Last year when my cousin Madeleine died at the age of 31 I thought a lot about life. I spent a lot of time trying to make sense of it all. Needless to say, I am still trying. However, I did find a little clarity and it came disguised as regular people.
You might think I’m nuts but I found that once I was looking for answers they seemed to be everywhere. Watching someone you love pass away before their time is terrible but Madeleine’s death was even more than that to me and to many people touched by her story. She was a vibrant young mother with her whole life ahead of her and all the time in the world with her family. Sound familiar? It did to me and that is what really got me thinking.
I remember soon after Maddy passed away rocking my daughter to sleep and singing an old camp song called "Linger". I had sung it a thousand times before but I was suddenly overcome by tears when I sang these words:
Hmm hmm I wanna linger, hmm hmm a little longer, hmm hmm a little longer here with you. Hmm hmm it’s such a perfect night, hmm hmm it doesn’t seem quite right, hmm hmm that it should be my last with you.
This is how Maddy must have felt. Just one more moment. And in honour of her I am going to try to linger in every moment just a little longer.
But how exactly does a type A-obsessive-compulsive-workaholic accomplish this? That is the tough part. I am trying to live life consciously (as a profound friend of mine said) and seize the day. And every time I stray there is, amazingly, someone there to steer me back again.
I am amazed at how many people live their passion. How come I never noticed before? On vacation in Sugarloaf sitting on a chairlift I struck up a conversation with a couple who gave up working for a year to travel the world with their kids. My ski instructor retired early and is spending his time skiing in the winter and sailing in the summer. My sister and brother-in-law gave up the rat race to run their own seasonal business which gives them more time together as a family. A friend gave up her high paying creative job to start a home based consulting business.
These choices don’t come without a price…literally. But as my paliative care nurse little sister who is wise beyond her years has told me, time is finite. Seems simple enough if slightly morbid. And, it got me thinking about a saying my sister has used – "how many people die wishing they had eaten more rice cakes?" You get the point.
What does all of this mean? Not sure. But I do know that time is precious so I am trying my best to make good use of it.
If you would like to share your thoughts please click the Comments button below or send me an email.
Jen
I recently lost my husband to a rare and aggressive form of cancer while I was pregnant with our first child. His death has inspired me to live life to the fullest, not because I may die tomorrow but because I get to live!
I think about my husband every moment of every day and see him in the eyes of our 2 month old daughter, Hope. I am comforted by this and by words like yours that help me to remember that I am not alone.