Before I got pregnant with Isabella, i would get that itch from time to time.
you know which one. it didn’t take much to set me off. the smell of a baby. the stretch of a newborn. the tiny fingers and toes. the yawns. the first smiles. and first laughs. i would get that baby itch. something fierce. I would feel the baby-ness of Joshie slipping away and wanted to have another one.
i haven’t had the itch since Isabella was born. really. is that my sign? my signal that my baby-making days are over? this brings us to that age-old question: how do you know when you’re done?
i have some friends who go in with a plan. "I am having 2 kids" and that’s that. they know they are having two, have their two, and that’s that. My friend Sharon is a big believer in the "amusement park theory", which is, quite simply, children of even numbers always have a partner. i see her point. my friend Ilana is convinced that in all the families she knows with three children, there’s always one that’s ‘off’. i definitely think she’s wrong on that one.
we had no plans going in. i think i always wanted a big family. i liked the idea of lots of siblings – built-in friends. and big family get-togethers. lots of cousins. i guess it’s because i didn’t have that. my older sister and brother are a lot older and my baby brother is 7 years younger…so i didn’t really have anyone.
but it’s easy to say beforehand….i’m having 12! sure! it will be simple! you don’t have to take the reality of it into account. the sleepless nights. the pregnancies. the labors. the deliveries. the ups and downs of the weight gain and loss. the cost of having children (especially my children who go to Jewish Day School).
i knew i wanted at least three. and now i have three. and i’m done. We have such a nice little family. It’s not big, but we have three healthy, beautiful children. We have a boy and a girl, well, two actually. my girls each have a sister (which i always wanted for Emily, since my sister is such an integral part of my life).
and i have this issue with tempting fate. i know so many people who had problems with infertility. miscarriages. problems during pregnancy. preemies. abnormalities. Every day i thank my lucky stars that i had three easy pregnancies. three easy deliveries. three easy recoveries. and in the larger scheme of things, three easy kids. they are all healthy. how can i tempt fate and try to do it again?? shouldn’t i just feel blessed to have the three that i have? be thankful for the family that the husband and i have made.
also, i’m excited to get to that stage in my life. the stage where all the kids are out of diapers. where they are all sleeping through the night every night. where they can all go down to the basement to play with each other. where i can eat a meal in peace, without having to cut up someone’s meat.
i’m certainly not ready to close the baby book entirely. the husband is NOT getting the big "v-word" and i certainly am not electing for surgery. at least not for a surgery that’s not giving me bigger boobs and a flatter stomach.
but for now, i feel complete. with these three bunnies:
what about you? do you know how many kids you want to have? have you had all your kids? how did you know you were done?
Public Service Announcements:
song of the day: Won’t Back Down by Mat Kearney.
please head on over to Cheaper than Therapy this morning for a really cute video of Isabella rockin’ out with the band.
I’m thinking of joining this group: 365 days. is anyone out there doing it? anyone willing to take on this challenge with me? anyone? anyone? i think i’m going to start tonight!
also…Britney Spears…surgery or no surgery (what’s your call?)…looks fantastic…one month post-partum:
That “tempting fate” thing cuts both ways – I DO feel terrified by the idea of a third labour & delivery, but I also feel as if it would be tempting fate to get the man-surgery done – like I’m just asking the universe to smite one of my children (because I wouldn’t want to have an only child – my kids won’t have any cousins, on either side of the family, but at least they’ve got each other).
I’m one of those people who will be done at two
pregnancy kicks my ass but I decided its hard being an only child. no one to gang up on your mother with, no one to help when your parents are older.
Brittney does look good but I saw another shot from the front – maybe on lainey gossip?- where it looks like her boobs are headed for the sidewalk
why can’t this girl get good help?
In my experience the itch can appear after varying spans of time. I had the itch almost right after Ben was born – probably about 5 months. Tim is now almost 4, and now I get it again, sometimes.
Wow this topic hits home.
OK so think of this, me 22 just met Raoul was on birth control for my endometriosis and told I could never get pregnant (fine with me I didn’t like children and had a bad childhood), I got pregnant Easter weekend our first time in the sack together. I booked for an abortion and changed my mind when my mom came up to offer support, nine months Later Liam was born on his due date Christmas day! He was an easy baby “prince charming” with extra large chocolate brown almond shaped eyes that would just melt any heart.
Still BFing I got pregnant again, Ethan is born 16 months after Liam. Not such an easy child, colicky, and I was tense and tired. Raoul was working fulltime downtown as well as djing 5nights a week to make ends meet. Raoul and I got married that fall.
We have had a hard go of things as a couple, we never really dated, still don’t realy know each other, but somehow we make it work. We haven’t killed each other yet.
Gavin was born when Liam was 5.5 y.o., what a delight! He is warm and sensitive and smiled in the delivery room (yes it was a smile and not gas, it was in his eyes too). I imediately wanted a fourth.
We always said three or four kids. Raoul is from a family of 4 boys, as for me its just me and my brother, we never got a long and I guess I wanted another sibling to have a friend.
You know what gets me is when people say so you tried for a girl… no thank you I tried for a child and I got one. I love boys, sure I will miss the girly things like painting nails and tea and cookies with dolls, or just send me into BabyGAP when they have silk capris and faux fur… don’t even talk about Catmini, Jacadi or the likes…
My GP has three boys and he is the same age as my DH, he said we have a 10% chance of having a girl, taking age and stats into account.
Thats fine I still say I would like a fourth, often tagging in but not with my DH 😀 The way I see things if he is done, go and fix the “problem”, why should I, at 32, change my life permanently or consume drugs daily?
So the debate is still on, money and his age are the main reasons why not to have any more, but my list of why not have more is stronger (in my eyes).
As for today I am a proud mom of three boys, there is a certain air that I carry, it’s like an exclusive club. Moms with only one boy or girls only look at me with dispair but moms with more than one boy smile at me, she knows.
Very good post, Ali. Thought provoking for any mom or mom-to-be. I have 2 kids, boy 3.5 yrs. and girl 16 mo. We do want another one, but in 2 – 3 yrs. Just went back to work and starting a new career and getting finances back in order, plus, to say selfishly, I lost all the weight and then some, and I’m so NOT Ready to gain it all back again!
My son was a miracle – and I had the itch… So, I scrached – now the scratch is us waiting for our referral from Korea…
well after 4 i am done.how did/do i know?this last pregnancy was frought with problems.gestational diabetes,biophysical profiles every 2 weeks(to monitor size of baby)non-stress tests weekly,visits every week to obstetrician,visits to diabetes clinic every week.contractions starting in the 5th month(real ones not braxton-hicks)just walking to the corner.i was supposed to walk after eating to keep blood sugar levels in check.and then stinkerbell decided to come 7 1/2 weeks premature.so any how after not exactly enjoying being pregnant & the problems baby had when small…i’m done.
bite your tongue Haley!
no more babies.
(but, just in case, let me know when you’re ready to have another….ha!)
Britney has TOTALLY had work done. That, or she’s RubberGirl.
And I totally hear you on the preggo-ambivalence. Which is why we all need to keep our legs crossed and cookie sheets wedged between our laps and laptops (http://urbanmoms.typepad.com/the_mother_hood/2006/10/post.html) until we know that we’re ready.
I heard Brit had a tummy tuck. I heard this a couple weeks ago. So, it’s no surprise to me that she’s coming out now, looking like that. She really wants a comeback. Hence the tummy tuck….and, she apparently didn’t want to give up her cheetos…. 😉
Josh-O says 2 kids is perfect because everything is made for a family of 4….Like, rides, cars (no one wants to sit in the middle), etc.. I don’t know what I think of that! I grew up in a family of 5 — 3 kids. It was a decent sized family! I only want two though. But, I’m betting you and I will be pregnant together again. 😉
We had two children (1.5 yrs apart), and then #3 came 3 years after the 2nd. My hubby and I both came from families of 3 and were definately not staying at 3. We now have four – so instead of having ‘a’
child with the middle child sydrome, we have two. I cannot have any more babies (3 c-sections) but in future would consider fostering once my kids are older. Hopefully one day gran-babies.
Britney had to have surgery….two babies only 12 months apart and look like that, naturally, no way!
As for the itch…considering I had such a HORRIBLE pregnancy with my first and she has been quite the diva….if I have another that will be all. Honestly I go back and forth on it. I don’t want her to be an only child without siblings but I am not totally convinced that I want to go through that ever again. Yet, it’s only been 5 months so give me another year and then I’ll consider.
I just know that if I have to go through another pregnancy like that – I will definately need help raising my girl in the process! My husband jokes that we will adopt a dog in a few years and call it good. I doubt we will be a one baby family but for now, we’re good.
We aren’t planning on having kids for a few more years, and we don’t have a set plan of how many we want. I want 2, he wants 3, but we’re both really flexible. I like to tell Tim that if we have 2 boys first, then we’ll definitely have a 3rd so I can hopefully have a girl. Of course, it’s all fine and good to say that now; I know everything will change once we have that 1st baby.
As of now, I’m not even sure the plan to be married for 5 years before having kids is going to last. We’ve definitely both been getting “the itch” and probably would have talked seriously about having kids sooner if we were in a better financial situation right now.
I’m all for planning things, but you just never know when plans are going to change!
Interesting – I have been thinking about the “itch” as you call it, recently, except we call it “cluckiness” as in “getting clucky” (I suppose like poultry LOL). A series of different pressures on me though, as I am 42, and if I wanted another baby, the bio clock would be ticking fast and furiously. I didn’t even think about “trying” until I was 36 1/2, how lucky was I to get up the duff on the first try? I then got “clucky” when Jeremy was 8 months old as he was so adorable and such a fab baby, I thought, why not? Again, no problem getting pregnant but he was a pretty awful baby and has had extremely serious chronic health issues since birth, hence I totally did NOT get clucky again, figuring I had my hands full.
We had entertained the idea of a 3rd, mainly in the abstract really, as we already had 2 kids under 2 who were only 16 months apart. Had resigned myself to the pole position of “boy maker” when BAM, got pregnant at 40, totally by accident (as I had miscalculated), took a Morning After Pill and guess what? Miranda will turn 2 in January LOL – completely, totally unplanned, it freaked me OUT, particularly in light the increased risks post-40. Another reason for my hesitation, I was worried I would get another child with health issues, but thankfully, she is the healthiest of the lot.
In a perfect world, I would love to have 4 kids (and God knows, I am so bloody fertile I wouldn’t have to try very hard, lucky me) and another girl in particular, but of course there no guarantees..But practically speaking, there is no more room in MY car (Volvo) for a 4th, although we also a minivan LOL; our house is too small (only 3 bedrooms plus a playroom, the boys already share), daycare fees are KILLING me, it is nice to know that this will be a diaper-free house in 18 months or so (at least during the day), no moresleepless nights,etc…BUT…
I totally did the pregnancy thing really well, no problems, no high B/P or diabetes, vag deliveries, super fast recovery, loved every minute of the newborn stage, etc.
Ali, geez, now you got me thinking girl!!!
Because I am so not totally sure, I have had a Mirena IUD inserted – we originally arranged for hubby to a vasectomy (to the point where he was actually BOOKED in for the surgery) but we backed out and have decided in 5 years, we will revisit the idea (as he is 8 years younger than me).
Plus I have sold all my baby stuff and am prepping Miranda to go into a big girl bed!
Wow! Brittany looks amazing…would’ve never recognized her.
As for “the itch”, I had it after my first. I knew I wanted another baby. But since I had my second I have never, ever felt it again. I am actually surprised at how not into it I am. I really do not want another child. I am done and I know it. It is strange how you can be so sure. I am really enjoying my kids. We can all go out together and do stuff – ski and skate, swim and hike. I laugh at their jokes and am stumped by their questions. I can not imagine adding a baby into the mix. I like holding other people’s babies…but then I get to give them back. I guess two is definitely enough for me!