Well, it’s for real. My husband and I are now living, in the words of the law, “separate and apart”. It’s been…a long, hard journey. And now that I’m here, I can look back and realize that the getting here was a lot worse than the being here is (does that make any kind of sense at all?). What I want to say is: I see now that being in a bad marriage is much, much worse than coping with a failed marriage.
Before we separated, I experienced a litany of ills:
- I couldn’t sleep (unelss medicated).
- I developed a gastric ulcer and irritable bowel syndrome (in other words, whatever I ate either shot stright through me or bubbled right back up again).
- Because of my digestive complaints, I went through long periods of not eating at all.
- I developed alopecia and lost a large chunk of hair, right in the middle of my head. Hello, bald spot!
- I had less than one nerve left, and EVERYONE got on it. (In other words, I was a bitch on wheels to a whole lotta people).
- I cried. A lot. For seemingly no reason (although, in retrospect, there were reasons).
Now?
- I sleep again. Peacefully and without chemical assistance.
- My stomach is not forever nervous and I’m able to eat regular meals without fear of embarrassment. I can also drink coffee again (hallelujah!).
- My hair is growing back. But dudes: hair grows really, really slowly. So I still have a rather noticeable baldspot and as a result my part has moved further and further to the left and I’ve developed a distinct sympathy towards men with combovers.
- I am (I think) much less of a bitch than I was before. I know I sure yell at my kids a lot less.
- I’m not a weepy mess. In fact, I might be a bit of a silly grin person now. I know I relish the courtesy question, “how are you”, because I love to answer, “great, thanks!”
So yes, life goes on. And for me at least, life is more peaceful and happier being separate and apart.
sometimes making a hard decision takes courage and then when you take a leap you realize that you are happier, healthier and back on track as a person. We all have difficult times in life and sometimes a hard decision to leave can be the best decision not just for yourself but for the kids too.
Thanks for sharing your story and I am glad to you took care of yourself because true happiness comes within. I was recently reminded by a friend “a happy wife equals a happy life” I think that is true as moms are care givers to their kids and also the heart and soul of the house hold.
Kath! I just remembered that I hadn’t read this post and when I saw it come up I really wanted to. and now I know why! Good for you! I’m so happy to hear you sound so positive…What a strong, awesome woman you are for moving in a direction to make you and the rest of your family happier and at peace.
I am currently go through a separation and we are still in the same house, trying to sell it. Its funny because I am going through the same and although I know we need to be apart, I still feel guilt and sometimes I just think it would just be easier on everyone else to stay.
I am glad to hear that it gets better, because I also don’t sleep, am getting an ulcer and cry all the time.
Thank you for sharing, it gives me some hope.
So happy to read this! You are an incredibly brave, strong woman, my friend. It’s amazing how our bodies can tell us things that our minds/hearts can’t sometimes. I’m excited to keep reading about the bright days ahead. xxoo
You are amazing, Kath. And it seems like it’s REALLY clear that this is sooo much better for you and for your health. xoxo
Oh lady, I’m so very happy for you that you’re finding your way back… or to a new place… a better place. This is wonderful news!!
And I’m so happy you can have coffee too. JOY!!
“It is generous to ask for help.” Nancy, that is beautiful. Kath, from the people I’ve known who’ve been afraid to ask for help in these difficult times, take it to heart. Those who offer to help really want to, but want to take their cues from you. I continue to marvel at your strength and honesty – I turn to your blog first when I go online (sorry Jen :-)) because you are a wonderful inspiration for living the life one needs to live, whatever that means for each person. Sending peace your way.
So fantastic to hear you sounding so positive and happy, Kath.
When I first read this post quickly I thought you said you had newfound respect for balding men with their cowboy hats, and pictured you in Calgary wandering the streets wearing a big 10 gallon hat to hide your baldspot. That made me smile!
wonderfully said. And so interesting to see written down.
I slept like a baby right after I left my marriage as well.
This is just the beginning, Kath of a long and amazing journey towards wellness and happiness.You feel your power. You have done the hardest part and now you have the undoing of the marriage to take care of. Can I pass you my toolbox?http://myfamilyisnotbroken.wordpress.com/?s=tool+box
My momma told me “it is generous to ask for help” Consider it. People want to be important to you right now.
xo n
Reading about your journey is like reading my own. My daughter has told me more than once what a blessing it was for her dad and me to end our marriage when she was so young. Thankfully, we were mature enough to put our differences aside and co-parent effectively for her sake. To this day we can still have chats and email and wish only the best for each other.
Blessings and peace to you and your family as you close this chapter and start the next one!
I’m very happy to read this. Good for you, you deserve to be happy.
Wow, Kath. It sounds like this was a huge step in the right direction for you. Take the strength and positive energy you now have and embrace life! And hopefully that hair grows back fast. 🙂
I fully understand what you are trying to say. My husband and I have been living separately for almost 3 months. Although we love each other this was a much better alternative to living in the same house and fighting all of the time.
Proud of you too.
My parents split when I was 26. I wished they had split when I was 6. It was not funs times growing up in that.
I am SO proud of you! And I can hear the happiness and confidence in your voice here and when we speak. Your life is so full of promise! What an amazing journey you are embarking on now.