Just last week I was watching one of my old fave reality TV shows; X-Weighted. On this episode, some poor woman admits to feeling like a failure for having had lap band surgery (this is a weight-loss surgical procedure similar to gastric bypass surgery). She admits to feeling like she “cheated” and “took the easy way out”. And while I felt sorry for her that she would feel that way about her weight loss efforts, what struck me as even more distressing was her husband’s admission: “I got scared when she started losing so much weight. She was looking really good. So the junk food started coming back into the house…”
Yes, you read that right. This poor woman’s husband KNOWINGLY sabotaged her (radical) weight loss efforts, because he felt threatened by his wife’s new, more attractive physique. It disgusted me. You see, I’ve been so lucky to do this weight loss thing right along with my hubby. I never had to live in that most unequal of relationships where I was the fat wife of a thin man…I always imagined how women in those marriages must feel. I know how I would have felt; unattractive, lucky, nervous…always waiting for the other shoe to drop, maybe? I always had the consolation of knowing that if my husband was married to a fat (and less attractive than when we met) woman, well, that went both ways. Equality.
But this poor woman on the show. Wow. Not only would she have had all the insecurities of being an overweight woman married to a much more slender husband, then he openly encouraged her to gain wait because he didn’t WANT her to be more attractive? And on top of it all, she also has to live with the humiliation of having gained back all the weight she lost after her lap band surgery. “Hey lady!” I wanted to scream at her, “I’ve got a newsflash for you…loving husbands don’t behave the way yours has! Never mind loving husbands, normal people don’t behave that way, either!”
And then I got thinking about the people in my own life – and did I have a weight loss saboteur? After a lot of thought, I’ve realized I’m lucky, and, by and large, the people around me are kind, supportive and encouraging. I haven’t even had to contend with much jealousy – even from my 2 sisters. See, I’ve always been “the fat sister” and the other 2, although occasionally taken aback by the newly level playing field among us, have been behind me 100%. And my friends, even those who were once thinner than me and have now been bypassed, are encouraging. About the worst I ever get is the occasional “you’re shrinking to nothing” comment. So, yeah, some of them might be jealous (heck, I would be!) but they’re good enough friends not to let it get beyond the brain-mouth filter. And I thank them for it.
And there’s nobody who’s ditched me, or who just doesn’t call anymore. It’s amazing how much that happens. We hear about it almost every week at Weight Watchers meetings. The people whose old friends never call them anymore, and give excuses like “well, you can’t go out drinking/to dinner/for dessert anymore” or even “you’re no fun anymore”. Bah. Good riddance is what I say. In the end it’s like what my friend Laura told me not long ago – the ones who mind don’t matter, and the ones who matter don’t mind.
Here’s to all of you who matter!
It was great meeting you at the girls’ night! You look fantastic and are inspiration to staying on the WW track. Here’s to you, girl!
I love that phrase/thought from your friend – I will try to remember it. It’s relevent to so many situations and, ladies you should have seen Kath last evening – she looked sooo amazing. Pics soon.
Wow! That post seriously made me think. Not just about how I might have people in my life that could be a saboteur but also how many things this might apply to – switching jobs/careers, dreams you’ve never persued, etc. But it also made me seriously reflect about myself perhaps as a saboteur of someone else in any of these areas. Of course, I like to think I am always supportive but I think if we are being truly honest with ourselves when we are feeling a bit down, or jealous (or envious if the word makes you feel more comfortable) we sometimes might not be as supportive as we think. I am going to think about that and work on making sure I am not sabotaging someone because of my own issues. Thanks for making me think!