In Toronto today, a funeral was held for Sgt. Ryan Russell, a police officer who was killed last Wednesday in the line of duty.
Since the news of his murder broke, there has been a constant stream of stories, all of which have tugged like hell at my emotions. On more than one occasion, news reports had me welling up as reporters told of his widowed wife, his young child (roughly the same age as Pea) and the fragile life of a policing family.
It’s easy to understand why this story has so many of us emotionally affected. A man who put his life on the line on a daily basis to protect the public was felled, and a family was forever numbed by the pain of losing a son, husband and father.
The cover of the Toronto Sun the day after the murder featured a black and white photo of Sgt. Russell, his wife and young baby from Facebook… the thought of which still makes me teary.
It was an all too familiar image. And, both consciously and sub-sonsciously, it brought about thoughts of my biggest fear: leaving my family behind.
It’s true, I am so much more careful not only with my family, but with myself now, because even though I have full faith in the mister, I hate to think of them going on with that hole in the family, with no helper for him, no mom for my kids. Gah. *sniff*
I had CBC the afternoon and I could not shake the darkness. Heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing this. It needed to be covered and I am glad you did it.
Shawn – so well said – thank you for posting this. I lost my breath last night at the visual of his son in his little suit walking with his mom. I also have a massive fear of leaving Will. In my decision to have him, I thought about what would happen if I go, being without a partner. I never realized how much these thoughts would take over once he was actually here. Like Tracey said, I’m trying to push them aside and enjoy…
i never could fathom the pain of leaving or losing a child until i had my own. before kids, when a child went missing or a parent died leaving behind kids i did feel sad. but i couldn’t believe the emotions i felt after having them, knowing how i would feel if something were to happen.
I’m really glad you posted this today Shawn. It’s been weighing heavily on mind since last Wednesday. It was Eva’s birthday the day he died and I hate for anything bad to happen on my kids special days.
A year and a half ago my greatest fear became my best friends reality when she left her children behind after losing her short battle with ALM. Erin has lived through witnessing the same thing with her sister.
Crushing. Just crushing.
That photo really brings it home. It’s so sad.
I think we are all afraid of dying and leaving our families behind. That is normal. And when we see or hear a story of someone who dies too young, with a young family, it reminds us of our own mortality.
When my sister died, that was her fear, leaving her kids behind. As a parent, it’s hard to imagine their life without you, or yours without them. It’s all just hard.
As hard as it is to do, we do have to recognize that control is an illusion, as Tracey says. Enjoy every moment. (I try, but it’s hard, you think I would have learned this by now).
It’s been a brutal day, Shawn… lovely words. And it’s my biggest fear too – leaving my family too soon – och. I’m sad too. 🙁
Control is an illusion. Better to enjoy oneself as best as one can… always. xox