By: Connie Mulholland
I tripped over my four-year-old daughter at the local nursery. As my body contorted into every position known to mankind to keep from landing on top of her, the tray of impatiens I held toppled to the ground. Naturally, every patron in the store witnessed my humiliation. This was not the first time a child of mine had embarrassed me or my husband and it won’t be the last.
For instance last month, a man from Priority Post came to the door. While I was I was signing for my package I heard my daughter’s (same daughter) chipper voice suddenly announce, “Bombs away!” I felt a thud on my head and another one. To my horror my cherub-faced angel threw tampons at me from upstairs. She had the whole box in her hand. Of course they weren’t just any tampons. I tried to smile as my little darling let her “super-absorbent” bombs drop on me. The postman tried hard to hold in his laughter but he couldn’t. After I accepted my package and quickly closed the door, I almost hyperventilated when I realized that the man from Priority Post was now aware that I have a heavy flow.
A few years ago during a trip to the zoo, my three-year-old son was struggling to see the monkeys in their pit. My husband sat him on his shoulders so that he could see over the crowd. While he enjoyed the monkeys run around their pen, my son suddenly shouted out, “Daddy, that monkey’s boobs look just like yours!” The adults around chuckled as my hubby violently protested, “I don’t have boobs!” I think he wanted to inform the crowd of that more than anyone. I explained to my son. “Sweetheart, Daddy calls them pecs.” We immediately headed for the giraffe area after that.
Every parent’s well-meaning child will throw the embarrassment card into the pot when they are not expecting it. Just hold your head up high when your child shouts out that four-letter word he or she heard Daddy say or vomits all over your bosses’ prize-winning rose garden. We’ve all been there and will be again.
urbanmoms.ca member Connie is a mom to two and contributor to The Lounge. Share your own experiences with embarrassment – that ubiquitous risk of parenthood – below in comments!
That was so funny! My son has called people ugly – I swear I don’t know where he got that?! Weird…Luckily most of his embarassaing but funny comments have been made to me only, not in public.
haha! I LOVE AUNT CONNIE AND HER CRAZY KIDS!
My teenager just reminded me of how when he was six, he opened the door to my male neighbour when I was walking stark naked from the bathroom to get a towel. My neighbour never came to borrow anything ever again!
My favorite always involves the same grocery store.
When my daughter was two and I was trying to stop in the store to pick up some milk with her and her baby brother in tow, she entertained the whole store with her shrieks for a “MUFFIN” all the way up the aisle, through the check out and out to the car.
My son has joined her ranks of screamer at the same store as of late. He was having a fit in the mall and as we entered the store, with me carrying him flailing and screaming under my arm, there were about 6 people standing at the entrance who looked up from their baskets and stared. I looked them all in the eye and said “Hello! We’ve arrived! Thanks for noticing.”
My daughter also likes to remind my mother that she is short – “I’m small Grandma Lady, but you’re short”. And she reminds her Grandad that he’s old.
Here are a few more:
– We’re waiting for the bathroom when the door opens and an older lady appears. She smiles at my daughter and says hello. My daughter looks up at her, crinkles her nose and says, “Ewww. Your poo stinks!”. For some reason the earth refused to swallow me up.
– My son had a pal who was a bit overweight. One day at the pool he asks me totally innocently, in front of his pal’s mom, “why does X have boobs?” The mom was not impressed.
– My favourite is when my daughter met a friend’s grandma and said to her “You’re really old. Are you going to die soon?”
There are many, many more where those came from!