This time I told “the guilt” where to go.

Back in the fall, there was an assembly at the boys school and the cross country runners were presented with their ribbons.  Cam was one of them.  Once his name was called I could hear Cuyler in the crowd starting to cry and fuss.  I could hear him and through his jargon figured out that he wanted the principal to call his name so he could go up to the front of the school.  Apparently even the kids standing at the front of the gym could hear him.  Once all the kids had their ribbons, Cam immediately ran to the back of the gym where Cuyler was sitting and pinned his ribbon to Cuyler’s shirt.  I could see several teachers look over at me, but I didn’t make eye contact with any of them because I didn’t want them to see the tears in my eyes.  It was quite a moment for me.  I was so incredibly proud of Cam for what he did – yet I felt so bad for him that he couldn’t really enjoy HIS moment.

When she had her recital on the last day, the whole family came.  Grandparents included.

The little ballerina’s were just too cute for words.  Unbeknownst to us, Cuyler also had a knack for dance and decided to crash their performance.

Trying to get him to sit back with us was no easy task as all the other parents were laughing and just perpetuating his behaviour.  It was pretty cute…but still.  Not his moment.

Eva’s school had their spring concert last night.  I decided to leave Cuyler at home.  I knew with 100% certainty that he would have run up onto the stage and started singing with them and taking attention away from the little ones.  So…Cuyler would stay back home with my Dad.

And I felt guilty about that. 

For about 45 seconds.

Then I told the guilt that it could eff right off.  It wasn’t gonna get me this time.

  

We make every effort to be an inclusive family.  We like to do things as a family as much as possible.  I remember back to 2 years ago, the awful gut wrenching feeling I had when a parent of one of Cam’s teammates told me she had no idea we had another son.  Broke my heart.  

I was so afraid that people would think we were hiding him away.  But the truth is – he despises going to the arena.  Hates it.  Refuses to go.  So I don’t take him (Sean coaches so he has to go).  Otherwise Eva and Cuy would be rink rats, just like the rest of the siblings.  But they would rather be at home playing.  
Ever since then, we have made a concerted effort to do as much as we can together.  All 5 of us.   But sometimes we need to avoid it if we can.  I decided last night was one of those times.  And I was OKAY with it.

So, yes,  it would have been nice for the boys to see their sister perform with her little classmates, but I made the decision that we would let this be all about Eva and give her her moment.  With no brotherly interruptions.