Is my middle child destined to be a menace, simply because she’s the middle child? That’s what I found myself wondering as I made the trek to Vancouver with all three girls and caught myself thinking, “This would be so much easier if Karenna had stayed home.” (I know, worst mom EVER.)
Avelyn just turned five and is a delight to be around; Brinley is cute and agreeable. Then there’s Karenna: she’s fiery, angry, grumpy, unpredictable and full of tantrums waiting to be unleashed. She starts endless fights with her big sister and is so volatile. Part of it is her age, I know. She’s two years old, almost three, and she is constantly pushing the limits of my boundaries (and sanity). If she’s anything like her older sister, the Terrible Two’s (which actually start just after the first birthday) will start to ease up a bit just after her third birthday. I am hoping that her going to preschool a couple mornings next week in the fall will give her the structure and challenge she needs to learn how to be a decent human being. She will be in a safe environment where sharing will be the norm, waiting your turn (and not freaking out about it) is the expectation, and being part of a group is fun. Preschool will fix her, right? Or…or is this just how she’s always going to be? I have heard quite a few people reference the “Middle Child Syndrome” and it has me quaking in fear. Will she always feel desperate for attention and try to find it in negative ways? Will she not be secure in her place in our family, jealous of her big sister’s accomplishments and her little sister’s cuteness, angry that she’s lost in the shuffle? I don’t want that. I really am trying to meet her where she’s at: praising her for all the great aspects of her personality (and there are many, really…she’s hilarious and kind and smart and quirky and full of words of love and affirmation), consistently disciplining her in loving ways, and taking the time to do things she loves (sitting down and reading a book together is her most favourite thing ever). But part of me wonders if it won’t be enough. What else can I do to help her escape the Middle Child Syndrome? (Maybe not griping about her on my blog is a start? Hahaha….oh.) Or is that all a load of bung?
What do you think about the birth order traits? Do you fit the descriptions of a typical firstborn, middle child, or baby of the family? (I am a firstborn, but do not fall in line with the traits at all! I am lazy, about as far from a Type-A personality as one can be, and not particularly aggressive. There may be some latent leadership skills in me, but again, remember The Lazy? It usually wins.) Any tips on how to help Karenna not become the angry black sheep of our family?
I know I and a lot of my friends who definitely follow birth order thinking – and so do their siblings. But then, I also know some who don’t, like my aunt, so.
I do know that my daughter was easy as a two-year-old and nearly got sold off to the circus when she was three, so it could well be the age. I’m seeing signs with Boy 2 who will soon become Boy 3 that he, too, will become more difficult for that year than he has been yet. (Good thing he’s cute.) So it could just be the age. Give it time! And yes, I’ve also found that structure like daycare does help, so hopefully that will be another little saving grace, both for her and for your own sanity! Adult time helps, too…
She sounds like an almost three year old! sounds like my son and all of his friends! I wonder about the birth order thing…..I do think I am your typical youngest child but I sometimes think it’s because I had my parents to myself for all of high school….I think the age gaps (or lack thereof) have a lot to do with it as well.
The course that I am going to take in the fall does have some teachings about birth order. I do think that the birth order can have influence on who your going to be. I think gender makes a difference too. If you have 3 kids and the middle is a boy, he is the only boy so it gives them a place.
I think because you are such a loving mother, Karenna will be totally fine. It’s about how we treat them. I think all it takes is making each child feel special…..maybe as they get older you can take just Karenna out to a movie, or Steve can take her out for dinner date to McDonald’s. Individual attention can make all the difference.
Being the type of person that you are, I really don’t think Karenna will feel like the black sheep. I think you will embrace who she is, and she will flourish because of it.
Hmm, I’m a middle child and I’m pretty awesome. Oh wait, don’t ask my parents about the 14-17 years. The traits in that article don’t describe me at all! Maybe because my younger brother was 5 years behind me, or I’m the only girl I got treated more like a youngest, I don’t know.
Um. Did you write this post about Liliana? Because I think you did. She’s four and … still so, so hard to deal with. Yet, she’s SO hilarious and quirky. She’s a lot of work. So what I’m saying is I KNOW YOUR PAIN and I hope, for both our sakes (and our middle-child girls’ sakes) that they embrace their place in our families.
I’m a typical oldest child. I totally fit the mold.
I think there is something to the birth order. I really do. My sisters and I definitely fit the traits. Almost to a tee. Honest to goodness, that was a big factor in why we only wanted two. I didn’t want a middle child. Maybe that’s silly but I’m just glad I don’t have to find out. 😉
Uch. I have no idea… I’m never sure about that birth-order stuff either. I’m first born too, but The Lazy takes over just about all the other Type-A/aggressive parts. But, eager to please? Yes, I guess so. Harrumpf.
I think you’re right about preschool being helpful… kids seem to “get into line” pretty easily at school – they like to do as the others do. And she’ll probably love having a place to go during the day that’s only hers. Failing which, maybe you could have another baby? *snickers* (You know I’m kidding… kinda… you make nice kids though!!)
Don’t worry Amanda! Karenna is just Karenna. Its not because she is a middle child – she hasn’t changed since she was the youngest has she? The trick is to remain calm and quietly assertive while she melts down – show her the better way to behave in a crisis. Also make sure she gets attention when she is behaving well and less when she is behaving badly. Like tell the other kids to move to another spot to play and Karenna can join them when she is done having a fit. It really is tough to do – took me till my youngest, my “Karenna”, was 17 years old to catch on!! Good luck! Oh, and don’t blame yourself, each one is exactly how God made them – sometimes for reasons that we don’t see for years (if ever!).