long as he knows Mommy or Daddy are there. My husband and I have learned to sleep with him in the bed (one of us usually ends up in his bed) and feel confident that this is the right thing for an anxious little sleeper. Soon enough he won’t want anything to do with us! We’re taking advantage of this now.
I think WonderBaby will likely go back to her regular sleep pattern when she works through this. Good luck! Let us know how tonight goes.
I have no answers for you, just sympathy; well, actually not that much sympathy because my 8-month-old is a lousy sleeper and pretty much always has been. I don’t think I’ve gotten more than 4 hours of sleep in a row since he was born and that only a handful of times.
My blog is full of my obsession with his (my) sleep.
But, he has also woken in the middle of the night, apparently to play. And it was just a one-time sort of thing.
For us, sanity came in the form of giving up on the whole crib thing and giving into cuddles. Not for everyone, I know; but I’ve been much happier and less obsessive since our decision to give up.
I just keep trying to remember that the time will come way too fast when he won’t want cuddles.
i am on my 3rd baby sleeping in my bed.too lazy to bother with rigid schedules &listening to incessant crying…anyways point being my 13 & 6 year old are sleeping in own beds.and so hopefully will baby by the time she’s lets say 3,4.i can only hope.said baby likes to keep mum up until 10/11 every night.oh yes she rules our house.my other point being sooner or later they out grow these bad habits.maybe you can try to change wonderbabys’ sleep routine a bit.try getting her in bed a different way.keep trying & somethings bound to work.
We have two tactics to keep her in her crib at all costs.
1) We have a futon on the floor next to her crib so we can lie there in her room with her.
2) We will climb right in with her until she’s asleep or we can convince her that we need to go do something like pee or feed the cats.
Oooh, I just posted on a tangentially related issue yesterday (not so much the sleep disruptions as the rage engendered by same).
Is an ear infection a possibility? (I’ve got those on the mind right now too.)
I wouldn’t yet lose hope that this could be a one-off. That sometimes happens. Not that you can ever believe that at 3 am when you’re pacing the floor and wondering how you’ll function now that THIS is part of the nightly routine.
i have no advice! Just sympathy as I am in the same shoes. Samantha was a great sleeper until (and I kid you not!) I made a comment on another site about giving advice on sleeping and she has woken up every night since then. We don’t know if it’s her teeth, hungry, cold or hot. We’ve tried it all, bottle diaper and finally bringing her into our beds. All we know is that one day she will sleep again. In about 10 years.
So right now I just get up every night, rock her back to sleep, lay her in the crib and run like hell to my bed where I lay under the covers praying for just one more hour! Ain’t motherhood grand!!! hehehe.