I was chatting with a friend a few weeks ago and we got into a friendly discussion (ahem) about our husbands and how they never hear the baby cry at night. NEVER!
In fact, in both of our cases, our husbands have to be repeatedly spoken to and nudged (ok, kicked) in order to wake up, even if the baby is crying hysterically. To add insult to injury, though, my aforementioned friend’s husband claimed there was a study done proving that men are not able to hear a baby’s cry at night and that’s why he never woke up.
I mentioned this topic at a mom group I attend and almost every mother there said the same thing- their men don’t ever hear the baby cry once they have fallen asleep.
So, I did a quick search. And this is what I came up with: When Daddy Goes Deaf.
According to this study, men are not conditioned to wake up to the cries of a baby. In fact, it doesn’t even make the top 10 list of sounds most likely to wake a man up. Hmmmm…so, as the article claims, while a woman’s maternal instinct kicks in when a baby cries, a man’s instinct kicks in when a car alarm goes off or the wind howls. Really? Interesting.
So I cut my husband a bit of slack. He apparently wasn’t the only father who was incapable of waking up to the sound of a crying baby.
But do I buy the study?? Well, yes and no.
In my own, informal, ranting and raving with other moms, I have noticed that almost no father’s wake up when their baby cries over the monitor at night. The study seems to back up the theory that men really don’t hear the cries- they’re not just pretending.
However, it makes me wonder…how many men were conducting this study and how many of them have or had crying babies at home? Huh?
So what does a man think of this study, and dad’s not waking up in general? Check out Shawn’s Blog…and get a daddy’s perspective…
Sorry, this might be a long time past when you wrote the article but in a few articles that I’ve read about the study they report that parenthood has no bearing. Women without babies or children will still be woken up and men without will still stay asleep. Also, that a small percentage of men actually will be awoken by a crying baby (I am one of those unfortunate few)
It seems to be an evolutionary response rather than a conditioned one.
” These differing sensitivities may represent evolutionary differences that make women sensitive to sounds associated with a potential threat to their children while men are more finely tuned to disturbances posing a possible threat to the whole family.”
First, I want to apolgize to all you moms for us husbands. I know it is hard to believe, but a lot of us are really trying hard to be good parents and spouses. I for one cannot seem to wake up to my 5 month old daughter’s cries for anything. I want to help my wife out so badly that I’ve tried everything I can think of to wake up. The only certain method I’ve found is to just stay up all night. My wife hates this as she doesn’t understand it’s the only way I can provide her with a good nights rest.
Now, while I can sleep through the worst cries (no I swear to you I’m not faking!) I can readily wake up to the alarm on my cellphone buzzing, even when set to a relatively quiet level. I guess this seems to partially confirm the study mentioned above. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and wish I could wake up when it’s my turn.
If anyone has had this problem too and found a solution, PLEEAASE post it! I am desperate to try anything that might help!
opposite for me and my husband. i don’t wake up when my baby cries. i can be lying right next to him and i don’t wake up. my husband can be on another floor of the house and he will wake up when our son cries. it’s kinda scary for me that i don’t wake up…especially since my husband works the night shift and isn’t home during the night a lot. so i wind up staying up all night when my husband is working so i can make sure that i’m awake when my son wakes up for his feeding and isn’t screaming his head off until my husband gets home from work. i feel so bad that i don’t wake up, but i don’t know what to do about it. i guess i’m just a really heavy sleeper. i have awakened in the morning (not in the middle of the night) with my 75 lb dog lying half on top of me with her head covering my face. i swear i can sleep through ANYTHING!
I think there may be SOME nights where my partner doesn’t hear the baby (we have an 8 month old son) cry as well as our other children (like if they wet the bed or have bad dreams or whatever) but I honestly think there’ve been plenty of times throughout the years (I’m including when our older children were babies too) when he was pretending. I mean, even when the baby was sleeping in our room right next to the bed, screaming for a feed surely he would have heard. Plenty of times when I can tell he was ‘fake sleeping’
And you can add mine. My Husband had the balls to tell me that he needed more sleep then me when I tried waking him up after being up for 23.5 hours after birth. I thought I could get a full night rest on a saturday night ( he doesnt work on Sunday) He slept all afternoon Saturday and all night and then all day Sunday. We both use to work together and I never found the job that tiring . So I was just wondering if i was the only one. But this blog answers my question. I am not the only one Thank God someone to relate to .
Mother of one BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL
I think men don’t hear the baby because they just expect us to get up with them. I bet the results of this study would be a LOT different if they surveyed single Dads. I can only wish that mine would get up with the kids just once without an elbow.
I have a unique perspective to offer… I’m from Canada and over here we get 1 year paternity leave. I decided to take 6 months and my husband took the other 6 months. In the beginning, my husband slept through the crying… he’s a sound sleeper and I was really frustrated especially on the weekends when it was his turn to wake up with the baby to give me a break. He couldn’t understand how I couldn’t just fall back asleep once the baby woke me up and he went to attend to him. Well… now the tables have turned. My husband has been at home with the baby for 3 months now and I’m back at work. And guess what… I don’t hear the baby cry anymore either. I sleep right through it during the week. Only when I know I’m on duty (the weekend) do I wake up to his cries. And my husband you wonder…. a little peep on the monitor during the night wakes him up and he also has trouble falling back asleep once he goes to attend to our son.
So… I believe the whole “not hearing” the baby has to do with who has the responsibility to the child or who is the primary care giver… this forms a kind of tuner that only comes when you have to attend to the baby’s every need.
Example… If you are the primary care giver and you know that if your baby wakes up completely in the middle of the night and that you will be up with him for an hour to get him back to sleep and therefore will be tired in the morning and will possibly have a cranky baby to tend to in the morning, you will be more in tuned to his first cries before it becomes full-on wailing. =)
So there you have it… by the way… I thought it would be hard not being the primary care giver, and that I would miss my son during the day… but my husband is doing such a great job, my son is thriving and it’s such a relief to be able to go to work (be fulfilled mentally) and come home to my favorite guys. They are always waiting at the door with big smiles and kisses. It’s the best thing in the world. I get to play with my son for 2 to 3 hours before his bed time and it’s all quality time.
My Husband hears everything, or at least it comes across that way. My youngest son will sometimes wake early with a cry out or have to go the washroom and my Husband is there to help.
Me on the other hand is still asleep.
Most cases it is my Husband who wakes for the kids and me asleep.
Yes when i nursed i was up feeding my boys and i was there but the older they got i must have changed to wanting to sleep.
Interesting the information you have.
I think i could sleep with the house falling down.
I sleep deep and my Husband well he is a light sleeper.
Love all of the replies- mycafelatte and julie both made me laugh out loud.
Allen- I think you made a really good point- and you’re right, it has a lot to do with how light a sleeper someone is.
Thanks for you thoughts everyone!!! Thought it was a very interesting “study”!
I hate to tell you but this problem will go on well into your childs’ teen years!
There were so many Friday & Saturday nights that I layed awake waiting to hear the sound of the key opening the back door.
My husband would be snoring peacefully next to me oblivious to my sleepless nights!
When our children were babies, they usually slept through the night but if they did wake up for some reason, I got up with them so my husband could be rested for his job the next day.
I wish it were true (sorta).
Sadly I am a light sleeper and I’m usually up before my wife. Especially in the first few weeks after the delivery.
I think it depends a lot more factors than they took into account, but I’m sure there is some truth to it in the general case.
-Allen
I believe the study 100%.
my hubby didn’t hear my almost 7 year old daughter yelling…in his ear…really! as he lay on the living room floor napping on christmas afternoon. i heard her in the shower upstairs, had to get out…soapy…run downstairs to make sure he was actually alive and then try not to kill him when i found that he was.
must be a “danger” sensor or something like the skunk story.
we were camping once and a skunk knocked over some pots in the kitchen tent. my husband’s military training kicked in, he jumped up, grabbed his glasses and was out in a flash to catch the rodent.
baby screaming in the night? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. whats worse is waking up in the morning. “the baby had a good sleep hey? he didn’t wake up”. “Yes he did, at 1, 3 and 5”
You can add my husband to the list! It started with the baby’s cry and graduating to such things as midnight vomiting. I would spring out of bed while he continued to snore peacefully. Even after back and forthing to strip the bed, bathe said child, and change my p.j.’s he was still fast asleep.
I think it is just a little too convenient and I’m going with conspiracy here folks!