Last night at dinner with 10 of my best gals, one turned to me and asked how it was going. These are not weather report people- no small talk required. I turn to these two that I adore and with tears in my eyes I said “I am busy to the point of near hysteria.”
This is very hard for me to admit even to these really dear friends. I see it as a weakness to admit defeat or ask for help. I want the world to see me as handling it all beautifully. Even as it is almost taking me apart.
I do not pretend that my life is harder or more challenging than anyone else’s. In fact, one of the things I realized going through my separation and subsequent divorce is that we are all struggling with something. This, while I do not wish hardship on anyone, was a comfort. Really if I hadn’t been going through what I was I would have been going through something else. And in a pile of problems, oddly I would always choose mine for the beauty and challenge of them.
Lately when I slow down and someone asks me how I am I don’t even know how to answer. I can’t remember. I wonder what season it is, what has bubbled to the top and what the newsflashes of my life are.
We chicks got to talking about how we are struggling still to find the balance of work, play, being good daughters, good moms and good friends. We need to take care of business, take care of ourselves, our families and our homes. We need to think and plan for the future but also live in the present. I want to push my stuff ahead every day to ensure that I can be my best self and offer myself and my children the best life.
Within about 2 minutes I was not the only one with tears. So it is not just the single mom. They feel this too.
We share one thing for sure- good enough is not good enough, as much as near hysteria is at our back door.
It is Ragged Ass Road. But we choose it over the other.
yes- no one has been sick here for years! knock on wood!You will get there alice!
Oh god yes. I live on that block, too, and can’t help but dream there will be some year, somewhere ahead somewhere, when I am not falling asleep in my children’s beds as I tuck them in and dragging my throbbing, red-eyed head through one sickness after another. There will be, right? RIGHT?
yes!
need new pictures of post shrink wrap home from you tracey!
yes! I say no to thinks I have no interest in or that does not represent core values or goals. But I say YES to fun, work (as much as I can get!), fun, my family and friends. That is a huge time commitment.
Hey I just put out bikes away and the garden hose- so clearly my game could use improvement
I’ve learned that to veer off ragged ass road, i needed to start saying no and not feeling guilty about it. I’ve also learned to ask for help…which was so hard. The saying no thing has changed my life!
I live on Ragged Ass road with you, babe. Believe it.
I blame Martha Stewart. 😉