Thank you, thank you, thank you for the amazing baby name suggestions last week! You all know me so well and I loved many of the names you left. We are still deliberating but it feels so great to have such a wonderfully tailored list to refer to. You guys are the best!
This weekend I found myself browsing through some old archives on my personal blog, specifically the ones I wrote shortly after my second daughter was born. I couldn’t help but notice the tinge of sadness with which they were written; although I maintained a dry sense of humour about the challenges, it’s clear I was overwhelmed by the sleepless nights, the trials of (unsuccessful) breastfeeding, the demands of a shockingly strong-willed toddler, the pressure I put on myself to lose the baby weight in, like, two hours, and the guilt I felt about generally sucking at the whole wife-homemaker-mother gig. I don’t think I was suffering from postpartum depression, but it feels as though the first six months had a heavy fog surrounding them and it took me a while to shake the clouds away.
Reliving those tough days makes me a little scared about how I am going to cope once this new baby comes. I was lucky enough to not experience any symptoms of postpartum depression with my first two daughters, but I am fully aware that there’s a good chance I might struggle more this time around. My mom had severe PPD after my younger brother was born, so it’s in the genes, and we’ve just undergone so many life changes recently (moving, home renovations, more moving) recently that I recognize I might be more vulnerable than I was the last two times.
We have a great support system in place, however. My mom will come and stay for two weeks right after the new baby is born, as she always has, and I know her help during that time will once again be invaluable. We also have a great network of thoughtful friends and family who we can count on to bring us meals or take the older girls out for a few hours if I’m really starting to lose it. And I know myself, and if I start to feel myself losing grip on life and sinking into anything deeper than the usual hormonal breakdowns after the baby is born I will high-tail it to my doctor’s office and discuss some options about how to better cope.
I am so thankful we live in a time when women can speak freely about their struggles, that PPD is viewed as real and treatable, that we can be honest about the dark days as well as the moments that fill our hearts with joy.
Did you suffer from postpartum depression? If so, did you seek treatment or just try to battle it out on your own? Do you have any words of wisdom for new moms who might be struggling with PPD?
This issue is near and dear to my heart also:> . I suffered from PPD with my first, but didn’t know about it until my second. After my second delivery, it was confirmed. I required medication to treat it. I also had it after my third child as well but was on medication before his birth…so it was more managable.
I also found going from one child to two MUCH harder than going from two to three. Not sure why that is…I think you just expect kaos, and then aren’t surprised when you get it. lol!
After the birth of my triplets, I immediately had a total sense of loss. I delivered three very healthy boys, yet I was in a total fog literally as the Doctors were taking the boys from my body. Being a labor & delivery nurse, I had heard people talk about feeling different after the delivery. I had really chalked that up to the immense amount of stress your body had just gone through.
For me, I didn’t have PPD, I actually was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis. I had completely irrational thoughts and dreams. Nothing really made sense at that time. Looking back, my life was a blur of breastfeeding and grasping at straws of sleep.
I am lucky enough to have an incredibly astute husband, and at the time an OB who was a dear friend. They saw the signs and symptoms much clearer than I did…
With medication, and strict schedules at the house, I started feeling much better…
I became pregnant with our twins a mere 6 months after the boys birth, and 13 months later delivered two very healthy, beautiful girls.
I was so very lucky to again be monitored closely, however this time had NONE of the PPP symptoms. I was able to stay off of medication this time around.
I attributed the difference to be that I did not go into active labor with my triplets. They were merely “taken” from me. My body had no idea of what was going on, or how to react. With the girls, I was so lucky and my water broke. Spontaneous labor, I believe, was the saving grace of my sanity that time around…
Sorry for that dissertation 🙂 I have a lot to say on this particular topic, it’s pretty near and dear to my heart…
Wow did I have post partum depression! After Lorelei was born, I spent the next ten months struggling with anger, sleeplessness and anxiety. I did not recognize that in fact I did have post partum depression until I also developed OCD along with it. I had such anxiety about SIDS and was so afraid Lorelei would stop breathing in the night that I began checking her, sometimes up to fifteen or twenty times a night. My sleep deprivation made my depression worse and my life felt completely out of control. Thanks to a cycle of Effexor, and some counselling to relieve my anxiety, I got my PPD under control and was WELL AWARE that the next time I had a baby that my odds of developing PPD were 85%. I chose to forgo breastfeeding in favour of being sane the second time around and went back on antidepressants right after the twins were born. Best thing I could have done.
Although I have no children yet part of me is terrified because I know I am extremely high risk for PPD. Having struggled with depression for most of my life I can’t imagine having to deal with it while having to care for a young life. I’ve been reading books to try and prepare myself, but I guess you never know until it happens.
Oh Kristin – my hats off to you for even being able to type on a computer with all that you’re dealing with. I lost my mom ten years before I had my son and I still can add that to the list of things that brought on my PPD. Mine started at 6 weeks and lasted a few months after. I totally agree with Jen – mom’s must put any pride aside and head right to the doctor. I ended up in emerg the week after my 6 month check up – I couldn’t wait any longer for a psych consult. My other advice is – there is nothing wrong with drugs to help you through. I was still able to breastfeed and the relief they brought me was monumental.
My boyfriend’s good friend who also works with him is moving away to be closer to his and his wife’s family because of her postpartum depression. I spoke with my boyfriend about it, and his friend is sad to leave the city he has lived in for a few years and the job he has here but wants to do whatever he can to make it easier on his wife. At the same time, I know they both (the guys) don’t understand what it’s all about. I know he is being extremely supportive, but I wish that men could be a little more educated about it. (Come to think of it, women as well, since I know first-hand from a friend who couldn’t take the pressure and didn’t seek help before it was too late). I think people sometimes believe it’s just part of “being an emotional woman” after childbirth but its so much more than that. I am no expert on PPD, but I hope that any woman who experiences what they think might be PPD will be able to seek help.
I struggled with PPD for 8 or 9 months after my daughter was born. It was extraordinarily difficult for both my husband and I, even with a great support network and a weekly support group. In fact, I’m reconsidering when, or even if, another baby should arrive. But,after coming out on the other side and being able to enjoy me and her and us I feel really proud and strong so I guess there really is a silver lining to everything.
I had no PPD with my first baby. With my second I had it, but not too badly, and was able to get the help I needed so it was okay.
I just had my third baby (she’s 4 months now), and I haven’t had a single moment of anything remotely related to PPD. Honestly? Going from 1 to 2 kids is really, really hard. Going from 2 to 3? Sort of not hard at all. I mean, I thought it would be a little more bumpy. But it wasn’t. Having three kids isn’t much different than having two. I’m more relaxed because I know I just can’t do it all. And I’m a pretty uptight person. 🙂
I had a hard time in the first several months after my daughter was born. I did fine for about 5 weeks, but then the adrenaline wore off. I was just so tired and so lonely. I had friends but none with kids so I felt like they didn’t understand. I am afraid to have baby #2 because I don’t want to deal with that while I have a toddler running around.
I did talk to my doctor about it, and he was really supportive. I know he would’ve given me more alternatives if I didn’t see relief before too long. I appreciated his help and knowledge.
It sounds like you have a great network!
I can’t imagine the awfulness of all you’re going through right now; such a swirl of pain and loss, yet at a time when you’re looking the gift of new life in the eyes every day. Thanks for sharing and it sounds to me like you’re doing an amazing job of staying self-aware and making sure you’re getting the support you need.
I am 7 weeks PP with daughter #2 and almost 3 weeks out from my mother’s death. It has been a crazy time for me emotionally. My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was about 16 weeks along. It has been a roller-coaster ever since. Right now what i feel is largely nothing. It’s like the ultimate high and the ultimate low have cancelled each other out and left me emotionally inept. I am numb.
I did not have PPD with my first daughter (just normal baby blues which subsided relatively quickly, looking back). I am not sure that I even have it now but I am making sure to attend new moms groups and a PPD support group as well as seeing a therapist. I am really afraid of falling into a hole of depression, so i am trying to keep on it.
Sorry, that seemed more like a vent than an answer to your question, but I guess I needed that.
I definitely suffered from it and put off seeking help for so long that it turned into something so much worse. Would definitely recommend putting your (my) pride aside and seeking help before it gets out of control.
I’m glad your mom is coming to help you out for the first couple weeks – and so glad you have such an amazing mom!!