I feel bad for loving it as much as I do: working outside the home, away from my children.
I am so happy to come home at the end of the day, scoop them up in my arms and reconnect, but the time away is so good for me. But then I worry whether it’s good for them. I don’t want to be selfish; I don’t want to have regrets about how I spent their childhood. I don’t want to miss what really matters.
I always thought I would thrive as a stay-at-home mother. That I would do crafts and bake cupcakes and live out the dream I saw so many before me walking through. But, while I love my kids with a depth that is unparalleled, I kind of sucked at staying home with them. The tv was on too much, I was always clawing at something else to satisfy my dreams, and I yelled a lot.
So, here I am. Working. Juggling it all. And feeling pretty good, but also kind of guilty for feeling that way.
Ever been there?
A refreshing read and point of view. Very few SAHMs admit that they have these feelings. I have been pondering making a return to part time work for over a year and have been home for four. My kids are now in full day and have day school and now I feel like I can handle more. I cherish the time I have with them, but I agree with the other ladies, mommy needs to be happy too. It’s not that I am not happy but I do feel that I can make the move and doing so with minimal interruption.
I am with you – I love my kids – a lot. But dropping them off and picking them up for lunch and then at the end of the day is not for me. I see a lot of Moms in the schoolyard in no rush to go back home or go for relaxed coffee mornings. That is not for me – I was miserable when I did that. I missed that sense of purpose and achievement. The kids are happy as long as they know they are loved and secure in their family setup. Thats all that matters!
Don’t feel bad – my mom stayed home with us until my younger sister was 10 and HATED it! Back at that time, the “thing to do” in or community was for the dad to work and for the mom to stay home, unless it was absolutely necessary that both worked (or unless the roles were reversed, but that was pretty uncommon). She finally put her foot down, and the moment she went back to work, had that purpose, her own car and income, she became SO much happier – I wish she’d done it sooner! Also, she’s really good at her job and has recently made quite the career jump, at almost 60. I’m totally proud of her. So don’t feel bad… you’re a good mom, and it will make perfect sense to your daughters when they’re old enough to think about it.
You summed up my feelings exactly. I return to work on Monday after my Mat leave and the only thing I am aprehensive about is getting up so early.
I struggle with this a lot – not only do I work outside the home, but most weeks I’m in another part of the country for at least 2 days. I get a lot of comments from people about how “hard it must be,” as if their judgement makes it any easier. I feel rotten every time I leave, and every minute that I’m gone – but at the end of the day I have a great job and I make great money that my family needs to pay the bills.
You are doing the right thing. When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy, but when Mama IS happy everyone feels good. I have never been there really. I hated working outside the home, but I lost weight because I was stressed out and couldn’t sleep. That was the only good part for me. I think different moms have different needs. I do not have a multitasking bone in my body, so when I was working that is all I could think of and everything at home went down hill. You seem to thrive on multitasking, so work it lady! Don’t feel bad! Enjoy! You have my permission 😉
Don’t do it, Amanda! Don’t feel guilty. What you are giving your kids is the gift of a happy mother and amazing role model. What you are giving them is the opportunity to find connection with others. What you are giving them is the best of you.
You go girl!
I could have written this post – I have SO been there!! Although I have given up feeling guilty about it 😉
Congratulations!! Such a huge move!
me too.
Not yet… but, good for you, lady!! 😉