Nancy wrote this post about stupid questions and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about the things that people have said to me that have stung or hit a nerve. Things that I know are not supposed to bother me. Things they probably don’t mean and often never even register. But these are the things that rest heavily at the core of self-doubt and insecurity.
For me it has always been my height. I am a very proud tall woman from a family of proud tall people. My mom was 5’11”, I have a male cousin who is 6’8″ and many relatives who come in well over 6′. I have beautiful female cousins who are over 6′ tall. So, at 5’11” I was never out of place with them. My kids are tall and my gorgeous hubby is 6’4″. However, in the regular world, my height sometimes seems to be of great interest to others.
My height was obviously a focal point and I get that. It is not something you can ignore. But really?? Some totally bizarre things were said to me about my height while growing up. And I know for a fact that if they were said about anything else it would have been completely and totally inappropriate and even harassing. So, I am going to take some of my personal stories and flip them around so you can see what I mean. For me it was height but imagine if…
For me it was “tall” but imagine it was “fat”. Picture a 6 year-old child going on a playdate for the first time. When she arrives at the house the friend’s mom says, “Oh hello. My aren’t you fat! Are you sure you’re only 6? You look fat enough to be at least 8 or 9!”
(No one would ever DARE say this to an overweight child so why to a tall child? This happened ALL the time. I see it with my very tall son but not to the same degree. People would see me and think I was older. They couldn’t understand why I was crying or acting out in a way appropriate for a little child when what they saw was an older child.)
OR
For me I was tall and looked older but what if…A 12 year-old girl is getting on the TTC bus alone for the first time from an unfamiliar place and the driver says, “Hey! You’re too small to be on this bus. Unless you can prove that you are actually old enough to get on this bus you have to get off. NOW. I don’t care about your tears. Get OFF unless you can prove your age.”
(In this case I was 12 but he didn’t believe me because I was 5’7″. He thought I should have a student card but you had to be in High School to get one and I was in grade 7. He kicked me off the bus.)
OR
For me I was too tall to wear the “cute” shoes but no one would dare say you were “too ugly”. Picture a 15 year-old girl trying to buy the same trendy shoes as all of her friends. When her mom asks the clerk about these little heels the older female sales clerk says, “I don’t think so, dear. I think you are too ugly to wear those shoes. Those shoes are for cute, little girls and you are simply too ugly.”
(Oh, the shame. I was “too tall”. My mom was absolutely furious and gave the sales clerk a piece of her mind. But it didn’t change the fact that clearly, tall girls couldn’t pull off “cute” like their little friends could.)
Catch my drift? Although these things obviously hit me hard and they likely seem way worse to me, they hurt. It made me feel different and fed my insecurities and made me feel gigantic. I felt less attractive as a young woman and uncomfortable around short men because of the focus on my height. I actually secretly hope that my daughter is tall but not too tall like her mother. Not because I don’t love being tall but because I know how hard it can be.
Anyone else experience these types of comments as a child about your height or something else?