I totally forgot the deadline for this fitness article.
It is the day after Thanksgiving, I ate too much rich food (my son asked me if I was having a baby?!) and my house looks like it was hit by a tornado after hosting turkey dinner. Life is busy. And normally, I am on top of things. I have a thriving personal training business, 3 busy kids and a puppy. But this summer, my husband and I decided to separate after 17 years of marriage.
And last week, my youngest decided he couldn’t to go to school anymore because something bad was going to happen to me. Needless to say, it’s been a rough week.
I have been telling clients for years that nobody can do it all. Now its time to take my own advice.
As mothers and women, we expect an awful lot from ourselves. We try to be all things to all people. But I realize now that there are limits. I can only do so much. I have to ask for help when I need it. I have to admit to myself that I just don’t have enough time to do the things I used to be able to do. There are not enough hours in the day to do everything on my “list”. This has been a hard pill for me to swallow.
So I have been doing the basics. I guess you could say I’ve been in survival mode. What was once in the “need” column is now in the “want” column. But through it all, I’ve had some clarity as to what is truly important in my life: my boys, our health and friends & family. Everything else is secondary.
I am so lucky to have the most incredible friends. I have also had the good fortune to work with some incredible women over the years. They are clients but they too are my friends. They remind me that it’s okay to drop the ball once in a while. That it’s important to poke fun at ourselves. After all, we are only human.
So take some time from your busy schedules to reflect on the things that are important in your life. Simplify. And allow yourselves to be human. Focus on your health. And not just your physical health. Emotional well-being is just as important. Try to get lots of sleep, get a massage, read a book, surround yourself with positive people and above all else, forgive yourself. Don’t panic if you don’t get everything done on your “list”. Sometimes the things we think are important, really don’t matter all that much.
I am a personal trainer. But first and foremost, I am a Mom. Just a Mom trying to hold it all together. A Mom trying not to miss any more deadlines.
Happy trails!
Disclaimer
The way to optimal health is to combine good sensible nutrition with consistent strength training and cardiovascular exercise. Consult with a physician before embarking on a new exercise plan. Stop immediately if you feel any pain while doing these exercises.
That is what i love about urbanmoms.ca!
It is a place where you are allowed to be human, and where I can “feel” that I am not alone feeling… good and bad things; life things. Bon Courage Susan, and remember after the rain the sun shines and nature shines.
You are a tough woman, Susan! You can do this!!!
Susan, I completely understand how you feel. Sometimes (often actually), it all gets on top of you and something has to gotta give. As a working mom with 3 young children under 6, living in a foreign country with no family support, a husbnd who is away 3 weeks out of the month and a child with chronic health issues, it has really affected my mental and physical well being.
I am trying to simplify my life and have made some hard decisions recently.
Thinking of you and best of luck in the future!
Hi Susan. I often see you here and think, “She’s so beautiful and fit. Her life must be perfect”. I am so sorry. Here I am secretly resenting you and really you are beautiful, fit, and human just like the rest of us. Thanks for teaching me a lesson. My thoughts are with you and your boys.
susan
you are that beautiful girl I see with those beautiful boys and you are so brave to tell your story. I separated from my husband a year ago and although it has been a difficult journey it was the right thing for me to do and I have not looked back. I started a support group for strong women who have found themselves in this situation and I welcome you to join us. Do ask for help,stay open to the world and take care of yourself. Continue to be aware of all that you have!
Thanks for the reminder, Susan, to simplify. How easy it is to think you can do it all and then make yourself sick in the process. Thanks for sharing your story.
As a personal trainer you understand that sometimes working outside of your comfort zone brings about the best results. This also happens in our personal lives. While it is always scarey when something we are so “used” to changes quickly and drasticaly, it can also bring to you some real rewards. Now is the opportunity to really explore yourself as a person, not just within the definition of being a wife. Take each day at a time. I’ve been there, it gets easier each day. Most important, good relationship with the ex really helps the kids. Mine were hardly affected. While I may not always agree with the Ex, I still respect that he is the father of my kids. Good luck. You are strong, and there are so many opportunities open in life to find happiness and meaning. Take the time and be good to yourself, you deserve it too.
Oh, so sorry. Take your own advice and give yourself a break. Think of where you are and how high you’ve climbed. Then spend some time enjoying what you’ve done. Don’t beat yourself up. Take care of yourself!!
Five years ago I also separated from my husband of 18 years. Although it was tough it was better than living in an unhappy relationship and my 3 kids are happier. We’ve tried to maintain an amicable relationship and this has also helped the kids. Good luck to you and there is nothing wrong with not being the perfect mother/woman. It is very reassuring to other women to see we’re all human and it gives us compassion for others.
You and me both, Susan. 14 years of marriage, 3 kids. Confusing times. Day by day. It can only get better. Right?
How about being a mom who forgives herself if she does miss deadlines? Take it easy on yourself – give yourself permission to be just you, just coping in a difficult time in your life.
Susan – good luck for the future – having friends is the best way to cope..we are all only human…You are strong & will be able to deal with all of this 🙂
Susan
Sometimes just having great friends where you can vent all your frustations helps alot. Being a single mom,it sometimes can be overwhelming but just remember its not what gets done or not but doing things with your kids
Susan thanks for sharing your story, I have been in your situation also but with 3 small children under 5 at the time. Rocky roads are ahead, however there is light at the end of the tunnel. I sincerely hope you follow your own advice and do not be afraid to ask for help, even if it is just a sounding board. Your friends will be there for you. ((((HUGS))))
Susan – lots of love to you during this difficult time. You have got it right, take care of yourself and your family and lean on those friends.
Susan, thanks so much for sharing your heartbreaking story! You have touched me and will touch (and help) other moms, as well.
{{{{HUGS}}}} to you during this difficult time.