To watch your child, a young and vital woman and mother of two beautiful children, suffer and die. And now, to hold her children close so you can be nearer to her and can honour her memory and can love them like she would. To watch your little sister, your childhood playmate and sometimes reluctant companion, pass away along with the adult friendship you were both counting on. To nurse and care for someone you love, to be the bearer of tragic news, to helplessly comfort them as they die, and return to that place to help others each day with her memory in your heart. To watch your family member, your friend, another mother, say good-bye to her children knowing the depth of her despair and loss. To realize the gift of your own children and take the lessons of her death to heart. This has been the journey of the last year for many who knew and loved Madeleine.
November 23rd will mark one year since we lost Maddy. She was 31 years old. She was a daughter, a sister, a friend and a mother to 1 year old Ella and 3 year old Matthew when she passed away from cancer. Her death was not only tragic but life altering for many who knew her. I wanted to honour her on urbanmoms.ca and remind myself and all of our members to be thankful for the gift of time, to remember every day how lucky we are to have the chance to watch our children grow.
Madeleine’s death changed my life. Not only had I known her my whole life but I saw myself in her. I was a mom of two young kids and it made me realize that the choices I made were with me forever, however long or short that may be. What was amazing during all of this was the outpouring of support from family, friends, and often strangers. Her story shook people, especially other moms. That was the inspiration for this community, urbanmoms.ca. We are about support, respect, and learning. Let’s not let one precious day pass by that we don’t appreciate and learn from each other.
In honour of Maddy I have included below the memorial collages her family has lovingly created for Matthew and Ella. They hang in the children’s bedrooms so that they will always have their mom close. It is hard to believe a year has gone by. I know Maddy is greatly missed by all who knew her.
Maddy and Ella
Tears are pouring from my eyes as I sit here trying to think of the right words to type, but they aren’t coming to me. I keep asking myself why was a woman at 31 years of age taken away from her two beautiful children? It seems so unfair. Thank you for keeping her memoery alive. A small part of Maddy lives in all of us.
This memorium will appear in the family’s local paper.
Madeleine (Little) Joiner
1973-2004
Oh Mummy,
We did not know you long enough!
Why can’t we see you anymore?
Feel your hugs and snuggles.
You gave us life,
Our first loving touches,
Sustenance and support,
Smiles and laughter.
Your confident love
Set the foundation of who we are,
Of who we will be,
We so wish you had been able to stay to share the rest.
You did not get to see us off to school,
Teach us to play the sports you so loved.
Take us to the field, rink, or pool,
Share our triumphs and disappointments.
Remember when we were sick or impossible,
You didn’t flinch; you were always there,
Present, with care, laughter, worry or action,
Just being you.
What spirit you gave us!
It is in our hearts
In our eyes
The way we move and speak.
Why can’t we take an airplane to Heaven?
To see you once again,
To be with you again,
Just because we miss you so.
All our lives we will be searching
For that ticket to Heaven.
From Matthew and Ella
With a little help
Thanks for sharing your reflections – so well told.
After reading your stories I was reminded of a line written by French author Elie Wiesel: “… and here I am crying because I have nothing left to say”.
Maddy’s Uncle Tom
Today I will hug my children a little harder becuase of Maddy, and love those around me just a bit more because of Maddy. I will hold my thoughts that are not as positive as they should be and embrace all that I have because of Maddy. I am grateful for being able to do all this, for tomorrow is another day and I know not what it holds. Today I will think of Maddy and share her memory.
I never met Madeleine, but I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about her and the people she loved and left behind. When I read your beautiful tribute, I sat at the computer for a while crying. My son asked what was making me sad and I told him that it wasn’t just that I was sad, but that I was very happy too.
I don’t think you could have offered a more fitting tribute to your cousin than reminding us all of how fortunate we are and giving each member of the community the opportunity today to spend a little time being thankful for those in our lives.
What a beautifully written tribute and what wise words for us all…especially as we enter such a busy season where precious moments can be lost in the shuffle.