I try to be somewhat humourous when I write my blogs. I figure people need sort of a pick me up, right? Sometimes though, I feel the need to write as therapy for myself. My psychiatrist suggested this to me when I had postpartum and I burst out laughing. Riigggght because in my free time, I really want to write. I wish I had, I probably would have felt better faster.
So today, let me use my blog as therapy. **First off please know that everything is fine**. A couple weeks ago I went for my first mammogram. And let me tell you, and hopefully this isn’t a ‘Gisele’ like statement, but it didn’t hurt at all! Anyway, they called me back for a follow up. I wasn’t surprised – I come from a family of lumpy boobed women – I was expecting it. I went today and when I said that to the technician, she said ‘well no, it’s not IN your breast that he’s concerned about it, it’s in the muscle behind it.’. I think the blood drained from my face because she just started to say, ‘don’t worry – he’s cautious’. But you know what, I did worry.
You see, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and was gone nine-months later so I know it can happen. When I thought about getting pregnant and having Will, one of my friends accused me of being selfish because if something happened to me, he’d be alone. At the time I thought it was an inane comment. Today, lying on that ultrasound table, I started to think that maybe it wasn’t so inane. Sure he’d be safe and happy with my family should I be hit by the proverbial bus, but he wouldn’t have a parent. He wouldn’t have me.
In talking to my sister this afternoon, she had the same type of mammogram result after she finished breastfeeding as well so the logical Sara isn’t nervous at all. Will’s mother however is scared and giving herself approximately 8 hours to feel like this, the rest of today, and then I’ll get it together because I know that worrying accomplishes absolutely zero. And that, as my mom and family came to say, ‘shit happens’ and there’s nothing you can do about it.
**Let’s finish on a high note! I only need to think about Will and his first week where he made an early arrival (note the attractive back hair) and I thought the worst…and now he slides down slides by himself.
Oh AND I had the BEST fish and chips at lunch today. Holy CRAP. There’s that short attention span for you**
I’m sure everything will be fine….we’ll all be sending positive energy. And I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen the movie Van Wilder….but one of his best comments is about worrying. “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” I’m one to talk……I was a basket case after my last ultrasound, but alas, there was nothing to be worried about. Focus on that cute little man of yours and keep writing!!
I’m sure it’s all good too! In fact, I’m positive it will all work out perfectly!
In the meantime, only one bag of popcorn? I got a false positive on a routine pap when I was 21 and I went through not one, not two, but THREE boxes of Flakies in 24 hours. You are a better woman then I:) xo
Thanks for the thoughts ladies. My 8 hours are up…and after hoovering an entire bag of popcorn watching Alice in Wonderland….logical Sara is winning over this one. Marianne – I bow to you survivor!!!! And Christine that ‘wet bar’ comment maybe my fave of all time…. I’ll keep you posted, but am confident it’s all good!
got worried after reading this post. even though we don’t know each other, i feel like i’m getting to know you a little bit – and i love your writing. hoping everything turns out okay. you sounds like an incredibly stronger person.
Your such a strong and wonderful women and FUNNY! My thoughts and prayers are with you that everything is okay. Bless you.
I had cancer when I had a 3 year old and a new born. No matter what the results are, you can do it. Hopefully they are perfectly normal but if they are not, here I am 8 years later writing to you. You are stronger than you think.
Aw that sucks. I am from a lumpy family too.
I went through the same thing 2 yrs ago. I had to have a mammogram and u/s. It was about 7months after my daughter weaned. I was terrified and a little pissed. First I was WAY too young (but knowing that really doesn’t matter) plus I figured I didn’t spend a collective 3.5yrs serving as a wetbar to end up with breast cancer.
Turns out it was hardened breast tissue.
Makes it tricky to know which are fine-lumps and which are worry-lumps. And also impossible for my dr to NOT think I’m completely paranoid.
I’ll be thinking lots of positive thoughts that you get good results SOON!
Wow. Just wow. You sure you’re OK? As you know, I’ve been there with my mom too so anything like this gets me all freaked out. When do you get the results?
Btw, love your hairy little monkey baby! How early was he? Mine were not preemie but early and their backs were hairy as hell. But, strangely, I thought they were the most beautiful things ever. Ahh, a mother’s love.