I have always wanted to be the Koolaid mom. The mom with the palmolive manicure and dipsy-do set hair in a gingham dress and white apron who carries a beautiful talking glass pitcher of cherry koolaid into her green, green backyard with enough of the red crystal liquid for all the children in the neighbourhood. The mom who probably never runs out of popsicles, has all the craft supplies necessary for rainy days and a slight hearing problem to offset the pounding noise of children doing what they do best. I practiced like crazy in my late teens and early twenties, taking my young cousins to plays, the circus, and generally wreaking havoc at their birthday parties with camp songs and nursery rhyme dances.
I think if I shared this ambition with Mr. Husband he would be shocked. My day to day parenting practices do not seem to emulate my hope’s desire. I believe I would sorely love to be the house that everyone hangs out at but I become quite impatient with the mess they leave. I want all the kids to feel comfortable at our home, but I never buy pop and I rarely buy junk food. I regularly tell Cupcake that she can have her friends over, but I don’t think we are cool enough for her.
A woman I know once told me that the best way to make sure that your kids liked you and that your house was command central was to be the nice mom. Her definition of this falls on the permissive side. She has been buying booze and beer for her kids and all their friends since they were in grade nine. Her house is the one all the other kids come to because they are allowed to smoke anything, sleep with whomever and stay for as long as they like whenever they want to. She is friends with her kids and their friends and seems to be more in the know of the gossip and love triangles than her kids themselves. She is an adolescent Koolaid mom and although her kids are great and seem to thrive in their upbringing, it will never be my style.
I came close to my own ideal today. We are up at Mr. Husband’s family cottage. His parents live in a farmhouse here at the top of the hill and there are 5 cottages that lead up to it. At one point today there were two grandparents, three great aunts and uncles, 6 siblings + spouses, 5 first cousins, 15 grandchildren, 2 second cousins and one friend on the property. Of these tangle of family, 7 boys from 12 to 3 were sitting in my cottage watching a movie. I was out at the cocktail circle with the adults secretly pattilng myself on the back for becoming the mom I always knew I could be. Then I made a tactical error, I went inside.
I think they must have used two glasses each to finish every drop of refreshment that I had in the house, that was not sticking under the bottom of my feet. All my pretty polka dot accent cushions were on the floor. The duvets had been removed from the beds and had long been discarded as movie wraps. One boy was doing somersaults on the couch while two others were shouting over the volume of the movie in order to hear each other. I had barely stepped inside when I found myself admonishing the boys while silently kicking myself in the head, a true koolaid mom would take this in stride.
Mr. Husband and I decided to sit on the back deck in order to keep an eye on the crowd that seemed to be losing interest at a rapid rate and they all got the boot, save one before the credits rolled.
Another opportunity lost.
While cooking dinner I decided that I would make it up by taking everyone to Dairy Queen for dessert. Who says I can’t be a Dairy Queen mom instead? The 19 year old on the property with her father’s car, that’s who. She invited all the young girls into town before I could even open my mouth. Scooped by youth…does the circle ever end?
I agree…kool aid mom is just a slick marketing ploy :). I had a similar moment like yours a few weeks ago – little boy (not so little at 7 anymore) is hanging out with a posse of boys on the street now – and I let about 4 of them come over; then another 2 showed up, at which point I limited them to the deck out back as we’re having reno’s done inside. My boy thought it was so cool…hubby not so much as when they were gone we found mud and dirt, bits of lawn and dismembered Power Ranger figures strewn across the deck.
It’s tough to be a friend and a parent, because your most important job is to be Mom first. You are the best mom you can be, the kids love you, you’re raising them well and that’s all that matters.
Oh I can so relate!
Who knew it was all just advertising?
I too want to be that mom, in a sense, but you know what I don’t like other peoples kids enough.
I am in a way though, out of 15 kids in a six house radius I am the only house with a swing set, and more than one ride-on motorcycle for the preschoolers, as well as skateboards and basketball nets… you know what happens though? All of the nieghbours kids descend on our house without parents or snacks and my door is that revolving door where food and drinks disappear before they are made, this is not a good thing and makes mommy koolaid annoyed most days.
I am not a crafty mom, this is good since I have boys. But there are bugs to be found, in my freshly weeded and flowering garden, there are things hammered into my trees so they can climb them easier…the indoor toys end up outdoors and the frisbees and other toys end up on the roof never to be seen again.
I just figure if we eat a homecooked meal and the boys are tired at bed time and there aren’t any major injuries, I have done my bit, I just wish someone else would open their gate for a change and make the jug of koolaid. Maybe I should become a Betty Crocker mom?
Ahhh, Elizabeth, the vision of the koolaid mom all done up pretty and so happy to cater to her kids…I think what’s so appealing about that is that she seems to have NOTHING ELSE to worry about but which flavour of chemical refreshment to prepare for the well-behaved group of youngsters in her yard. We all know that in reality we have SO MUCH ELSE going on that we simply can’t be that woman. And as for being “the nice mom”, I have a gang of kids close-by whose mom is, according to my own kids (by extension, I am therefore ‘the mean mom’). But if the nice mom’s children’s behaviour is any indication…she might be doing a good job of being a friend, but she ain’t doing such a hot job being a mother.
We have a Koolaid Mom two door down from us, and I would never want to be that kind of Mom. I don’t even want my kids to talk to her kids over the fence in case they inhale the fumes from the weed they’re smoking in the back shed.
Years from now, your kids will reminisce fondly about koolaid moments that you probably don’t realize are just that.
I’m definitely on your side in this!
I don’t think the KoolAid mom exists! She was created simply as another way to make us regular moms look second rate. No matter what you do you give up something. Your pal who let’s her kids do whatever they want won’t be the person they turn to when they have a difficult moral or ethical question they need to chat about. Of course, there is a balance but if anyone has been able to feel 100% effective 100% of the time please share the secret!
Give yourself a bit of a break, Elizabeth. Anyway, the KoolAid mom was probably on Valium 😉 How else could she cope with the constant noise and mess!