I wish someone had told me the truth before I had the Boy. Seriously, I wish someone had just sat me down and told me all the things that wouldn’t go the way I wanted/thought/hoped they would. But, I guess it’s better that I didn’t know everything. When you’re 10 days overdue, huge, uncomfortable, and eating more Mars Bars then any human should ever consume, you really don’t need to hear advice from anyone.
But, if I were to talk to someone who was pregnant for the first time and wanted to know the absolute truth (as I see it) about the time leading up to the birth of their child, I would say:
1. Stretch and Sweeps are the worst thing ever. Do not feel ashamed if you cry. I did. Both times.
2. There is absolutely the chance that your child will come late. Even if you’re huge. Even if you do every single thing known to man to try to get that child out. They might not want to leave.
3. Stop looking at the scale at the doctors office at about 35 weeks. You just don’t need to know what you weigh anymore. Trust me on this one.
4. If you are induced, you might not have the baby quickly. I was induced. I was in labour for 17 hours. Everyone, including the doctor on duty, said I would have the baby within 5 hours of being induced. They lied.
5. Teach your husband to give you ice chips one at a time…not entire heaping spoonfuls. You’ll thank me when you’re not choking on ice!
6. Wear water proof mascara in the delivery room if you plan to wear makeup at all. I forgot. Raccoon eyes!!
7. You might feel really sick. I did. Have your husband ready with a kidney shaped dish in case you need to throw up. It’s useful.
8. Once you are pushing, you will not care who is in the room and what they are looking at. I was adamant that no one except for the doctor should be looking down there. Guess what? For those 2 hours that I pushed a marching band could have passed through the room and I wouldn’t have cared one bit!! You wouldn’t either.
9. It’s OK to be scared. It’s OK to be scared. It’s OK to be scared.
10. The moment you hold your child for the first time will be the most amazing moment of your life. Raccoon eyes, cankles, vomiting, and marching bands will all be forgotten. Because now you’re mom, and it was all worth it!
what a great post!! I laughed out loud when I read the part about the marching band.
Too funny.
I had to throw something at my husband to get him to come running with the kidney-shaped dish. My nurse had just gone for coffee, I was completely numb and bedridden, and DH was asleep when my nausea hit. I tried calling him, but in the end I ended up throwing an empty ice-chip cup at him… Poor guy was probably running with the bucket before he was even awake!
And why do they torture us by making us weigh ourselves when we can’t even see our feet? I couldn’t even look away at my Drs office because they made you do it yourself and write it down. Cruel.
11. when it feels like you’re having a ginormous poop, get off the toilet and give birth! (yes, i almost had a wet baby)
It’s true, it was (and is) all worth it.
previous comment: ice chips in latex glove. I have a photo of that on my face since my eye lids were puffier than Sam Crenshaw (Today’s Special, anyone?) That photo will NEVER surface.
also add that don’t be bullied by nurses that say, “hey, jump off that bed and run to the door because we’re moving you”. stand firm and say, “wheelchair please and husband, carry me”
Great post, Sarah! So true, and so funny. Next post will have to be about 10 things to know when you are post-partum…ice chips in a latex glove=new mom’s best friend!
Great post. Like the ice chips note, that’s a good one. I wish I had known that in the hours after birth, it wouldn’t be my kidney falling out of me when I went pee for the first time, just the normal messy stuff…. I thought I was dying!!!!
LOVE IT! Very true 🙂 Aren’t they completely worth it!!!
NEVER look at the scale!!!
Every single word is true! The marching band especially. Once those animal instincts kick in modesty goes out the window. Awesome post, Sarah.