The Dating Game

Because it is a game, isn’t it? 

And a damn scary one, at that: well, scary for a forty-something to get back into after over a decade in a failing marriage. But it’s my story, my adventure, my journey; and I’m going to share it with you.

First, a word about my marriage: from the beginning, I knew in my heart he wasn’t “the one”, but in my later twenties, I was afraid of losing my chance to marry and have a family, so I settled. And I guess I could have predicted the outcome. Because if you settle for less than right, what you get is less than right. I know: marriage is work. And believe me, we worked at it. Hard. What we spent on counseling could probably have paid the mortgage on a second home. But in the end, it boiled down to this; we never should have been married in the first place. We weren’t compatible, not in the long run. We had different goals, different core values. As husband and wife, we were never going to be the heads of a happy, successful family. So, we parted ways and after several months living apart, I filed for separation, and then divorce. It wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing to do.

At first, in the aftermath, the thought of willingly entering into a new relationship with another man was the furthest thing from my mind. I laughed at the question, “do you think you’ll ever marry again?” Actually, I more scoffed at it, really. Marriage for me had been such a downer, why would I want to go through it again? I even toyed with the idea of a same-sex relationship, because I always laughed that I’d much rather marry one of my women friends than another man. Of course the real stumbling block there is that I’m not attracted to women. Which is a pretty big deal in this scenario.

So I carried on for two years, happily enjoying just being myself, and raising my kids. It was wonderful and liberating and healing and just what I needed. But, eventually, I began to feel that maybe, just maybe, there might be room in my full, happy life for someone else. I felt that maybe I wanted to share my life (or a part of it, anyway) with another person. I could see myself enjoying dinner or a movie with a man; and the prospect of getting to know someone new seemed exciting rather than daunting or laughable.

And that’s when I knew I was ready. Ready to get back into the dating game.