Once you’ve decided you don’t want any more babies, what’s the next step? Is it smart to select a permanent birth control option right away, like a tubal ligation or vasectomy, or wait a few years until your youngest child heads off to kindergarten and see if you feel any pangs for one more newborn to snuggle?
I am 98% certain this is our last baby, but the fact of the matter is that life doesn’t always bring what we expect it to. What if we were to lose one, or all of our children in some crazy freak accident? Obviously, having more kids would never fill the void of that tragic loss, but we might feel the desire to add to our family. Or what if a spouse passes away and the remaining partner remarries and wants to have a child with his/her new spouse? I don’t want to close the door on choices I, for now, don’t know I’ll have to make in the future and find myself regretting a decision made in haste.
I have a few friends who “got fixed” shortly after the birth of their last baby while they were in the sleep-deprived stage of bleeding nipples, overwhelmed by the girth of their needy family. But as those families matured and the kids headed off to school and activities, they found themselves longing for, if not necessarily another child, at least the option, of adding to their brood.
I will be freshly 28 years old when this baby is born (when you get married at 15, you have lots of time for procreation! I kid. I was 19 when we tied the knot, which, looking back, is borderline scandalous!) and I consider that on the young-ish side of things. We do plan to pursue some sort of permanent form of birth control eventually, but I think that just to be safe we will wait until we’re both 35 before one (or both) of us gets our insides rearranged a little to prevent any future babies.
Until then, I’ll go back on the birth control pill (after I’m done breast-feeding/pumping).
Or maybe we’ll try abstinence. Ha!!
What is/was your plan for birth control once you feel your family might be complete? Did you rush into a permanent option that you now regret? Or do you sing the praises of your choice and feel more certain of it with each passing year?
We currently have 3 kids. All three pregnancies were induced due to high blood pressure–no pre-eclampsia, just BP. Admittedly, I was over weight with all 3, but more so with the 3rd. After a really crappy pregnancy (none were the “glow” moment I had hoped for) we decided 3 would be enough and about 6 weeks after delivery my husband had a vasectomy. During that “window” when not all of the sperm was gone, we risked getting pregnant despite the warnings. I really hoped an oops would happen, but it did not. Nearly every monthly cycle I literally prayed that his snipping had failed and that I had accidently gotten pregnant. Now nearly 5 years later ( and still praying for failure) we are seriously considering a reversal. I wish I had read a post like this before, I would have waited and would most likely have a 4th by now with out the worries of now being 34 (or older after reversal/prego/delivery) and dealing with these issues! To make matters worse my husband admitted he never wanted to have the vasectomy but did it because he thought I did not want anymore kids–which at 6 weeks post-partum was true due to very vivid memories of a very painful delivery and the dr. and my mom’s recommendation of 3 being more than enough kids.
I was pretty sure we were done at 3, practically 4 didn’t make any sense, plus my age (40) and 3 C-sections. Hubby saw his GP to get a referral to get snipped, we waited for them to call, they didn’t, he didn’t….I’m due with #4 in 6 weeks. I’m having a tubal done while I’m having the C-section. I will probably always feel some longing for another baby, but I’ll have just turned 42 when this one comes out and my doc isn’t recommending any further sections. Really, even if I don’t feel done, we are done.
Currently pregnant with #2 – at 34 years old – I’m pretty sure we are done. Plus hubby always said he didn’t want more than 2 kids. However… his older brother was done after 2 kids as well and got the snip and they are expecting #3 a month after us. There are so many little accidents in our family (me, both my parents, my youngest nephew, this new baby that is due in September) and they are all such wonderful people (if I do says so myself) that it is hard to close the door forever. I can’t make any decisions while pregnant but at this point I would like to be done and am thinking of going on the pill after I’m done nursing – and I HATE the pill. Mister isn’t realy into getting snipped – especially not after what happened to his older brother, ha! I’ve used the Fertility Awareness Method for years but with that you also have to be okay how it might just not work one day for whatever reason. I’m not getting anything tied inside me though, I’m just not willing to do that.
I knew #3 was our last but didn’t do anything permanent until several years later. The mirena is a great option in the meantime and most of the time you don’t get a period either (4yrs for me)! Once we were absolutely sure my hubby went for the snip and the mirena is done!
Matt got snipped.
And then one afternoon a few years later it occurred to me that I, myself, am still capable of becoming pregnant.
(Nevermind the fact that I have no intentions about having sex with anyone other than Matthew, who is ‘fixed.’ But still. Shudder.)
I nearly started hyperventilating.
I had to sit down for a few minutes.
I think I’m done with babies.
This is a question I’ve been dealing with for the past year. We knew that our last was our last…and so it felt final when our 3rd was born. I didn’t want to do anything permanent for at least 3 years. Well, three years have passed and I’m still convinced that we’re done. I can’t decide on the tubal or in getting my hubby to do the snip. I’ve heard bad things about both. However, the technology for both is getting better all the time. The doctors hands down have told me that it is WAY easier for the male to do it. So I will wait for him to decide that he’s ready. I’m not going to force him to do it, and right now the pill is working out fine for me. But like others have suggested, I would definitely wait at least 3 years to be sure that you are sure that you’re done!!
I told my husband even before we got married I was done having children as soon as I was 30 years old, and 5 days before my 30th, we had our last child. January of the following year, I had decided to get a tubal ligation done. I knew I was completely finished having children. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed being pregnant, and the feeling it gave me (most of the time), but somehow I just knew I was done. We have 4 terrific kids. I have a step-daughter who’s going to be 16, a son who’s 10, and together with my hubby, two daughters ages 6 and 3. I should say that my husband didn’t argue when I told him no kids after I turn 30. He was alright with that.
Just seconding the recommendation for the IUD – I love mine. People are put off by the scare stories but they’ve changed so much since then. When they were first invented you didn’t need any sort of licence because they were a “device” not a “drug” – after the Dalkon Shield IUD (which killed 17 women in the US and rendered many more infertile), that’s changed.
They say it makes your period heavier and more painful, I’d say my periods have just changed a lot as a result, same amount of pain and blood just at different times!
(Sorry to go all TMI).
This is my pre-child rather than post-child contraception, but the fact it will last me for five years with no pill to take makes me happy.
My husband had a vasectomy in June, and I had my fourth baby at the beginning of July. I always said that I’d wait until my youngest was a few years old before deciding something big like that, but when I got pregnant this fourth time (planned) I just knew that it would be my last. If my husband hadn’t wanted a fourth I wouldn’t have pushed for it, and I knew that if something happened to the pregnancy that I wouldn’t want to try and get pregnant again. I just knew. I love that we KNOW that we’re done. There’s something really cool about it. I have my four kids, I love them, I love my new baby, but I also love knowing that I now KNOW all my kids, there is no more planning, or wondering what our future kids will be, and when they’ll happen. I kind of feel like now we can move forward and plan for today, tomorrow and our future with the family that we’ve now completed. Hallelujah.
Plus, I HATE being pregnant.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Yeah, I dunno about that IUD. I’ve heard bad things too. I say unless you’re SURE keep on the pill. Why the heck not?
There’s always the good old fertility awareness method. Has worked for us for four years.
I’d wait until your youngest is 5 and then make a decision. I don’t think it’s healthy to be taking any type of hormonal contraception indefinitely (nor do I think it’s the healthiest/easiest/less intrusive choice for a woman to get her tubes tied) so I’d wait 5 or so years and then decide if you feel ready for the hubs to get snipped. Or … atleast that’s what I would do, given the chance of a do-over.
Amanda this is a decision not to be taken lightly. From my own experience, after having a miscarriage between Lorelei and the conception of Calvin and Georgia and then finding out about Calvin’s heart defect at my twenty week scan, Shane and I decided that no matter what the outcome of my pregnancy with the twins, we would not be having any more children. I had my tubes tied on the operating table five minutes after the twins were born via c-section. Then my only son died at six days old and I have regretted that decision ever since. While I am so grateful to have my girls and still am not sure that I would consider getting pregnant yet again at my age, not having the option to at least consider it anymore has filled me with regrets and what ifs. I’m sure if Calvin had lived, I would have been okay with my decision and been fine to mother my three children. But he didn’t and I can’t go back and redo that day over as much as I wish I could. I had the Mirena in between Lorelei and the twins and loved it. I had no complications and got pregnant instantly after having it removed so that we could conceive again. I’d consider a more “less permanent” option of birth control for the time being, you do afterall have three girls and who knows whether the baby bug will bite you again in a few years. Take your time deciding and make sure, REALLY SURE, that the decision you make you won’t end up regretting like I did. Much love to you…
We did the whole birth control thing after our 3rd, not because we weren’t sure, but because my husband just didn’t get around to making that important doctors appointment. And SURPRISE! Here comes number 4. So if you’re not willing to do anything permanent right away, be in a place where you can accept it if #4 comes along, surprisingly. I was NOT in that place and spent quite a while in a super funk after I found out. That being said, a vasectomy when reversed (however awful and painful it might be to do that!) is still 70% chance of getting a pregnant again, which isn’t BAD. (although not GREAT)
All this being said, MyKidsDad got snipped on Saturday! He’s still walking like a cowboy. (teehee)
Also? I got the Mirena IUD after my 3rd child. It perforated my uterus less than 6 months after having it inserted. (it cost me 80$, and that’s with a very good drug plan!) I had to be put under for day surgery at the hospital to have it removed. After it happened to me, I keep hearing of other people who say the same thing happened to “so and so” that they know. I would steer clear of this if I were you.
We were finished after our first two, born thirteen months apart. Five years later and I recently gave birth to my third baby, conceived while on the pill Taking it perfectly.
Hubs is getting snipped. I’m just about 32, my older two are school age, and I’m all kinds of done. Plus, I get pregnant if he breathes in the same room as I. So yeah. Snip for us.
We had a hard time finding a doctor who would give my husband a vasectomy, he was just 27. I was 25, we’d been married since 19 and 21 and had 3 children. We knew we were done.
Fast forward 7 years and we got divorced, and I am married again and can’t wait to have more babies! He does not regret his vasectomy at all.
If I were you, I’d get the Mirena IUD. No worries of pregnancy, but nothing permanent and it will last for 5 years until you want to make that permanent decision.
That is a huge door to close permanently, you never know what is down the road for either partner, or for us collectively. For me and my husband I don’t feel comfortable making a permanent decision like that. I got an IUD after my second was born, it will likely be long-term, but you never know. Health-wise it is a good choice for me, the side effects are minimal, lasts for 5 years and then can be replaced, and it is as effective as the pill. Good ’nuff!
Up until recently I was totally sure I was done. So sure infact I ran the risk of facing off with “Murphy” and his law on my blog and announced I was done. Pregnancy sucked for me, twice and we figured we’ve got a great number, we’re happy with our girls why do it a third time. The thing is, I can’t shake the longing in my soul to have one more. I had the chance to have them tied awhile back and I passed because even if I never give birth again, I want to know I could if I wanted to.
One day we’ll decide to do perminant, but not yet! And when that time comes I’ll probably do it, our doctor informed us that vasectomies are actually only 73% effective. We also personally know 2 families who conceived after vas, so we’ve (and when I say we I mean I on this one) decided that we want the 100% deal. I HATE surprises.
Snip. Least risk. But, I am 39 and my hubby is 42 and I still haven’t convinced him to get it done. No more kids in our future but the “snip” is not something he relishes!