You don’t need me to tell you that Sunday is the tenth anniversary of 9/11. It has been everywhere this week and the images and sounds are as upsetting now as they were ten years ago. My heart aches for all of the people who lost loved ones and for the people of Washington and NY who had to watch what was happening to their cities.
But, every year at 9/11 – I have another memory as well. It’s focused on one person who I miss so much..and something we dubbed ‘Disaster Pizza’.
Everyone needs a Frank in their life. Frank was our office manager/knower of all/fixer of anything/friend to everyone. He was the den mother of our extremely tight office. We had around 20 people working in our office – mostly senior executives and their assistants. We ate lunch together every day, told stories of our lives* and laughed like idiots. At the centre of it all was always Frank.
When the planes took down the towers, we were told we could go home and be with our families. The majority of us stayed put, wanting to be together, because we WERE a family. Frank ordered pizza because he always had to be looking after us. We named it Disaster Pizza. We all stayed together and ate and cried and I think it made Frank happy that all of his peeps (I believe his amazing wife Judy came and joined us) were in one place, safe and fed.
A few years after 9/11, I got a new job with the same company. I didn’t see Frank very often or speak to him much at all. Frank passed away after complications from a difficult surgery around five years ago. I sent him a card before he went to the hospital but I never called him. Without a doubt, this is the biggest regret of my life.
At the funeral home, Frank’s wife wrote a beautiful letter for the hundreds of mourners to share. In it, she talked about Frank’s girls – and she included me. I hugged her and cried and I said I didn’t deserve it. She just shook her head at me and said that Frank knew I loved him whether I had called or not. But I should have called.
I think about Frank a lot now. I think about how hilarious it would have been to tell him about the whole sperm donor thing. He would have thrown his hands above his head, shook them and said ‘enough, enough.’ Then he would have smiled his Frank smile and told me how great it was. I think about how I can only hope that Will grows up with the strength that Frank had, with his incredibly positive attitude in the face of adversity and with his sheer love of life and his people in it.
I think the events of 9/11 and of Frank’s passing are the ultimate reminders to never let things go unsaid. To always let those around you know that you love them. And for godsakes, pick up the phone every now and then if there’s someone that you miss and want to talk to.
It’s basic but sometimes we need a reminder.
*I once told Frank a story of how every Saturday night when we were kids, my parents would feed us salisbury steak frozen dinners and then watch Hockey Night in Canada while they mowed on t-bones. My brother and I would wait and then gnaw on the steak bones after. (no – i’m not kidding). When I switched jobs, at my goodbye party, Frank made me a 20oz t-bone. I’ve never laughed so hard. THAT was Frank.
Beautiful – you made me cry… I’ll never forget calling him for his birthday just before his surgery and we all sang to him…. he will always have a special place in my heart. I’ll never forget my 8am chats with him – just like a dad. A special man that will never be forgotten. When I went to his funeral, my great aunt was there!! it turns out that he grew up with all my mom’s cousins and we sat next to eachother for almost 6 years and never knew that about eachother. Thanks for writing this Sara.
I want a Frank! Beautiful post, Sara.
He sounds like quite a guy, your Frank… and it’s a great reminder not to let too many moments pass without saying the stuff you want to say. Le sigh. Nice post, lady. *sniff*
Thanks for sharing Sara.
I just wrote a post about 9/11 – I think we all have the memory of that day seared into our heads I’m glad you find comfort in yours. It sounds like you were with the people you should have been with that day. The fact that you ll chose to stay with each other that day speaks volumes to the close relationship you shared.