Truth be told, this has NOTHING to do with what I had planned to write about…perhaps I needed to have a confessional about my ‘hate-on’ of yesterday????
I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster lately, as if you couldn’t tell by my posts. I thought about it after reading Jen’s post on feeling numb to her emotions lately. I’m sort of the opposite these days – I’m not manic really, I just have moments of intense highs and moments of intense lows – oh wait, maybe I am manic! Sometimes I think I need to go back on my postpartum meds but honestly, while I don’t always enjoy the rollercoater, I found my drug-induced numbness disconcerting.
Like yesterday for example. Will has been super, super clingy and dramatic for the last five days. After going to the doctor today, I sincerely hope it has to do with his chest infection because he’s killing me slowly. Yesterday was a twenty minute tantrum into hell, following the 7th 5am wake up in a row, because I wouldn’t give him my electric toothbrush. Dude – it’s a TOOTHBRUSH. The same one I use everyday that you couldn’t have cared less about but all of a sudden it’s like the freaking Holy Grail! I lost my patience and essentially threw him in the car. When I dropped him off at daycare, I sat in the car and cried because I hated him; hated being a mother and hated myself for the previous two thoughts. Then I went home and did some spring cleaning. I found all the cards from my baby shower – words of support telling me how brave I was; how my mother taught me well; how difficult yet rewarding motherhood could be. Then I read that damn Robert Munsch book again…and I cried some more but not because I was sad per se, more out of the realization that this is motherhood. It ain’t all carrying around your perfectly behaved kid and living on those multiple, multiple highs that my hilarious, amazing boy provides. And I felt much, much better and ready to conquer the world again. (oh before I locked myself out of my house and car…but I didn’t freak out!!).
But I do need to learn to deal with the lows and fast – any tips?
Ah the highs…..
photo by barebonephoto.com
Speaking of lows, I could also comfort myself knowing that my lows paled to the lows my neighbour was feeling apparently. I started Easter Sunday off with a 5am yell for help. Now, my ‘hood is a little low brow. It’s like the boy who cried wolf. I hear cries for help alot. This one sounded different and sure enough when I ran downstairs, there was a guy attempting to hang himself across the street. I was on the phone with 9-11 for a bit and they showed up and all is well (well, except for the rope that is still hanging from the balcony..ummm could you take it down please?). Suffice it to say, after reading those cards and thinking about that dude – I hugged my grumpy, whiney boy hard when I got him from school last night.
having a strong and healthy teeth is a must. taking good care of my teeth is always my priority.
Hi Sara, I go through the same things but my daughter is a year and bit ahead of Will so hang on because it’s going to run its course for a while longer.
I have determined that my monthly cycle really plays a role in my day to day life and how I handle things. I recommend you read a book called “28 days: What Your Cycle Reveals About Your Love Life, Moods, And Potential” by Gabrielle Lichterman. It’s a humourous but oh-so-real day to day guide through your cycle.
I also recently learned that as we age PMS can go through the roof and this can also be triggered by past periods of post partum depression. Anyways, it all makes sense to me because I have 2 good weeks at the beginning and then 10+ days of being on an emotional roller coaster….add a dash of career and being a single mom and I can be assured of several blow ups and lost patience. Follow of course by feeling like the world’s crapiest Mom.
I LOVE that idea Jen – sign me up for the soaker tub!
Kenny – isn’t that nuts…honestly, the stuff that goes down on my street is surreal. Who needs a tv, just look out the window!
You are an amazing mom – your fantastic kid is a testament to that. Every mom has moments & thoughts like you had…if it was perfect all the time, we’d have no context to see how perfect it can be. My advice? Date night…with yourself! I can come by any time if you want some babysitting (I’ll bring Maia and Will won’t even notice you’ve gone)…
xo
I can’t believe that about your morning!!!!
Oh, and brutal about your neighbour. Things could definitely be worse. Sad.
Ahhh, Sara. Any mother who is honest with herself has been there many, many times. My friends and I have joked that we need to pool our resources and buy a Mommy Flat in our neighbourhood that we can move to for a day or two when we just can’t take any more. A place with an unlimited wine cellar, girlfriends, a big screen TV, and a soaker tub.
In my opinion the best treatment for mommy overload? A break. Find someone to hang with your guy for 24hrs and treat yourself to a night out and a sleep in. If you’re looking for company, call me!
Oh, Sara! When Ally is not feeling well he is short-tempered and clingy too, and it can be very wearing. This probably won’t surprise you to hear, but my solution is to put Ally in the baby carrier and walk around. It seems to give him that fix of physical connection and allows us both to get some breathing room. You can borrow the Ergo if you want to try it out!
Ally also loves his dad’s electric toothbrush. What if you got Will one of his VERY OWN??? (the cheapo kids’ versions?)
Geez. That small print stuff happened???
I think you’ll find that after a period of time the highs won’t be quite so high
and the lows won’t be quite so low. You (generically speaking) are so tuned into your toddler’s emotions and they don’t have their own emotions in check yet, so I think yours always tie in with theirs…That’s why it feels like a rollercoaster. As time goes on, and they start to live their external lives a little more, I think it settles down. They become interested in things that take them outside of themselves and
therefore, so do you. I can remember Fraser getting so fussed up about
peeling his banana and yet, he always squished them. I said I’d do it as
I imagined this squished up banana that he then wouldn’t eat. Well, I
think World War 111 erupted at that point. I thought it was important that
he understand that he couldn’t do everything he wanted. I’m
not sure now whether he was at that point of thinking anyway, and perhaps
it would have been easier just to give in. It’s a battle of wills and their wills are completely out of control. Someone once told me that at that age, just pick
the most important battle of the day and let the rest go…I thought that was
good advice, especially with a strong-willed child. Otherwise, you will find
that the days and how you feel about them, will constantly move into negative territory and you WILL feel more like you are on this rollercoaster…Try to compartementalize those emotions as much as you can…Always remember that you have power over your emotions and you have power over how you will handle them. At that age they don’t. When you feel those feelings, try to grit your teeth and your emotions at the same time and be cerebral in your reaction to what may set you off. Remember that his emotions that he’s feeling will blow over quickly
and he will recover far sooner than you do if you let yours go. So, while you
are sitting in your car or healing your wounds at home after an encounter, he
is probably merrily sliding down a slide at his day home and having a grand
old time. So I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t allow yourself to go to
his level of emotion because he will recover quickly while you are still trying to pick yourself off of the floor. I say that, and yet I know exactly where you are coming from and I felt just like you do many times. I’m speaking in reflection with many more years behind me as a survivor!! LOL There is nothing wrong with practising
a little detachment. I hope this helps…don’t know if it will.
Keep calm and carry on, my friend…. Carry on.
And… call Lindsay to come over and chase the kid around your house while you go for movie and beer date with yourself. Or a tall, dark, handsome man. Either/or.