• What do I experience when I feel more stress (notice what kinds of feelings, behaviours, and thoughts come up – i.e. irritability, impatience, frustration, loss of humour)
Stress itself is not necessarily negative. We need it to motivate ourselves and to not be listless or bored. It is known that stress is fluid and changes depending on life events and the ways we work with stress. Try to pay attention to levels of stress and the length of time spent in high or very high levels of stress, especially for moms, as the demands of caregiving can be so great and stressful. Women’s caregiving is often done in isolation and may not be consistently rewarded by family, friends, and society, which can add to the level of stress already felt. I imagine you’ve heard many times about how important it is for moms to take some time to give care to themselves since they are taking care of the many needs of others. In theory, this sounds wonderful (and it is!) and in practice it can be such a challenge to achieve.
I remember the experience of a mom speaking about the impossibility of taking time for herself during the day, not able to get away from the constant demands of caregiving. After some conversation about what her day entailed, it was discovered that as she walked down the hall from her living room to her baby’s room, she was conscious of her breathing and of her body movements as she walked. She took slow, deliberate breaths and steps. She was doing a walking meditation without knowing it. She decided that she would continue to do this and called this time “her own time”. This continued to be her sacred time for herself.
What this shows is that there is the possibility to create moments of slowing down and giving to you, even for a couple of moments. The ways to decrease stress have to fit into your life. You are the expert on how you can accomplish this.
Taking stock: There are a number of questions you can ask yourself and consider as you think about your stress health and wellness:
• What are the roles in your life and the demands in each role? How do you generally feel in each of the roles in your life? (i.e. mom, spouse/partner, employer/employee, daughter, sister, etc.)
• What do you actively do to decrease stress in your life? Is it practicing deep breathing, meditation, exercise, dining out, reading, going for a walk, art, looking at the trees and flowers?
• Do these actions engage your focus and decrease your stress level?
• Are the demands bigger than you? Suggestion: Make a list of essential and non-essential tasks and see what you can give away to others. Practice asking for help and accepting help.
• Do you take time for yourself? When can you take time for yourself? Taking a moment to consciously breath deeply or spend time with your spouse or friends – anything that builds your self worth and connects you to yourself and others is important.
Please note: If you read this article you just took time for yourself! Wishing you all a wonderful, low-stress summer!
Karen Zarnett runs a private counselling and psychotherapy practice with over ten years of experience working with individuals and couples. Karen’s practice is located in midtown Toronto and she can be reached by email at zarnett4therapy@look.ca . Please look for future articles at urbanmoms.ca on mental and emotional health and wellness written by Karen, who welcomes feedback and suggestions.