There’s a debate going on in my house- a debate over The Boy’s favourite thing in the world:
Whatever you want to call it- he’s hooked, in love, over the moon attached to it.
Go back with me, before I had a baby, when I knew absolutely everything there was to know about raising a child (ha). I swore up and down, back and forth that I would never give my child a paci. He would learn to sooth himself so he was not attached. I wasn’t going to set myself up for that torture.
Fast forward to my six week old who never stopped screaming between feedings. In desperation, I tried the paci. Voila. He became content and even, dare I say, happy. So I resigned myself to the paci- some kids need it (I really do believe it!) and my kid needed it.
But now my 16 month old is beyond attached to his paci. He wants it more then anything- he cries for it, tries to climb the counters to get to it, begs for “paci” over and over again. We have managed it to regulate his paci use by offering it only at naps/bedtime and the odd car ride, when he’s really needing it.
However, both my husband and I feel that it may be time to phase the paci out. The Boy has a blankie that he adores, and it could easily be his comfort object. But how do we get rid of it?? That is the great debate?
One of us thinks Cold Turkey is the way to go- clean and simple- throw the paci’s out and deal with the days of meltdowns.
The other thinks we should take the paci away Slowly but Surely. Have a nap here with out it, a night sleep there…just phase it out.
A third (nameless) party thinks we should let him keep it and not attempt to take it away until he’s ready.
I doubt that any of us is right, but the debate rages on. One thing is for sure, we do want to get rid of the paci sooner rather then later…but how?
Like you , I didn’t want my kids using that for comfort and they didn’t. I know some kids need it and are really attached, but it was one parenting decision I made and managed to stick to my guns. No one got a paci and we really feel our kids were such early talkers because they didn’t have to talk “around” that rubber stopper. (Anything to make ourselves feel good right?) — but they did cling to the boobie for a loooong time. So I paid the price and so did my boobies.
At least you can throw it away and be done with it when you think he is ready. My problem is that one of my kids fell in LOOOOVE with his thumb! He just turned 6 and sucks it at any opportunity. I should have given him a paci. His baby teeth are pushed out and I am sure he will have braces before third grade. I can’t throw the thumb out– so how do I stop that? I was a thumb sucker and my mom put a gross tasting goop on my thumb but it didn’t really work.
My kids were very attached to their pacifiers too. I didn’t even think about taking them away until after their 2nd birthday. But what I did was slowly take away their access. So in the beginning, they could have it whenever they wanted, then only during naps and bedtime, then only bedtime. When it was time to get rid of it, I explained to them that it was time for them to go away, and that we would have 7 more days to enjoy it. Every day before bedtime, I would tell them how many days were left, and on the last day, they handed them over without even a tear. It worked for both, and they never regressed, and believe me when I tell you that they were very dependent on them in the beginning.
Good Luck!
I’ve worked with dozens of under-five year-olds, and they all seem to have different needs when it comes to soothing. I know three year olds who still use pacifiers, some who still use bottles, and they are all okay. That said, my husband and I weren’t comfortable with our daughter using a pacifier past age one. After her first birthday, her pacifier had to stay in her bed. We had planned to let her use it until she was about 18 months, but then the one she loved wore out and had been discontinued in the meantime. We bought every pacifier available in our city, and she refused them all. So, one very bad night later, she was done with her sucky. When she needed to comfort herself, she would sing or talk quietly to her bear instead. I guess my point is that if you want your son to be finished with his paci, take it away, make no plans for the next couple of days because he will be a very tired little man, and trust that he will find other ways to soothe himself. Kids are tough that way.
I think if he wants to take it with him to kindergarten, you *could* intervene…
I completely agree with Anne Green and it is the one piece of advice I give new parents more than anything else…your child will not attend university in diapers…everything will happen in it’s own time.
That being said, I don’t think there is anything wrong with limiting the pacifier use to sleep/nap time only.
Good luck!
There were points when I WISHED my daughter would take something to soothe herself to sleep. I guess we are ‘lucky’ she never took to it…
Both my girls adored their pacifiers. And I mean adored. My 8 year-old still remembers her ‘baba’ as we called it. But on their third birthdays both girls were allowed to pick a toy that they dreamed of owning, on the condition that they paid for it using their pacifier. So off we went to the store, pacifier in hand. The girls handed over their pacifier to the cashier to complete the transaction. Everything was great until night rolled around and the girls begged and pleaded to return the toy (Barbie dream castle) and get their pacifiers back. But it only took a few rough nights for them to work out that they could sleep without their beloved pacifiers. They both still sleep with their blankets. I see no need to ever take them away.
GO COLD TURKEY !
I feel that whatever decision you make will be the right decision for you and your family.
I had mixed feelings about this as well and didn’t know how I wanted to deal with it. Around 12 months old I started thinking about it and when we should “take it away” or what have you. I decided I wasn’t going to push the issue. He never had it at bed times or naps but he had it during the day and in the car for sure. But I seized the oppurtunity to get rid of Cam’s one day when we didn’t want it all day long. I thought…”hmm, maybe this is my chance” since he didn’t even ask for it or whatever. Well, once I made that huge decision not to give it too him the next day and see how it goes I thought..”well, if I’m going to do then I’m going to do it and there is no turning back now” so I wouldn’t confuse him and sure enough it all worked out.
If that hadn’t have happened maybe I would have forced the issue one day later on down the line and dealt with massive crankiness for a few days just to go cold turkey…
Best of luck with whatever you decide…
I use to worry about this kind of stuff… like when will he roll over etc. Then one day my dad says to me, “Quit worrying so much, by the time he goes to university he’s be rolling over!” So that became my mantra for these little worries!
And yes… Dad was right. He is in the process of filling out his University applications now and he does roll over on his own and he has stopped sucking his middle two fingers!
Still working on hanging up his bath towel… not sure that counts as a childhood milestone though.
My “big boy” is 3y5m and he still uses a soother sometimes at night. More again now that he’s got added stresses of Daddy working more and his big sister in school full time – and Mommy working more at home, too. He finds it comforting. Our dentist is not concerned. I’m not concerned. We did make a rule it’s an “only in bed” thing.
I honestly don’t know when I will get concerned… if at all. My daughter is 6 and still sucks her middle two fingers briefly while she falls asleep. I think I’m not that worried because I sucked my thumb until I was about 16 at night (briefly, while I fell asleep.) I would actually not start out sucking it, but wake with it in my mouth. I outgrew it – albeit WAY late, but I’m not sucking my thumb anymore 🙂
I’m a CDA and the dentist I work for says the soother or fingers or thumb needs to be ended for sure by age four to not affect tooth positioning. So you have plenty of time 🙂
My “big boy” just turned 16 months and he still uses his every sleep (naps and night time) and sometimes in the car. I always have one in my purse when we are out, just in case he gets upset. I don’t think it’s a big deal for him to still be attached to it when he’s tired or upset. I don’t plan to take it away until he is capable of participating in the process.
I say let him keep it and not worry about it until he’s 2 or 3.
Personally I’d take the lead from the boy. He will let you know when he’s ready and it will be much easier! Have you seen this?
http://www.parenting.com/gallery/Toddler/Giving-Up-the-Pacifier
Maybe when he’s a little older (not much because they grow up so fast) and can understand a little more you could try tying it to a balloon or planting it. Some really cute ideas 🙂
Here, here Christine and Ruth (grandma, per chance?)! Why should you get to decide when it is time? He knows he needs it now and it offers you a way to help him help himself. He is still only a baby! He will get rid of it when he’s ready or you will help him when he is older and you can rationalize it to him (or at least effectively bribe him ;). The world is a big, scary, new place for him. Why deny him this comfort? Why do you feel you need to get rid of it?
It sounds to me that you have it now so he only uses it at sleep or occasional relaxation. Perfect. I wished SO MANY NIGHTS that I had a paci or something other than me that would help my son soothe himself. He is 11 now and still sometimes needs me in the night. Your baby will truly be that “Big Boy” soon enough. No need to rush him.
The “paci” pacifies “The Boy” for now, so what is the harm in letting him keep it a while longer?
If he goes to kindergarten with a “paci” in his mouth, then you could worry:)
I was in no rush.
Cam stopped using his on his own at about 9 months. Just wasn’t interested.
Cuyler was 4.5 – we didn’t push him at all because the speech path said he didn;t use it enough to interfere with speech and when he did use it it was meeting an oral motor need. He stopped using it on his own as well.
Eva just got rid of her in June. She was 3.5. I blogged about it.
http://www.urbanmoms.ca/sometimes_holland_feels_like_hell/2010/06/byebye-baby.html
It was easy so much easier than I had anticipated because she was old enough to participate and make decisions. She understood what she was doing and where they were going.
Good luck with your decision. You’ll make the right one!