I would have had more kids if I were better at it, the whole “being patient and selfless” thing. The fact of the matter is, our girls push me to the brink more often than I’d like, and I wish I could take it more in stride. I let the tantrums really get me down, the incessant messes bog my soul, the relentless responsibility and their resistance to boundaries grates at my core.
Just before he had his vasectomy, I asked my husband if he would be willing to have more kids if I didn’t find them so tough to raise and he said yes. If I loved every minute of it, like some moms seem to, and if I thrived in the day-to-day motions of making these wily little individuals fit for society at large, I think I too would have loved the idea of a larger family.
Alas. Our girls are tough little nuggets of iron wills and balled-up fists and nothing has simultaneously humbled me and made me so proud as they have.
Three is enough. It’s just right for us. (Besides, I don’t think you could cram a fourth in the tractor.)
Did the number of kids you ended up with match your original hopes? Did you end up having more or less than you dreamt of?
I only ever wanted one, and after Ty came along my motto became “done at one”. And I stuck with that for 3 years, but then he was growing up too fast and I realized once this time passed I wouldn’t be able to get it back. So I decided to give it another go, but I honestly didn’t think I’d get pregnant. With Ty it took 18 months to conceive, and this time I was 36 so I thought the odds were against me. HA! A month later we were expecting, and in November we were blessed with Brady and we can’t imagine life without him. He completes our family. And I love the 4 year, 2 week age difference between the boys. I’d heard many times that going from one to two kids is overwhelming, but given this age gap and Ty’s easy going personality, the transition has been much easier than I’d imagined. But now we are officially (thanks to the “bonus” surgery after my c-section) done, and our new motto is “two will do” 🙂
I had planned to have at least four, maybe six. I come from a big family, and there was no time in my life that I hadn’t been around babies and children. I thought I could handle anything. (Hah!) When I was pregnant with my first child, I realized how much I don’t enjoy being pregnant. There are glowing, happy, gorgeous pregnant women… and then there was me. (Swollen, vomiting, sweaty, limping and miserable). But I still wanted to have at least three more. But when my son developed colic, about three weeks after he was born, and didn’t grow out of it for nearly a year. And then when his paed told us colic tends to run in families…. We’re done. I can’t do colic again. I refuse to risk coping with colic again. My husband had a vasectomy when Bug was two, and our family of four is perfect in every way, for us 🙂
We have two kids, a girl and a boy who are 2yrs and 9 months apart. While they certainly aren’t easy I have found that between the age gap, their personalities and ours (mine and hubby’s) we have mostly been able to enjoy them at each stage they areing grow into. We knew we wanted two kids, I was open to more, but after our second – due to age and a diagnosed medical condition – my husband said no more. I grieved that for awhile, thinking I wanted a third. Now that the younger one is over two and getting “easier” I’m okay with our family as it is.
sometimes i think i should have had 2 less than i do now but i never really wanted more than 2. unless i could magically have 6 at once…i think i’d do okay with a large brood but i just can’t get past 3. i’m pretty sure 3 kids would be my downfall.
unlike ashley s, i’m great at pregnancy and i wish more women could have my experience. i know there are so many women out there who have tough pregnancies or can’t even get to that step.
I love how honest you are Amanda – I think you’re awesome. I always thought that I’d have more than one. But honestly, I feel so blessed that he’s healthy and amazing that I don’t want to risk going back to the well. And it wouldn’t be fair to put him – or my family – through another round of PPD. I’ll stick with my boy!
We wanted 2.
We were done at 2. Or so we thought.
Eva had other plans and we found ourselves the parents of 3 children.
She’s the one we didn’t know we needed.
Our bonus baby.
We currently only have one daughter – and she’s young still. She’ll be three this summer. We are also expecting a baby in the fall and are in the process of adopting out of the foster-care system, so we will accept a placement in about 18 months.
My husband and I both come from large, tight-knit families. When we first met, I said that I wanted two or three biological and two or three adopted – and I was only willing to consider foster care adoption or international adoption out of orphanages located in countries that had accepted the Hague convention and could be verified to only accept children who were not trafficked, etc. My husband said that he wanted two or three biological and two or three adopted – and he was only willing to consider foster care adoption and he wanted, once our children were grown, to consider adopting teenaged siblings and giving them a positive start to their adulthood and a place to come home to forever after.
I think that in two or three years, after we’ve been living with three for awhile, we’ll decide whether or not to move forward and continue adding to our family. The truth of the matter is that when we made the decision regarding how many children we wanted…we had different parental circumstances in mind. We planned to send our children to public school and maintain me as a stay-at-home mother…or at the very least, send me back to school and credential me up so that I could teach and have a schedule similar to our children’s. But now we’re planning on home-educating, which requires much more time and effort on my end. Am I still willing to raise four to six children when I’m around them all day long without a break? I don’t know. We also didn’t have a clear idea on what to expect from adoption – we thought it would be easy-peasy, just find an infant who needed a home and give them one. But now that we know more about it, we want to focus on adopting toddlers and young children of minority ethnicities, preferably in sibling sets – the children who are, in other words, least likely to be provided with a permanent home – and the fact is that we’re now looking at dealing with attachment disorders and other special needs that we simply weren’t anticipating when we started dating.
I do still think that when our children are grown we will probably continue to foster and may possibly adopt a sibling set of teens who want a permanent home. I just don’t know if we’ll really add to our family beyond three between 18 months from now and 20 years from now.
Jon and I always kinda laugh when asked this question. When we first got married, he always said he only wanted 2 and I said that I wanted 3 (or 4), we just didn’t realize that God was adding our numbers together. ha ha. We actually just never felt right about doing something “permanent” until after the twins were born. Once the twins were a part of our family, we felt like our family was complete. 5 is definitely enough for us. They’re a lot of work, there are hard days, but I enjoy being a Mom of 5.
I don’t know. Since I had my first kid at such an early age, I hadn’t even thought about if I wanted kids and if I did, how many I’d have. Then when my pregnancy with Liliana was so ill-received, I said two is enough. I couldn’t go through the emotional torture of an accidental pregnancy again. And then Noah wanted a third and I said, “SURE!”
I don’t know, I think that in a perfect world — one where I had planned children, great mental health, and a partner who was willing — I’d have five. I like the idea of five kids. I love the baby years (and have been gifted easy babies) and I’d love the big family when I’m older and have a gaggle of grandchildren.
Also, by the time we finally came to having a planned kid, the age gap between oldest and youngest was 10 years and I don’t really want to go past that. I’ve been a mom since I was 18 and I kind of want some fun kid-free years with Noah before we’re all old and crotchety, you know?
Well I applaud the honesty here. I found early child rearing VERY challenging. LOVE my girlies but originally I was good with one. Then threw my own guilt/indecisiveness we went for two. NO WAY I could have done three, so kudos to you Mom!
PS – mine are now almost 11 and 14 and they are AWESOME! 🙂
When we got married Corey said 4, I said 2 – we said let’s see. We always new it would be at minimum 2 but after Audrey was born my soul ached for another baby, another sweetheart to love/raise. The thing is I SUCK at being pregnant, it is bad from just after conception to delivery. After a lot of treatments & needles in my belly that pain finally left, then I managed to get close to the body I dream of and selfishly I’m not sure I want to destroy it again. And until I know for certain that what’s happening to Audrey isn’t genetic or hereditary I won’t even consider another. We still talk adoption though.
And for the record Amanda, you’re a great Mom – you love them, feed them, cry for and because of them, they are safe and God is proud. Even the mommas who appear to take it all in stride have hard days – you just don’t see them because it happens behind closed doors.
We knew we wanted two and two is what we got!