To men, the V-word is quite possibly one of the scariest words in the english language. It strikes fear into the heart of millions, forcing even the toughest of men to shudder and recoil in horror.
No, Harry Potter fans, I’m not talking about Voldemort, although He Who Must Not Be Named is one scary dude. I’m talking about the other feared V-word: Vasectomy.
I mean, c’mon, I bet even the Dark Lord Voldemort would have left Harry alone if there was a spell that could have brought on an instant vasectomy.
I digress. And I reveal too much about my nerdy side. Moving on.
Wikipedia, my primary source of reliable online information, defines vasectomy as “a minor surgical procedure wherein the vasa deferentia of a man is severed, and then tied/sealed in a manner which prevents sperm from entering into the seminal stream (ejaculate).”
Others define vasectomy as the instant and irreversible elimination of their self-esteem, confidence and essence of being. These people (read men) see the severing of the vasa deferentia as the final blow to their sexuality.
Here’s where this post veers firmly into the TMI zone, a place in which I am both familiar and (clearly) comfortable.
My wife and I have been thinking about having another Pea. We’re about two years into this parenting thing, and personally, I want to be able to give our girl another sibling sooner rather than later, to avoid some of the pitfalls that I’ve seen arise when the age gap is too wide.
As a result, we aren’t exactly being careful when it comes to, well, you know, doin’ it. And as a result of that, I’m reminded of how much I don’t like condoms.
So, if I project a few years down the road, to when my wife and I are content with the size of our family, I’m left to wonder what birth control options we will choose for ourselves. Given my dislike of condoms, there are essentially two choices: Tubal Ligation and Vasectomy.
Now, I can choose to look at this one of two ways.
1) I can let my feelings regarding the vasectomy, which are fairly accurately described above, lead the discussion; or
2) I can remind myself of what my wife went through to give us our daughter, and any future spawn we may produce together. I can think of getting a vasectomy as my sacrifice, akin to her stretch marks, baby weight, intense memories of pain and decreased body function control (most of which, like the vasectomy, are irreversible). I can be selfish and force my wife to undergo yet another family-related surgical procedure, as though the episiotomy and foreceps delivery that were needed during Pea’s birth weren’t enough. I can opt for the less effective of the two birth control choices on the table, just so that I can walk around like a cocky (pun intended), arrogant, ballsy (pun intended) and swagger-filled man, content that the bullets in my gun aren’t blank even though they will never be needed.
Tubal ligation it is!
Alright, that last line was a joke. I am still quite undecided, so I want to hear from you. What choice did you, or do you plan to make, with regards to birth control post-family? Tubal ligation? Vasectomy? Condoms? Cream? Diaphragm? Billings Method? Moon Cycles? Maybe you’ll look into a Harry Potter-style anti-conception spell?
Let me know.
Dear Shawn, let’s look at this from a different (and possibly more enticing to the man) perspective shall we? After 20 years of parenting and numerous varied attempts to prevent any more children, I still somehow encountered an Oops. She is now 6 years old and I’m glad I had her, but I’ll tell ya, being pregnant in your 40’s is no easy task. I was aware of the attitude of my husband, my brothers, my male co-workers, and just about every other male I ever encountered regarding anybody touching their boys so I just blindly went along assuming it was never going to happen. And so, while still pregnant, I started shopping around for something permanent to be done for me. It wasn’t until I gave birth to this last one (the first time my husband had actually set foot into a delivery room) that he saw first hand what I went through. I’m not sure who talked to him, or what magazine article he read in the waiting room, but somehow the idea of a vasectomy was firmly planted in his head and he announce to me just hours after our daughter was born that he would go get one immediately. Now, here’s the part that might intrigue you. I was so impressed that I actually found new stamina to … umm … show my appreciation (wink, wink) despite my stitches and perpetual lack of sleep. Forget that 6 week waiting period we’re all told in the hospital. I couldn’t wait 6 days to thank him for removing all pressure from me and shouldering the responsibility without even being asked. Now that’s a Man’s Man if you ask me.
I don’t know why men think that “the big v” is such a big deal. IF you are willing to have children with your wife/partner, well, think about it really….she does all the work….morning sickness, stretch marks, back pains…. labour!! Put on your big boy pants and dive in!! I decided that I did not want any more children after 30 and talked with my husband about ‘the big v’ (notice how NOTHING is capitalized in that!!”) and that if he was okay about what I went through during pregnancy, he should also be okay with ‘doing his part’. He went in for the procedure (being 29 at the time) after numerous questions about wanting more children. The doctor did not want to do it for him “in case he wanted more children” even though we as a couple had already discussed it. But I digress…so after the procedure (that evening) he went to his karate class! No time off work, lounging on the couch, whining about any pain. So, like Nike says….just do it!!
I don’t get it. You are young and want more children. A vesectomy is out of the question right now. Unless of course you are Victor Newman. He has been having children for 35 years, with or without a Vesectomy!!!
Mirena eh… hmm…
OK, I think I am in the minority here (as usual)…
I agree with your hesitation to have the “V”. That is a big door to close forever, you never know what is down the road for you. I have never asked DH to get one, and I never will. I think there is far too much pressure on men to have the V once the family is done, and if you aren’t comfortable doing it DON’T. Childbirth (and the resulting recovery) shouldn’t ever be used to guilt a man into something like that, it’s not fair.
Following the birth of my second, we decided we were done. I can’t take oral contraceptives because I have a medical condition that makes me prone to blood clots, so the vast majority of birth control is off limits. I had my doctor insert a plastic IUD called Mirena, it has been great for us. It lasts 5 or 7 years, and can be switched out by the doc at that time. There are some possible side effects as it is hormonal as well, but localized – not systemic, so a safer choice for me – and it is as reliable as the pill.
Be a man, Shawn…and pass that along to my husband while you’re at it 😉 If we can do what we do, you can certainly do this.
The pill didn’t work for me after my second baby. I got pregnant on it, but had a miscarriage very early. We decided then to use condoms.
We were unaware that our condom failed until I found out I was pregnant with our third…
We knew we were DONE so I took hubby for his procedure 3 weeks before my due date. I was there, 9 months pregnant, sitting in a room of men who looked to be between 40-50. My husband was 34.
I can imagine that you’re a bit gun shy thinking about your bits being snipped.
I felt the same way each time I had a human being working their way out my lady parts. But I did it. Three times.
There wasn’t even a question for my husband to get a V when it was time to stop having babies.
Seeing me get stitched from front to back after my first (thank you 4th degree episiotomy!) made the teeny, tiny stitchless incision required for a vasectomy seem not so bad.
You’ll be fine. When it’s time you can take one for the team!
My husband and I have a blended family. I have a son from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. We also have two children together. After our youngest was born (5 days before my 30th B-Day), I decided that was enough. I went in a few months after our daughter was born and had a tubal done. But that was something we discussed even before we were married. I told him flat out that once I hit 30 I was done having children. He’s still not “fixed” himself, but that’s his choice, that he’s still considering (3 years later). LOL
Okay, Shawn, I hope you know what you’re letting yourself in for, talking about this on a site dominated by women!!!
Most doctors I know won’t even consider doing a tubal ligation (which is major abdominal surgery, btw) unless the mom is already under the knife for another procedure (eg cesarian) because it’s far more risky and invasive than a vasectomy. I have a friend who shopped around (and begged) until she found a doctor who would tie her tubes, because her hubby essentially tied his knees together and refused to go for the big V. She ended up with sepsis and had to be readmitted to hospital a few days later by ambulance, where she had to stay for 3 weeks recovering on IV antibiotics and bed rest. It took her a few more weeks to be able to walk up stairs and months before she could lift her children again. All this after having gone through the rigours of childbirth twice. All this because her hubby was afraid of a small operation requiring only a local anaesthetic and NO STITCHES. Can you tell I’m not impressed? None of her friends were – even as we brought casserole after casserole to their house, looked after the kids and cleaned up – we were all giving him the MAJOR stink-eye.
So, yeah. If you’re not willing to do the V, then please, by all the Powers, DO NOT subject your dear wife to a tubal ligation. There is a great IUD out there called Mirena – your wife will like it as not only does it prevent pregnancy, it seems to be very effective at preventing periods, too. BUT it’s hormonal, so she’ll have to consider the long-term effects of that.
On a feminist note: I can’t help but notice that even in today’s day and age, when the simplest, most effective forms of birth control (vasectomy and condoms) are readily available and CHEAP (a single vasectomy costs 1/3 of what a Mirena device costs – and the Mirena will need to be replaced every few years until menopause whereas a good vasectomy…well…it’s a keeper), men continue to spurn them because they’re distasteful and so responsibility for birth control still falls to women. Even when it turns out to be more costly and more dangerous that way.
Sigh. Men…can’t live with ’em, can’t shoot ’em (to quote St. Elmo’s Fire)
And to all the men out there who laid them down on behalf of your wives…I salute you and your severed vas deferens. You are worthy of our admiration and respect!
can i smack you for even debating this? 🙂
a 5 minute little snippy clip complete with a bag of frozen peas and a free bandaid vs. a volkwagon beetle shooting out your “other” v-word, 4 weeks being scared to move due to vast leakage in the aftermath even though you’re wearing a DIAPER, vomiting profusely during the whole natural baby coming out really fast part. hmmmmmm…..
but, like sara said, make sure you follow up so the little guys stay put and don’t try to reroute. i, too, know of someone who had another after the procedure.
we did learn something about hubby’s V. we realized that no matter how bad your day may be, whether at a “regular” job or even as a stay at home parent, your worst day can never be as bad as the best day the guy who shaves your package has. that’s his job…shave the boys….all day….
I of course assumed the V word was vajajay….
I say you get the old brick job when you’re done procreating….but remember,,,it ain’t always fool proof as my old boss and her third child will attest!