If I had to make a list of emotions that make up motherhood, GUILT would be in the top three.
Before The Boy, I worked full time and was busy 24/7. I felt marginally guilty at times. As a teacher, I had to make important decisions about the way I would teach, the expectations I would have of my students, etc… I helped shape how they felt about learning and school and themselves. I made some mistakes and agonized over them, feeling guilty about not being encouraging enough or assigning too much homework for some students. But that guilt was NOTHING, compared to what I feel now.
The GUILT that comes along with motherhood can be completely overwhelming. I find myself constantly worrying about the choices that I make for The Boy and how they will affect him in the future.
I’m not stimulating his growing brain enough. He’s not eating enough finger food. I’m pushing his development too fast and expecting too much. He’s too attached to me because I’m always around…
I feel guilty for not being around enough, being around too much, letting him crawl up the stairs and slip (even though I was behind him), when he bonks his head, not cloth diapering, letting him have bites of my food even though it might have egg in it, not singing enough…
The list could go on. I can now feel guilty about the most ridiculous thing- for instance, I am not feeding The Boy all homemade organic food and I worry that I will sometime cause him to not reach his full potential because of this. I know that’s not logical. He will absolutely reach his full potential and live an amazing life, but I feel so guilty that I don’t spend all my free time making him homemade organic food (which, truth be told, he doesn’t really like that much).
My mother warned me about this mommy-guilt phenomenon but I never realized it would be so all-consuming and overwhelming. I find myself unable to sleep at times (which is awful because I should take every option available to me to sleep!), feeling guilty about a choice I have made for my son. I second-guess, I agonize, I reconsider, I change my mind a million times.
Let me tell you, I have no answers on how to deal with this guilt. I try to remind myself that I do my best with The Boy, that I love him and try my best to make the right choices. He’s
happy and developing well. But this guilt!!!!
I have a sneaking suspicion that the guilt doesn’t subside or get easier to manage as The Boy gets older, and I also suspect that I’m not the first new mom who feels this overwhelming guilt. I guess I just have to figure out a way to deal with it and cut myself some slack…
i think the constant guilt dissipates a bit when the kids get older but then you get the ‘smack you in the face’ guilt that comes up when you least expect it. maybe i’m just getting a little desensitized to it a bit but i know i will make mistakes and i know i’ll admit my mistakes and learn from them.
you will not screw up your kids by not feeding them organic food. you will nourish them with the food you do make and the love you give. if you don’t make mistakes and learn from them then your kids won’t either. you’re a great mom no matter what.
Being a mother is the most important job you will ever have in your life.
If you are a loving, caring, conscientious mother (& by the way…you are!), guilt seems to go along with the “job”.
If you know that you are doing your best, leave the rest to God…..
Let go & let God.
I highly recommend Gary Thomas’ book, Sacred Parenting. There’s a chapter on guilt.
We try to be perfect parents and in fact, try to love our kids as God loves our kids. Thomas realized he was competing with God, he writes, “I realized God had called me to focus my efforts on introducing my kids to God, even using my own failures and inadequacies as compelling causes for my children to find their refuge in him.”
check out heb 10:22, no guilt, just hope!
I hear you! I suffer from the very worst mommy guilt of all – I feel guilty every time I am not with my children!