Sweeney McArthur’s my favourite foul-mouthed Scotsman. The fact that he immigrated to
Canada and became a very accomplished performer just makes him that much cooler. These days though, he’s losing his cool. On stage right now in Calendar Girls, based on the 2003 movie, his wife’s 3 days past due with their 1st child.
The best thing about interviewing an actor, let alone one who happens to be a friend, is that they can roll with whatever happens. Especially on speakerphone.
I start off all formal and professional. “Because you’re working with all these phenomenal older women, have you been getting any baby advice from them?”
Sweeney responds enthusiastically. “Oh my god! It’s been a mine of great information. And what I love is that the majority of women have had kids and carried on with their careers. So
for someone like my wife, that’s great. It’s lovely too see great women who’ve had great careers and they’ve all managed to do it with kids.”
Thinking I’m so smart I ask “Are there any standouts or true nuggets of advice?”
Sweeney responds thoughtfully. “The general consensus is ‘always ask for drugs’. We’re trying to do the whole natural thing and they’re all ‘it’s the 21st century: do the drugs.'”
I’m poised to ask my next morsel of brilliance when all either of us can hear is “Mom? Mom! MOM!”
“Hold on a second, Sween,” I say. I turn to the stairs and yell “What?”
A lone voice from the upstairs potty cries out “Will you help me wipe my butt?”
Ah. Baby Boy.
“I am not helping you wipe your butt.”
Perfect Pinter Pause.
“My bum bum?”
“Not your ‘bum bum’ either. You can do that by yourself big boy.”
But I’m not off the hook that easy because he yells down “then I’m going to use up ALL the toilet paper.”
“Fine!” I call up. “Sorry Sween. What part of I’m doing a phone interview did he not understand?”
Sweeney laughs and says “I love that you have one of those fancy intercoms in your house.”
“No, that’s just me yelling.”
“Gee,” says Sweeney, “you are Irish, aren’t ya.”
“Trust me, with your projection levels after you have a baby, you will never need a mic pack again.”
I then expertly steer the convo back to Calendar Girls. “The show was in Winnipeg, and extremely well received.”
“Yes,” says Sweeney, back in interview mode. “The audiences there are second to none and…”
“Hold on,” I say cutting him off. “He’s just yelling down that he wiped his butt.” I yell up “Congratulations! Now get in the tub!”
Sweeney’s laughing either hysterically or out of fear now. “That’s awesome.”
I sigh a classic mother’s sigh and ask if he’s ready for this.
“I’m not! I don’t think I am.”
I assure him he is. “It’s just like having another version of you around the house all the time.”
“You know,” he says, “I used to get cars because of how sexy they looked and now it’s about crash test ratings. And Barbara Gordon’s been teaching me how to cook, because I admitted I’d never done it before. So she’s got those little flash cards for things like roast chicken so I can do it after the baby comes. She’s my personal cooking coach, and she’s quite fabulous in the show. I mean, it’s an astounding cast and…”
We’re cut off again.
“Mom? Mom! MOM!!”
I ignore him and let Sweeney go on.
“…theatre’s a bit sexist so it’s great to be in a show with so many women. You know…
“Can I get out?”
“…they do their thing with no ego…”
“Can-I- get-out?”
“…it’s been a real joy. I’ve also got an understudy here which really takes the pressure off, as long as Erin gives birth between…”
I can’t hold off any longer. “Did you wash your face?”
“Um…yes.”
“Really?”
“I don’t know!”
Sweeney now cuts us off. “I am totally adopting that Celtic Intercom system you’ve got there.”
“Of course you are,” I reply. “It’s genius!”
What he doesn’t realise is that Darling Daughter’s just come in with her skipping rope and I’ve been frantically trying to wave her off.
Sweeney’s got a $400 bottle of Scotch to follow tradition and wet the baby’s lips when she’s born. I start wondering if he’ll share it. With me. Right now.
He rings off to get ready for the evening’s performance as I go off to make sure Baby Boy’s washed behind his ears and Darling Daughter’s figured out how to cross jump.
Calendar Girls is on stage till May 28th and makes a great Mother’s Day gift, if anyone can get a word in with my children and tell them.
This is fantastic. Love it.
OMG, Racheal! This happens to me all the time! On client calls especially – nice. My kids want nothing to do with me until I am on the phone being all professional-like. Glad I am not the only one 🙂