Few adults fully understand the importance of two daily events that happen for all children during the school day – recess! Recess is the time when children have the greatest opportunity for unstructured and unsupervised play. There are no parents and few teachers around. This can be the best part of a child’s day or the worst. This is the time when bullying occurs most frequently – away from the eyes of watchful teachers. In a sense, the typical boy bullies are easier to deal with – their bullying is usually physical and easy to spot. For girls, bullying often takes the form of exclusion and snippy comments. “Clubs” are formed and only a select few are let in. Don’t be fooled – this happens as early as grade one! While teachers try to help our hands are often tied. If we have not witnessed an incident we cannot call up a parent and accuse their child, no matter what we have been told. We can have a general discussion but names are never used.
So, what can you do?? There are several things that you can teach your child and that we as teachers try to reinforce in the classroom. First, nobody deserves to be treated poorly. We all deserve to feel liked and respected and we need to seek out those people that make us feel that way. Second, we must treat others the way we expect to be treated. Even the “nice” kids often fall into the trap of becoming members of the club – and if they are not exactly bullies then they are certainly bystanders. Thirdly, some situations can be resolved by children, but some situations require adult intervention. It is okay to ask for help – the best case scenario is when all the children involved can sit down together and discuss the problem and possible solutions.
As a parent, you have to decide when it is appropriate to intervene and when you need to be hands off. It is never appropriate to approach another student on or off school grounds. You can, however, approach the parents. Keep in mind, that no one wants to hear anything negative about their child and that children and adults alike usually have a reason (real or imagined) for their behaviour. If you’re child is being treated poorly you have to be willing to accept that sometimes they too may have played a role in this.
Very often teachers are unaware of problems between students. Be sure to inform your teacher if there are any issues your child is having. Try not to use any names, but don’t worry – we are very good a figuring things out! At the very least, we can be an extra pair of eyes and we can inform other staff members to keep an eye out for your child. Always remember that school is time for learning about ourselves and what kind of people make good friends for us – this requires a good deal of trial and error. There are bound to be some painful times but children are resilient and usually move on fairly quickly. Reinforcing the important lessons above with your child should give them the tools to recognize and resolve these situations and to know when to ask for help.
Sue, urbanmoms.ca’s Education Expert, is a mother of 3 and a teacher for more than 10 years. Her experience in the classroom and as a mother provide a great perspective to help teachers and parents open up the lines of communication. Sue is a regular contributor to the Urban Parents section of urbanmoms.ca.