Three is the Magic Number

I tested positive for the Down’s Syndrome gene during my pregnancy. I’d
submitted to the testing the day after we got back from two weeks in
Central America (or otherwise known as how we came to fall in love with
Belize) so I was jetlagged and didn’t think much about it until I got a
call from a genetics counselor. These cats are so serious. And the
appointment was serious. Moderate risk of child being born with DS.
Please get amnio.

Even though I’ve had my head up my ass since
the second I got pregnant, I was coherent enough to know that the risks
of miscarrying from an amnio are about the same as M having DS. And
we’d seen her by now – her little fingers and toes and kidneys and
perfect little spine. She was real to us, and real enough to know that
if DS was our roll of the dice, so be it. Given my previous post, I
might assume folks reading might think "ungrateful woman. get an
abortion if you don’t want to have a kid". Strangely, I never
considered it.

M makes her appearance. I’ll save you the details
because giving birth is a very common phenomenon. However, right after
she was born they brought in a specialist who said "I am not entirely
convinced she has Downs." Not "I am not entirely convinced she doesn’t
since that silly test said she might, and hell, she looks great, so
let’s just rule it out." Oh, and we won’t have the results for 2-3
weeks.

2-3 weeks were spent analyzing her every expression and
movement. To decide to a degree of analytical certainty if that
particular instance warranted the "maybe she does….", or "think that
facial expression looks like….?" We were very scientific about the
whole thing, obviously.

I remember being in the kitchen when the
phone rang. I recognized the hospital prefix on the caller ID.
Negative. Hysterical laughter while hanging up on the genetic
counselor. Screaming, crying, hugging while sobbing on our knees on the
kitchen floor. We didn’t know we had that much pent up till it all came
running out that sunny fall afternoon.

Jen is an urbanmoms.ca member and blogger (visit her blog One Plus Two here).
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