Sex after having kids? Well considering that I have 8 children there must be, but I was reading an article online the other day http://www.todaysparent.com/lifeasparent/sexrelationships/article.jsp?content=20101220_102740_4976&page=1
and was saddened and shocked by this poor woman’s story of virtually a sexless marriage.
Over the years many of my friends have complained about how they are too tired to have sex or afraid that their children will hear or walk in on them. Man I must be living on another planet because I hate to say this but I have more children than I can count on one hand and the hubby and I still have sex – a lot of it in fact, and (yikes!) I actually enjoy it more and more as I get older.
I won’t be offended when you scream “I hate you bitch.” In fact if I was on the other side of the bed here I would probably be shouting that out to you. Now before the hubby and I started living in different Provinces we had sex at least 5 times a week and even more than once in one day. Now when he comes home we just make up for lost time. How do we do this with so many kiddies running around? Well I am no therapist or Doctor but here are some suggestions that have worked in my life.
1) Don’t confine your lovemaking to just the bedroom. There are many other rooms in the house so don’t be afraid to use them!
2) Take advantage of those rare moments when the kiddies are playing outside in the yard and go for it!
3) Hubby in the shower? Well why not join him.
4) Sex in the afternoon can be great – why not sneak a quickie in while the children are watching a movie or their favourite TV show?
5) Too tired? Okay well I can’t really help with this one because I never am – or if I am then once we start to turn up the heat suddenly I’m not tired!
6) Try having a date night once a week – even if you don’t actually go out. Once the children are asleep cuddle up and watch a movie, or play a game of cards (strip poker anyone?), have a late romantic dinner with just the two of you. There are so many things you can do together to get the juices flowing and add more spark and romance to your relationship.
7) Don’t always talk about the kiddies. This can be tough I know, but maybe start off by taking 15 minutes each day or night to talk about how each other’s day went, something you heard or read about in the news – anything except the kiddies!
8) Have phone sex during the day or send a sexy text or email.
9) Leave little suggestive notes in the hubby’s pocket or briefcase.
10) Finally remember that having children doesn’t mean an end to your sex life. Embrace your new mommy body as it is and remember how sexy you are!
If none of these suggestions help and you really can’t keep your children out of the room then I do have one more option for you – duct tape and a well ventilated closet should hold them for a little while at least;)
What about you? Has your sex life become non-existent since having children? What do you do to keep the sparks flying?
Until next time
Chantel, momof8crazymonkeys
love it! My two oldest (ages 13 and almost 12) know all about sex and my middle ones ages 8 & 9 think sex is getting naked hugging and kissing as well:) I was scolded by my second oldest last week just before the hubby left – apparently the babies were crying and so he had to feed the babies because (and I quote) “you were to busy to feed them because you had to do the wild thing with dad!” I told him we were packing his stuff and he needed help because of the surgery – don’t think he bought it one bit.
Yea the dog was certainly a new addition – she’s a puppy. We had a long chuckle over that. Apparently my son who walked in left and told my eldest “mom and dad are having sex”. I didn’t even know he knew the term, so it led to some
Discussion today. Turns out he thought we were naked and hugging :). My eldest knows all about sex, so he asked if it was true and I fibbed a little so as to
Not gross him out.
LOL The dog? OMG – That I have never experienced! Isn’t it amazing though how the older children always find something they have to tell us, or that is totally urgent at just that moment:) So glad though that you have managed to find the passion again! And yes it is so true passion, parenting and love really do collide and we do need to see the humour in it all. Thanks for sharing mom2three;)
This is so timely. Since having three kids, now that the youngest is 3, we have resumed the passion in our marriage. This morning was a great example of how passion, love and parenting collide, and how to maintain a sense of humour about it. We had locked our door, and in the middle of lovemaking I felt something warm and wet on my butt and thought “that is certainly an interesting approach” and soon realized the dog was licking my bum cheek. Got some good laughs. We resumed with humour and when finished, our door busted open (someone picked the lock) and our middle son busts in and finds us intertwined. Puzzled, we frantically try and pull the blankets up and ask him to leave. He says “[the baby] is eating his third bowl of cereal and it’s sugary and he’s going to get sick and unhealthy!”. He was completely serious and approached us in tears which told us how worried he was about the cereal ingestion. Made us crack up and added levity. We have to have a sense of humour about it.
Love it! Should get me some of these badges for each room in the house and perhaps the garage;)
yes- a sex lock – up high and strong and secure. People know what it is when you give them a tour of your house- but hey wear it like a badge. It is healthy to be sexy.
Chantal- you are great. love the healthy attitude and I embrace my own!
Sara the next guy will be lucky:)
LOL You guys are hilarious! Now I am the one screaming – the hubby left today for at least a month Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa:)
Yes well I certainly miss my hubby being home all the time now! Locks on doors are good – even better when they work;)
Bwaaaaahahahahahahahahaaaaaa…. snicker:snort
My sex life was non existent before I had children….(stop laughing Tracey)….I swear the next guy to go out with me will be the luckiest alive…I got some catching up to you. You’re my freaking hero Chantel…
Five times a week? Duuuuuude. (*double low fives*) We had a lock installed on our bedroom door when our daughter started walking. Which is more-or-less how we ended up with our son 🙂
We just put a door on our bedroom a few months ago… no doorknob yet, but still. That’s a good thing.
Good post, Chantel!
ha, ha that is the worse when they start fighting or screaming half way through! (sigh) Now as for the door – great idea! While we were in SK our bedroom had no door and it was so annoying to say the least!
We’re hoping that the door we’re going to trim down and put on our bedroom tomorrow will help…
And yes, we’ve started to use the tv to distract the kids for a bit sometimes on weekends on the occasions when we are both home, too. At least half the time no one starts screaming halfway through and making it impossible to continue, anyhow, so the odds are worth the attempt.