This past holiday Monday, my wife and I spent the day at a local mall. We asked my parents to watch Pea and we made it to the mall – one of the few open in the GTA – at around 1pm.
When we arrived, it was as if Christmas had come early. There were people everywhere and parking was absolutely insane.
As we zigzagged in and out of rows, we finally came upon a fairly prime spot. I signaled and waited for the couple to get in their car and back out. As the couple got in their car, another woman appeared beside their car and waited.
For a moment, I wondered if this new woman was waiting to get in the car. But as it backed away and the woman remained, it became clear that she wasn’t getting in the car. Instead, she stood in front of the spot and waved her finger in the air, signaling that I wasn’t to pull into the spot.
I rolled down the window of my car, and asked her what she was doing. She indicated that she was saving the spot for her car, which was at the moment en route from another row.
Uncharacteristically, I lost it. I yelled, argued, and even pulled my car into the way so her husband couldn’t pull into the spot. I vehemently defended what I felt was morally and justifiably mine. After all, the one thing you need to park a car in a busy mall parking lot is, in fact, an automobile.
She eventually moved, we parked our car, and I felt comfortable having behaved as I did because I was in the right.
As I trolled the mall, I recalled the incident and something occurred to me – what if Pea had been in the car? What if I had lost it in front of her? How would I have justified my behaviour when she asked me why I was yelling? And how would I have told her to stop yelling the next time she didn’t get what she wanted?
Somehow, telling Pea “She was in Daddy’s parking spot” doesn’t seem to be a justifiable reason for yelling at someone, no matter how right it felt in the moment.
Fortunately, Pea wasn’t there. So I don’t have to pull out the “Do as I say and not as I do” line just yet.
For what it is worth, this lady holding the space obviously was nuts.
Every time I have gotten a little hot under the collar (at other drivers) in the car in front of my daughter I always think that I am not the first nor the last parent to do this.
You definitely had the right idea. It was your spot. Calmly waited for and indicated.
Unfortunately sometimes the ridiculousness of others push us passed the point of who we are. Sometimes our sense of entitlement is obscene! On the other hand, would you want Pea to see that you back down and cede control to others just because they exert more pressure even if its wrong? Sometimes standing up for what you believe in means a battle. But also, sometimes the price of being right just isn’t worth it.
I find the best way to avoid reacting how I don’t want to react is to have thought the scene out beforehand. If I have played out a scenario ( or at least a similar one ) in my head then I am in much better control when such a situation arises. That being said, I’m not sure I would have predicted such lunacy from someone as to ‘hold’ a parking spot. No, not hold – Steal.
I say good on ya. Learn from this and move on.
Shawn,
This post reminds me of the scene in Fried Green Tomatoes where the Kathy Bates character gets so pissed off at another car (again the stolen spot), that she rams into it! She even backs up to gain more speed. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to do that, ahhhh revenge.
However, I think you are right about modeling mature behaviour for our kids, because do as I say, not as I do it a cop out and doesn’t work.
BTW, one should have a car to get a spot, saving the spot is not kosher! Where are the parking police when you need them?